Pengumuman

Just to inform you all that gue skarang taruh a new page link di atas. Yaitu ‘How I met my Two Lovers’. Those postings yang paling banyak dibaca sama pembaca blog gue. Please have a read if you haven’t done so. :)

Perfect and Sovereign Will

How I met Him (English translation)

I am a female. I was involved with porn and masturbation since I was 10 years old. I didn’t remember how it all started. I can only remember that I did all those secretly and kept doing it until I grew up.

When I reached 21 years old, I was in relationship with my first boyfriend. At first, he seemed nice and gentle. But as time went by, I could see his bad side, he was full of anger. Entering the first few weeks of our relationship, he kept asking me to give him my virginity as his birthday present. I refused, but he kept pushing, telling me… “if you really love me, you should give it to me”

So, because of his persistence, I gave it to him. From that day onwards, he liked to ask me for sex, if I didn’t give it to him, he would get angry. A few times he got angry with me because of small matters. Btw, he was a very possessive guy. I had to do things with him around, even talking with my friends on the phone. He had to know everything that I was doing. Well, we were living together at that time (We lived in Sydney, the story was I was in uni, and my boyfriend was working, but the truth is, I was already kicked out from uni, without my parents knowing) And when I served him for sex, actually my heart already felt nothing towards him, but because I was scared of him, I stayed.

Sometimes, when he was angry, he would get physical. He pushed me towards the wall, threatened me  etc. He often hit my 9 months old puppy, and one day he hit her so hard that she died on my laps. He was jealous of my puppy because it seemed I loved her more than him.

One day, he slapped me hard until I fell face down, then he held me on my neck, like he was trying to straggle me, while screaming like a mad guy. At that very moment, I knew for sure that I couldn’t live with this guy anymore. So to cut the story short, I ran away from home, with the help of my close friends. But for the first few months, he still terrorized me, called me and threatened me. He even threatened my friends who were helping me. At the end he stopped all that because he had a new girl.

Since that moment, my life went downhill. I went clubbing a lot. And I met lots of new friends who lived ‘freely’, smoking, drugs and free sex. Almost every week I went out clubbing with them until dawn. Sometimes, I would get so drunk with them until I passed out and also tried illegal substance. A lot of guys approached me, until finally I was involved in free sex, had several sexual partners, one night stands etc. But during those times, I seriously thought of killing myself, because I didn’t see the point of living anymore. I didn’t feel anyone care for me. Guys just wanted me for sex, nothing more. I had a broken family, there was no difference for me having them or not. So I was getting ready to kill myself.

Until one day, I was introduced to another guy. We became very close and I liked him. He seemed really care about me. We chatted online a lot and somehow, I told him about my plan to commit suicide. He was shocked and tried to talk me out of it. So because of him, my plan was postponed. I felt he really cared for me. We became even closer and finally had sexual ‘friendship’.

But he told me that, he couldn’t start a proper relationship with me as he just broke up with his ex. He was still traumatized to start a new one. I was okay with that, so we were just sexual partners.

I thought I was ok with that kind of relationship, but I realized my heart was hurting. When we hang out with his friends, he never held my hands or showed that he cared for me. But when we were alone, just the two of us, he always treated me special. So his friends only knew that I was his sex partner. That hurt because I already had deep feeling for him, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to end this.

Since those days, I started to cut myself with knife, not to kill myself but to release the pain I had in my heart. To me, the pain inside was more painful than the pain caused by the knife. There was one day, I cut my both hands badly, then I walked down to his house, (he lived just two blocks away), and showed my bleeding hands to him. He was really scared and I think that was the time that he realized he was in a bad situation, being involved with me. I did read secretly his chat history with his bestfriend. He said he regretted being with me, he had no idea that he would be in this kind of mess.

When I read that, my heart broke into pieces.

The one I thought really cared for me, actually didn’t care at all.

So finally, I went to see a doctor, asking for medication to stop my depression. I thought it was hormonal imbalance, but the medication didn’t help. There was one day, I snapped and cut my hands again. And because I couldn’t stop it, I called my dad (who lived in Indonesia) while I was crying. All the 5 years I lived in Sydney, I never called my dad. He was shocked to hear my sobbing voice over the phone. He kept asking me why, but I couldn’t answer him, I could only ask him to come to Sydney as soon as possible. And before we hang up the phone, my dad said, “please don’t do anything silly, wait for me.”

I told about what just happened to my ‘boyfriend’. And he was glad that I finally talked with my dad. But as time went by, I felt we were growing apart. Until one day, I was sick of everything. I locked myself in my room, I got real drunk and cut my hands again with knife. A blunt knife this time, so I could cut myself over and over again until the skin broke and drew blood. I called him over online chat, he answered and I told him that I was drunk and almost jumped from the balcony. Before chatting with him, I went to my room’s balcony. I was drunk and I was looking down over the balcony. Looking at the ground far below me, I heard a voice,’ If I jump now, everything will be over, everything will be ok. I will be free.” So I lifted one of my legs over the railing, other leg already off the ground. But just a spilt second before I jumped, I was suddenly reminded of my promise to my dad. When he said, “don’t do anything silly.” Because of that sudden thought, I stopped and went back to my room. Now that I know God, I’m very sure that that was God’s intervention! How can that thought suddenly cross my mind in the very split second I was going to jump!

So I went inside my room and chatted with my ‘boyfriend’ in the state of my drunkenness. After I told him that I almost jumped from the balcony, he went offline all of a sudden. I became more upset, heartbroken and cried like mad until I fell asleep.  Not long after, I heard my friend knocked on my bedroom door. That taken me totally by surprise because no one at home and I locked my house. Somehow that friend of mine got hold of my house key from other friend. So this friend went inside my room and asked me what happened. She actually heard me crying from the front door which was surprising because the distance from the front door to my room was quite far. How come she could hear my crying? How come it was such a coincidence she wanted to visit me at home? And because she heard my crying, she took a lot of effort to call me, but because I didn’t answer her calls, she tried to get my house key from another friend.

So to cut the story short, my friends knew what happened to me and they hide my knives away. I believe God used them, even though I didn’t know God at that time. And my ‘boyfriend’ also came to my house on that day. The very second when I told him over chatting that I almost jumped, he ran to my house.

One of my friends, let’s call her D. She was the only Christian friend that I allowed to be close to me. It was because I hated Christians last time, to me, they were hypocrites. Only D was close to me because she accepted me for whoever I was, never judged me, never tried to evangelize to me, but she just accepted me without trying to change me.

On that night, I only remembered part of her words,

“I have God, I have my boyfriend, but my life is not perfect. I have my own struggle with life…”

That really surprised me, because I always saw her as a strong person. Little that I knew, she also had struggles. So, since that night, I ‘woke up’. I told myself, “if she can do it, why can’t I?”

So for the next few months, I started to put my life back together. The relationship with my ‘boyfriend’ got further apart. And I got back to uni. But I still continued with my clubbing lifestyle. Still had fun with my ‘wild’ friends. I still felt empty in my heart, though. There was one night at my place, my friends and I were smoking marijuana. I didn’t know that marijuana was totally pure, with no mixture of tobacco at all. I smoked whole lot of it and my body couldn’t stop shaking. I couldn’t walk back to my bedroom, I had to crawl slowly. When I finally reached my bed, my body still couldn’t stop shaking. I was scared, I thought I was going to die at that very second. And I didn’t want to die. Funny, isn’t it? For the past few years, I had already planned my suicide, yet when I was really faced with death, I got scared and didn’t want to die.

I really couldn’t stop shaking. And this was the very first time I cried out inside and called God. I shouted in my heart, “God!! Help!!!”, And I passed out. When I woke up, I was happy of being alive! Hahaha. But then I forgot all about God.

But I believe that time He heard my cry and He knew that I was almost ready to open up my heart for Him. So He pursued me more and more. :)

So I moved on. Uni life, part time work, clubbing for another two years. I didn’t let any guy get close to me because I was sick of those uncertainties and mixed signals. I faced life with my own strength until one day I actually felt tired in my heart.

D, the friend that I mentioned earlier, often invited me to attend the cell group at her place or come for her church events. But only to those fun events, like Valentine cruise or Costume Party. I came because they had a dance party in it. While for cell group, I only came during the eating session, after that I just went home haha. But because I came quite often to their fun events, I came to know her church friends, and they were actually a fun bunch of people! Never judged me nor tried to change me.

One day, I hang out at one of the church leader’s house. Out of curiosity, since I love to read, I went through their book collections on the bookshelf. But to my dismay, all of the books were Christian books! But one book caught my eye, the title was ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’. Something just clicked in me, it reminded me to my situation at that time. So I borrowed that book.

In that book, there was one chapter where the author, Joshua Harris, received a vision. He went inside a room full of filing cabinets. He opened one of them, he took out the files inside. And he was so shocked because those files actually contained all the sins that he had done in his whole life! Joshua was a Christian, involved in ministry, but he had a double life. He was secretly involved in porn etc. When he read his files, he was so ashamed. Each page in those files had his name signed on it.

So he said to himself, please no one should see this, so he tried to burn it, but to no avail. All of a sudden, there was a man entering that room. That man was Jesus. He took one of the files and read it. Joshua tried to snatch it and prevented him from reading, but Jesus kept on reading without saying a word. Then you know what He did? He crossed all Joshua’s name from the papers and signed every paper with His own name! Using His blood!

When I read that part, I couldn’t stop my tears from falling down. I cried big time! Who was this person who wanted to take all my sins as His own? He didn’t know me and I didn’t know him! And why would He want to take my sins as His!! I just bawled my eyes out. Because of a man called Jesus. I never knew a man who would do all that for me! At that moment I felt, I finally found someone that understand me, understand my heart.

It was just indescribable!

Since that day, I was interested in a man named Jesus.

Who is He?

What is He like?

Why He did that for me?

So I finally accepted D’s invitation to her church to find out more about Him. I diligently attended her church service every week and read many Christian books. And the more I found out about Jesus, the more amazed with Him I became. Until finally I fell in love with Him. :)

He was everything that I was looking for in a man. I felt loved, treasured, pursued, and cherished. No man had done that for me.

Slowly He healed me from bitterness with guys, porn, masturbation. I stopped going clubbing, smoking, drinking etc. I was not interested nor excited with those things anymore. When I tasted the goodness of Him, other tastes pale in comparison. When I felt how He loves me, how He cares for me, how precious I am in His eyes, worldly satisfaction can’t compare to that and also no longer interesting to me. I was being satisfied in Him alone. In His presence, I didn’t feel empty or lonely anymore.

And He makes me feel so SPECIAL!! :)

God restored me fully until I no longer had any issue with my past. I had the strong conviction that He had cleansed all my sins away. I have been made white as snow. It took years for me to come to that point but I must not give up. There were times I was stuck in self-pity, but God reminded me again and again that I am a new creation in Him. He even put the desire in my heart to testify, to let the world knows, that God’s restoration is so real. Until I came to the point that YES, I’M A NEW CREATION! Let no doubt or whatsoever entered my mind again!

And all along I had been asking, “what’s the purpose of me living in this world? Why was I created?” God slowly revealed and guided me to my calling. Now I know what it is. And when I focused and chased that calling, out of the blue, God brought me to my future husband, a godly man who was beyond my imagination :) God was very much involved and orchestrated all the process of getting to know him, praying, the struggle, the breakthrough, for three years until finally we got married in 2010.

Frankly, at that moment I didn’t give a thought about relationship. I was so content with just me and God. I really enjoyed my singleness, I was concentrating in finding more about Him. Ministry etc. (I have moved to Singapore around this time). Out of the blue, my mentor told me…

“Whoa God is beautifying you inside out!! I’m sure your prince will come soon, and he will be more than you have ever imagined!”

I just smiled when I heard that. Nothing more, because I didn’t think much about relationship. But it did come true! About a month after, my future husband really came to our church, he was a full timer (full time ministry). Yes, indeed he was more than I could ever imagine. I fell in love for the first time with his heart for God.

He only spent like two months or so in Singapore. Then he went to Malaysia for two years for mission work. And when I chased my calling in mission field, we met again. And after all the process of tears etc for 3 years praying for each other, we got married in 2010 and now we have two sons. :)

I know there are a lot of you who had ugly past like me. Girls who were involved with free sex, or even not virgin anymore because of other reasons. Don’t lose heart. God is a God who is full of grace and restoration. I am one of the evidence of His full restoration. When I repented from my sins, God forgave me. He also put this desire in my heart, my life testimony is to open up so many secrets out there. Secrets that the devil trying to hide. The devil says, you can’t and will not be able to have a godly marriage later, a godly husband. He can only lies, ladies! The truth is God’s mercy and grace are enough for ALL of our sins! Yes, we must pay for the price of our sin, it hurt to go through the process of His cleansing.

You know the story of a pearl? When a pearl was produced, its initial state was very dirty. It must be polished and cleansed until its shine comes out.

It’s the same with us. We were dirty, God accepted us just as we were. But He wouldn’t let us stay that way. He will polish; He will cleanse every dirt inside of us. Yes, it hurts, but it is absolutely necessary. Because He has seen our true worth, He knows our true value. But because that had been covered with so much filth, we are not able to see that. Only He can. So we have to let Him work hard in us, polishing us. Yes, sometimes we do complain during His cleansing process, but believe me, His cleansing process in me was tremendously painful because He knows I had a lot of filth inside, but at the end, it is all worth it!

How did I reach this point? Free from my past, restored, got married with a godly man, have godly family with two sons now?

The key is to really fall in love with Jesus. To feel how much He loves me, until I feel so content and satisfied in Him alone. I don’t have to look for love or approval from other people, especially man. Because no other man is more ‘manly’ than my Jesus who loves me so muchhhhh. Rescued me again and again, my Knight in shining armor. Pursued me until my knees grew weak. :)

By being filled with the Holy Spirit everyday, making me sick of sin. Holy Spirit gives me the ability and power to let go of the bondage of porn and masturbation.

Other than that, I also made the decision not to fall into self-pity. Never entertain! Once self-pity arrives, we must kick them out as soon as possible. Encounter with the Word of God. When self-pity says, “you are dirty, not virgin anymore, do you think any guy would want you?” Just kick the devil hard in the face with the Word of God that says,”God has cleansed me as white as snow, no blemish. God has a wonderful plan for me and my future. I will pursue my God, my lover until I know He is enough for me. Doesn’t matter if there is a guy in my life or not. I will be satisfied in Him alone.”

That’s the state we have to aim. Let me ask you a question. What if God wants you to be single forever, just being with Him alone? Will that hurt? Until you say YES LORD, it doesn’t matter anymore if there is a guy for me or not! And you said that not because of bitterness, but because you are truly satisfied with His love. What I meant is your heart will have to be truly fulfilled by Him, otherwise if one day you are involved with another guy, you can fall into the same old sin again. Because you will compromise. But when your love to God is stronger, you can stand firm, and don’t have the heart to commit the sin because you don’t want to hurt His feeling.

Say enough is ENOUGH! No more compromise, no more ‘just one more time’.

Do whatever it takes to take you away from that sin. If you and your bf/gf fall into sexual sin, don’t go to the secluded places. Don’t go inside his/her room. Recognize the pattern.

Mix with a strong Christian community. Be involved in ministry. That will build you and strengthen you to move forward. But you can’t always depend on people. Don’t make it a habit to look for people straight away for comfort. After you receive advices from people, you feel better of course, but that doesn’t last long. Go to God first instead. Let Him deal with you alone. At that time, God brought me to a very lonely place. I didn’t have anyone close as I just moved to Singapore. But at that moment, God dealt with me alone. I couldn’t find anyone for comfort, for sharing my pain, He was the only one there for me. That’s when I was fulfilled by Him, until I reached a point where I know He is enough for me.

Other than that, a mentor also important. Someone to guide you and correct you. Must be same gender.

Forgive ourselves, our past, our exes, or anyone that had hurt us. When we forgive, there is power of restoration from God through us. Confess our sins to trustworthy spiritual leaders. Healing starts when we confess.

Keep holding on to the Word of God. What He says about you.

Must understand that love is not sex. Some women make a mistake where we think love equals to sex. When we make love to our boyfriend, we feel loved, wanted, special. When I had that sexual relationship with my ‘boyfriend’, I thought I was expressing my love to him by giving him my body. And I thought, because we had a sexual relationship, I thought he loved me that’s why he wanted to sleep with me. The painful truth is when someone has sex with you, doesn’t mean he loves u.

Focus on finding out your calling. That’s where you will find out His great plan for you. So you will focus building yourself up, other than keep dwelling in the sinful past.

After all those, I’m finally free. Now, I really can’t imagine that I used to have that kind of past! Totally different life now. Serving the Lord together with my husband, one toddler and the upcoming baby boy :)

It is indeed beyond my imagination and thought! When I got married to my handsome husband, God gave us His word and His promise:

No eyes has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined what God had prepared for those who love Him.
1 Corinthians 2:9

So true!!!

 

And the past is the past. God is able to change filth into beauty. Redeem the curse to be a blessing. The devil meant to destroy and kill, but God, with His power of restoration (without condition. It’s already yours), changed my shame to my victory. I no longer have any issue sharing all these because that’s what He wants from me, my past has no more effect on me. Sexual sins are covered up because they cause shame. But God wants to reveal them, because the more we conceal our sexual sins, the more hold the devil has over us. I don’t ask you to tell you secrets everywhere, but once you are free from all the bondages, maybe you can testify too, in your own way. Because the devil is defeated by our testimonies.

If I can be free from the sexual sins, you can do it too. I’m just ONE evidence of millions of millions of people who has been set free from the sexual bondages.

For the readers who read this, this blog post originally was in Indonesian, written in 2012. To my surprise, it went viral. Some requested to have some of my important blog posts to be translated to English to reach bigger audience, to bless their non-Indo speaking friends. So here is the first one to be translated. I do hope it will bless you guys.

Hopefully, not in distant future, I will write more details about ‘How to stop porn, masturbation and other sexual sin from our life’.

You see, God is so faithful to us. If we just obey Him, He will bring us far. My testimonies bring me and my family to places. We were invited to speak in different churches, travelled overseas etc. You see, it’s all because of His work in us. It is such a joy walking in our calling. To see many bondages are broken, to see many of God’s children are set free and receive the truth! God can do the same to you. You have a wonderful future in Him. Don’t let the devil tell you otherwise. Sometimes we tune in more to the devil’s voice than His voice. Shut it down and keep your eyes fixed upon Jesus. Hope in God will never be in vain. :)

 

 

Retret cewe2 ala Pearl Magazine

So, blog kali ini ceritain ttg Majalah Pearl Retreat kmaren. Karena banyak yg nanyain, “how is it”… jawaban gue selalu, “ntar deh gue blog” abis males ngulang2 terus hehehehe.

So, retreat ini awesome coz isinya cewe semua wkkwkwkwk. And amazingnya, kebanyakan dari kita ga kenal satu sama lain, and dateng dari beberapa pelosok Indo dan diluar Indo. Some cuma kenal di dunia maya. Pesertanya kebanyakan para bloggers and blog readers.

Jadi asal mulanya, Pearl Magazine ini berdiri beberapa tahun lalu (3 years?) gara2 beberapa bloggers punya hati untuk Christian Indonesian women online magazine. Teamnya semua volunteer, writersnya, designersnya, editornya. Gue bukan team Pearl tapi ada beberapa kali mereka minta gue nulis articles for their magazine. We all know each other because of blogging :)

Nah one day, salah satu pencetus Pearl yaitu, Sarah Eliana, bilang one of her dreams is to hold a retreat for Pearl Magazine, eh ga disangka2 banyak yg antusias. So terjadilah retret kmaren.

Yg amazingnya, ada beberapa peserta yg bela2in terbang dari Singapore, Surabaya dan juga Kalimantan Barat hanya untuk menghadiri retret ini. Yg tinggal di KalBar itu wah udah tinggalnya di in the middle of jungle, karena dia kerja di perkebunan kelapa sawit. Jadi yah terpencil gitu deh tempetnya. Tapi dia bela2in jauh2 menempuh perjalanan hanya untuk dateng retret. Dan ada juga banyak yg dateng sendiri aja tanpa kenal sapa2. But they are so blessed by the magazine and also the bloggers, so mereka memberanikan diri untuk nekat aja dateng sendirian kwkwkwk. Ada yg nitipin anak2nya ke ortu untuk beberapa hari etc wkwkwkk.

Ada salah satu cewe yg kesaksian pas retret itu. Dia bilang dia itu sering jatuh bangun dalam perjalanan ama Tuhan, and pas dia ketemu our blogs, dia itu kayak amazed, “ternyata ada yah wanita2 Allah yg dipake luar biasa..” wkkwkwkwk. I dunno, I just found that statement menggelitik hehe. Sampe segitukah pesimisnya atas wanita2 Allah jaman sekarang dimata anak2 muda?  I just wanna say, YES MASIH BANYAAAKKKKK, dan kamu adalah salah satunya :)

Di hari pertama, gue sharing the word of God di sesi pertama dan kedua. Sesi pertama, gue membahas ttg  The Power Of God. Intinya, Tuhan Yesus adalah Tuhan yang menjadi manusia. When He became human, he was powerless, but when He was baptised in water and in Holy Spirit, BOOM, Dia langsung bisa melakukan banyak mukjijat. Dan banyak orang yang jadi tertarik ikut sama Dia. So the point is, without Holy Spirit, kita itu kristen yg powerless. Kayak mobil yang ga ada bensinnya. So this session, kita doain para peserta buat baptisan Roh Kudus, supaya mereka punya POWER untuk continue the work of the Lord. Ga jatuh bangun terus.

Dan Tuhan Yesus itu Tuhan dan laki2 yang sopan. Dia ga pernah memaksa kita untuk menerima KasihNya. Tapi Dia selalu mengetuk dan menawarkan kasihNya. Di penutupan sesi ini, para peserta dibagi beberapa kelompok. 3-4 cewe pergroup bergandengan tangan dan saling mendoakan. (nah gue agak lupa, session 1 & 2 penutupannya yg mana duluan, pokoknya penutupan sesi ada doa baptisan roh kudus, dan ada yg dapet bahasa roh. Ada juga mendapatkan pelepasan dari masa lalunya. G juga doain mereka satu persatu dan give them specific word of the Lord) Yah karena ini retret cewe semua, banyak yg bercucuran air mata dan mengalami pelepasan. Praise God! wkwkkwkwk

Session kedua, gue itu sebenernya dikasih topik sama team, “apa penghalang kita deket sama Tuhan”, what are the hindrance gitu. Jawabannya biasanya adalah, ya karena comfort zone, males, sibuk etc. But to sum it all, sebenernya itu smua point to ‘karena roh kita yg lemah’. Karena roh kita lemah, kita gampang distracted. So gue share ttg how to build your spirit, gimana bedain suara Tuhan, suara kita dan suara iblis. I also share about how the devil work in our lives, so kita ga tertipu lagi ama muslihatnya.

Terus session malemnya, si G lead praise n worship sebentar then ada session tanya jawab. Peserta bisa tanya apa aja sama gue and G. Ada yg nanya ttg gimana cari spiritual leader, ttg panggilan dan yg paling seru adalah pertanyaan2 pasangan idup of coz. Kita juga ditanya2in ttg our love story since some of them know about my blog. Ada salah satu peserta yang nanya ttg  pasangan idup, “Buat cewe2 yg sedang mencari pasangan idup, bagaimana kita bisa tahu yg mana domba2 jantan yg ada digereja  yang patut didoakan? I mean kriteria apa yg kita bisa liat dari hidupnya?” Throughout sesi tanya jawab, kita semua ketawa terus kalo ada term ‘domba jantan’ wkkwkwkwk I love that term!

Then the next day, session trakhir, sessionnya G bagi firman. Yah dia mah preaching gitu deh. Trus abis makan siang, kita pulang. Maap untuk mereka yg minta sessionnya direkam karena tiba2 mereka batal ga bisa ikut. Ga bisa direkam tuh soalnya pas coba rekam, ternyata hasilnya jelek banget. Karena ruangannya bergema so ga kedengeran. Maybe one day, I will blog abt topik2 yg gue bagiin dengan lebih dalem.

Sooo, at the end what happened is: semua peserta di encouraged to keep in touch with their group after the retreat, through Watsapp group apa FB. Karena within that group, mereka ada session dimana mereka saling sharing, ada yg sampe nangis dan juga saling mendoakan. These groups are supposed to strengthen each other. So my final message to them, is for them to be an accountability sister to each other within the group. Karena some of them ga punya that kind of support in their community so they definitely need that.

Gue juga terbeban untuk mentor beberapa cewe dari retreat ini. Dan my calling smakin ke-confirm. Tenkiu for Pearl Magazine once again for being faithful doing the work of the Lord. Padahal simple banget ya, dari cuma suka2 nulis di blog jadi bisa bikin online magazine and bisa bikin retret. Banyak peserta yg minta ini dijadiin event tiap tahun. G and gue yakin banget that this can be women movement in Indo. Kita terus doain buat Pearl Magazine yang udah menjadi berkat buat banyak cewe2 Indo di Indo dan juga di luar negri. Kalo dipikir2 luar biasa, karena pelopornya kan ibu2 muda, yang kerjanya kebanyakan ngurusin anak dirumah, but still they can impact the world from their homes :) God bless u, Lia, Grace and also Sarah Eliana and also the team members yg masih single2 hehe. We have seen the fruits of your labour. :)

Tenkiu banget juga panitia retreat from Pearl. Buat Felisia Devi, yg bolak balik anterin/jemputin/nemenin shopping di Mangdu/beliin makanan kita/nemenin Aiden. And juga Viryani, Dhieta and Stepgun yang suapin dan nemenin Aiden gunting2 kertas selama kita isi session. Dan juga Eunike, for being cute…wkwkwkwk…

Seru ketemu para blog readers yang laen. Yg selama ini cuma tau dari komen2 mereka and juga lewat FB. Some gue kagak bisa ngenalin karena potonya and orang aslinya tampangnya bedaaaaa heuaHEuHAEea. Sorry kalo gue ga gitu mengenali kalian smua ya hehe.

I’m also very much blessed oleh cerita salah satu peserta yg namanya Yudith. Ternyata dia full timer, melayani di satu HOME yg nampung 450 anak2 jalanan di JKT. Waktu gue balik ke Spore, gue liat videonya, wow it is such an amazing ministry! Bener2 ga gampang man, pelayanan seperti itu, tinggal sama mereka dll. Yudith cerita, dia dipanggil Bunda kan sama anak2 ini. Sometimes, anak2 jalanan ini dateng ke HOME subuh2 dan curhat. Dan mereka ga bisa donk refuse these kids who come to them, meskipun subuh2. Kadang2 udah cape banget but yah God enables them to minister to the kids.

Gue cantumin disini yah videonya.


I hope, we can bring our mission team kesana one day :)

Ketemuan yuk!

Hi All,

Cuma mo bilang kita sekeluarga bakal ke JKT tgl 8-12 Agustus, which is this Friday. Dalam rangka Pearl Magazine Retreat. As you guys know beberapa kali gue nulis articles for this women magazine. And for their first retreat, I’m honoured to be invited as their speaker along with G. The reason I’m writing this because, ada beberapa peserta yang tiba2 ga bisa ikut last minute, jadi semestinya sudah full, sekarang ada beberapa spot kosong kalo masih ada yg mau ikut this retreat.

The theme of the retreat will be for woman, of coz. How we get closer to Him, how to let go the distraction dan penghalang2 kita dekat sama Tuhan. Kalo ga bisa dateng full 3 days, mungkin bisa dateng weekendnya, tgl 9 or 10. Btw tgl 8 itu kita ga ada acara, nyampe di Depok (tempatnya di Sawangan Golf Resort) itupun udah malem. Session akan dimulai tgl 9, ada beberapa sessions and di tgl 10, satu session penutupan. Oh ya biayanya: Rp. 500,000 (sudah termasuk transportasi, akomodasi, 3 X meals dan 2 X  snacks per hari, dan buku acara)

Anyways this retreat only for 50 peserta, jadi lebih cozy lah ya. Bisa saling mengenal satu sama lain, lebih deket, lebih ada rasa kekeluargaan wkkwkw. Apalagi cewe2 semua, jadi asek deh. Yang cowo cuma G and Aiden hehe.

So yah, please let us know kalo ada yg tertarik untuk ikut. Sayang kalo masih ada spot kosong yg ga terisi. Yang dateng kebanyakan para bloggers, and juga readers. And some of them ada yg ga kenal sama sekali, dateng sendirian gitu wkwkkw. So if you want to come, you are not alone. :)

Oh then, kalo ga bisa bisa ikut retretnya, kalo mau hang out with us, I mean, gue, G and Aiden, bisa aja sih. Kita tinggalnya ntar di Ancol. So just drop us a visit if bisa ketemuan. :)

Kalo mo ikut retretnya, mesti daftar as soon as possible ya karena udah mepet nih. Hari jumat ini loh.

Ok, c u soon!

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‘Seks dengan Anak Kecil’

Hi all my blog readers and friends, ini ttg major changes in my blog.

From now on, gue akan ada blog posts yg hanya bisa diakses pake password. Mostly the ones ttg Aiden yg ada poto or video2nya. I will explain the reason below. So the people who will have access to my password-protected blog posts are those yg gue bener2 kenal. Please ask me for the password if you want to read.

At first, gue damai sejahtera aja taruh2 poto Aiden dll di blog gue. Then sejak post gue yang berjudul, “Saya sudah ga perawan di usia skolah” membludak, I saw a big jump in search term in particular topic. Maksudnya, di dashboard blog gue kan gue bisa liat search term apa aja yang digoogle ama orang2 yg bikin my blog comes up di search result mereka. And for the past few months sejak my blog post yg ttg perawan itu di publish, a worrying trend mulai keliatan. Most, I really mean, MOST, search term yg let people came to my blog is ‘cerita seks perawan’, ‘cerita perawan’, dan sebangsanya. Below is a screenshot of what I mean.

Ini screenshot gue ambil dari dashboard blog stats gue. Statistic sejak setaun terakhir. Please look at those search terms yg gue highlight.

search term

 

So yah, there you go. Seems like my blog now attracting dunno what kind of people… It is a worrying thought that these kind of ‘sick’ people came to my blog and gue ga damai sejahtera ada poto2 Aiden tertampang diblog gue.

Ini membuktikan smakin bobroknya dunia ini. Orang dewasa melihat anak2 sebagai obyek seks. Sangat menyedihkan. Mungkin gue menyinggung beberapa orang karena gue bilang ‘sick people’, tapi bukankah itu benar? You guys are sick. You need treatment. Buat mereka yg baca ini, yg come to my blog because of kalian search ‘seks dengan anak kecil’ dan sebangsanya. Come on, what happened? You want to have sex with children? Dan mungkin beberapa dari kalian berpikir untuk memperkosa? Gue kagak tau mau komen apa lagi selain, kalian butuh Yesus. Kalian butuh Tuhan. Dia yang akan menjawab pertanyaan2 mu, ketakutanmu, kebingunganmu. Dia akan membantumu. Gue tau jauh didalam hati nurani kalian (gue tau pasti masih ada), kalian tau bahwa yang kalian lakukan ini ga bener, tapi kalian ga punya kekuatan untuk mengatasinya, you dont have any control over it. Gue cuma bisa kasih satu jawaban. Cari Tuhan, cari Yesus. Kalian akan menemukan jawabannya disana. Seperti bagaimana Dia menjawab keterikatan gue dalam pornografi dan masturbasi waktu dulu banget. Seperti bagaimana Dia melepaskan gue dari segala keterikatan itu. Sekarang hidup gue udah jauh berubah. Ada damai sejahtera, ga ada yg perlu ditutup2in takut ketahuan orang. There is freedom in the Lord. Dan ini juga buat kalian semua.

Jesus loves you and He wants to set you free. Come to Him and you will not thirst anymore.

(PS: I’m guessing akan ada komen2 anonymous yg masuk, either bashing me or asking for help. We’ll see. I will not approve komen2 yg ga jelas anyway..)

Heal the wound, leave the scar

(Article ini dimuat di Majalah Pearl edisi April-Mei)

The verse for this article is: “Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits– who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion” (from Psalm 103 : 2-4)!

Bagi mereka yang sudah sering baca majalah Pearl dan baca blog gue, pasti sudah tau cerita kehidupan gue. Buat mereka yang belon tau, gue kasih ringkasannya aja dulu ya. So, gue dulu sebelon bertobat, pernah di abuse sexually sama pacar pertama. Gue harus melayani dia dalam sex, if I refused, he would threaten to hit me. To cut the story short, akhirnya gue bisa lepas dari dia dengan susah payah. Tapi setelah itu, kehidupan gue jadi hancur, gue terlibat hubungan sex dengan cowo2 laen, ngobat, clubbing, berusaha bunuh diri dll. Semuanya karena gue ngerasa ga ada gunanya idup lagi didunia ini, jadi gue merusak diri sendiri karena ga merasa diri gue berharga dan gue udah ga peduli dengan semuanya.

Setelah gue bertobat, gue mulai bersaksi ttg masa lalu gue. Sewaktu gue masih single pun, gue udah bersaksi di depan banyak orang bagaimana gue kehilangan keperawanan dan bagaimana Yesus menyembuhkan hidup gue. Ga mudah karena gue masih single tapi gue terbuka bahwa gue udah ga perawan.

Ada suatu saat dimana gue lagi bersaksi didepan anak2 sekolah, yg jumlahnya bisa sekitar 800 murid di satu aula. Dan salah satu murid berkomentar, bahwa dia ga mau punya cewe yg tidak perawan karena yg artinya itu cewe bekas. Sakit banget sebenernya hati gue saat itu. But you know what kept me going? Ga gitu lama setelah kejadian itu, ada satu cewe SMP yg menghampiri gue and mengaku bahwa dia udah ga perawan gara2 waktu SD di perkosa. Dan ga ada yang tahu itu. Dan dia memberanikan diri menghampiri gue sambil bercucuran air mata. Gue percaya saat itu adalah langkah pertama dia mengalami pemulihan. I took comfort in knowing that kesaksian gue juga membongkar kebusukan2 iblis. Gue bener2 benci sama iblis yang memakai seks buat merampas masa depan orang, terutama cewe2. Saat itu gue ngerasa, kalo memang hati gue harus hancur, dibilang sebagai cewe bekas tapi gue bisa nyelamatin satu cewe aja, itu cukup buat gue. That was comforting enough for me. That kept me going.

Gue inget waktu pertama kali gue bertobat di tahun 2002, ada seorang pastor yg punya karunia nabi yang doain gue, dia bilang gini, “Tuhan mau menggunakan masa lalumu untuk kemuliaan-Nya.” Padahal si pastor ga kenal gue. Waktu itu gue ga gitu ngerti, tapi sekarang gue benar2 mengerti. Nubuatan itu menjadi salah satu yg memicu gue untuk tetap maju terus bersaksi meskipun ada orang2 yg anggap gue cewe bekas dipake. Then di tahun 2008, setelah gue kesaksian di sekolah2, ada seorang pastor lagi yg bernubuat, “You and your partner will be spiritual parents for the broken. You both will reach multitude of people.” Nah gue dulu sempet lumayan GR, gue pikir wah multitude nih. Apa gue bakal kayak joyce meyer gitu ya. Yg berceramah di depan ribuan orang hahaha. Tapi ternyata Tuhan punya rencana lain. Gue baru ngerti ‘multittude’ yang dimaksud Tuhan. Yaitu lewat blog.

Setelah gue menikah, gue baru mendapat conviction to write my past in my blog. Saat itu blog gue udah lumayan banyak pengikut karena gue tulis cerita pertemuan gue dan suami, gimana Tuhan membimbing gue etc, tapi gue ga pernah blak2an tulis tentang masa lalu. Setelah gue tulis (yg berjudul how I met Him and Darah Perawan), ga sedikit orang2 yang gue ga kenal message buat curhat. Ga hanya cewe, cowo pun juga. Dengan bermacam2 versi masa lalu dan juga pergumulan mereka.

Ga sedikit cewe2 yang kontak gue and cerita kalo mereka sudah terjebak dalam seks bebas, termasuk di dalam kalangan gereja mereka sendiri. Gue asli gregetan, bukan gregetan sama cewe2 ini. Tapi sama iblis. I hate him with passion. Berani2nya dia utak-atik anak2 Tuhan, berani2nya dia menodai gereja Tuhan. But well, it is because our nature of sin that makes us fall into temptation. Dan iblis tau banget soal itu, dan dia gunain itu sebagai senjatanya. Itulah knapa gue buka terang2an masa lalu gue, his lies, his wicked plan and also His restoration. Misi gue adalah untuk membongkar kebohongan-kebohongan iblis buat mereka yang sudah jatuh dalam dosa seks dan memberitakan KEBENARAN!

The truth is:
We are free, we are redeemed, we are dead from our sins and rise again as Christ has risen. No power can stand against Him. The devil can only lie. Be angry at the devil!

Selain itu, sekitar 5-6 taon yang lalu gue juga pernah mimpi yang jelas banget. Dan gue percaya mimpi ini dari Tuhan, karena benar2 berbicara sama gue.

Di mimpi itu, gue berada di luar suatu ruangan yg besar, dan ada jendelanya jadi gue bisa liat apa yang terjadi didalam. Gue liat banyak sekali cewe2 didalam ruangan itu. Dan di langit2 ruangan itu ada banyak pipa2. Dan yg keluar deras dari pipa2 itu adalah acid. Dan cewe2 yg dibawah semua tersiram acid dari pipa2 itu dan semuanya pada teriak-teriak kesakitan. Pokoknya pemandangan yg mengerikan, cewe2 ini di torture, kulitnya terbakar oleh acid sampe mengelupas. Dan ruangan ini penuh dengan teriakan2 kesakitan. Terus gue liat diluar ruangan itu ada orang pakai baju item yang berdiri di dekat keran yang switch the acid on and off. He saw me, when I met his eyes, I was so scared that I ran out of the room. Gue terus lari, dan tiba2 gue liat didepan gue ada dua jalan keluar.

Satu adalah jalan yang luas, besar dan kosong ga ada2 nya. Persis disebelah jalan besar itu ada koridor sempit yang langit2nya ada pipa2 yang ngucurin acid, sama persis ama yg diruangan sebelumnya. Tapi di sejajaran pancoran acid itu ada ember2 yang berisi air. Nah lucunya, didalam mimpi itu, gue ga ambil jalan besar itu. Jalan yg plong dan keliatan aman. Tapi gue malah milih lewat koridor yang penuh acid.

Dan tiba2 ada seorang cewe didepan gue and dia tunjukin ke gue gimana ngelewatin koridor itu. Dia ambil tuh ember isi air dan ditumpahin airnya ke badan dia, lalu dia lewatin cucuran acid. Jadi setiap kali dia melewati cucuran acid, dia siram badannya dengan air di ember itu. Dan dia ajarin gue untuk ngelakuin yang sama. Cucuran acid itu sama sekali ga nyakitin kita because of the water that covers our skin.

Terus gue bangun, dan mimpi itu jelassss banget dipikiran gue sampe gue nanya Tuhan apa artinya. Dan Tuhan bukain…

Ruangan dimana cewe2 itu berada, itu seperti keadaan didunia sekarang. Di dalam alam roh, iblis menyiksa para wanita, bikin cewe2 ini kesakitan di dalam roh mereka. Mereka menderita, mereka berteriak kesakitan, mereka berdosa, dan mereka ga bisa dan ga mampu keluar dari dosa2 seksual mereka. Laki2 yang pake baju item diluar ruangan itu menggambarkan iblis  dan dia yang punya kuasa untuk menyakiti para wanita tadi ,membuat mereka menjadi budaknya, membuat mereka ga berdaya.

Nah abis gitu ada dua jalan kan. Jalan besar dan jalan kecil. Ternyata ini adalah tentang panggilan gue. Knapa gue ga milih jalan yg besar dan keliatan aman itu? Ternyata jalan itu menggambarkan, kalo gue ambil jalan itu, emang aman tentram rasanya, tapi somehow, ada kekosongan di sana, karena jalan itu gedeeee banget but it just feels so dead, ga ada apa2. Kalo gue ambil jalan itu, jalan idup gue akan begitu2 saja. Kosong.

Nah kalo jalan yang satunya, kecil dan penuh acid. God was telling me something through this little corridor. Waktu gue ambil jalan penuh ancaman ini, membongkar rahasia iblis dll. Emang ga bakalan gampang, but Tuhan udah kasih tau caranya untuk melewati bahaya. Ingat ember air yang ada disepanjang cucuran acid? Itu Tuhan bilang as my protection. Gue ga perlu takut, karena ada ember2 air yang akan covers my skin. Air itu melambangkan Roh Kudus. I just need to be soaked in the Holy Spirit, and He will cover me from all evil.

Isn’t that awesome??? God is GREAT!! Seperti di firman Tuhan bilang,

Matthew 7:13
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.”

Jalannya Tuhan adalah jalan yang sempit, yang ga semua orang mau laluin.

So yah, mimpi itu jadi salah satu yang mendorong gue untuk terus maju ‘wearing my scar’.

Seperti yg gue udah cerita, ada orang2 yang butuh mendengar kesaksian gue, tapi juga ada orang2 yang mempunyai pandangan lain. Ada juga yg merespon dengan shock, kayak ga percaya, ada yg ga berani mendekati gue sehabis gue kesaksian di depan umum atau di suatu event, ada juga ibu-ibu yang memandang gue dengan pandangan matanya seperti bilang ga sepatutnya gue ada disana.

Kejadian yg paling recent terjadi seminggu lalu.

Beberapa bulan lalu, gue ada nulis blog soal tes keperawanan, dimana gue bikin surat terbuka buat pemimpin2 yang mau ngadain tes keperawanan. Disana gue tulis sisi dari mereka yang sudah hilang keperawanannya, termasuk gue. Gimana tes itu akan membawa pengaruh buruk dll. Ga disangka, tulisan gue itu membludak, di share ama banyak orang. Dari situ juga banyak cewe2 yang gue ga kenal, menghubungi gue, curhat ttg macem2.

Ada juga beberapa komen yang masuk, dan bahasanya tidak mengenakan. Ada yang malah menuduh gue seperti iblis, ada yang komen gue cewe murahan, ada yang bilang salah sendiri gue bego dulunya mau kehilangan keperawanan etc. Banyak deh macem2 komen. Tapi gue selalu inget perkataan pastor gue dulu. Waktu gue baru mulai sering kesaksian di seminar, pastor ini bilang ke gue, “akan selalu ada dua group of people when they heard of your testimony. Satu group adalah the broken, the people who need you. Group satunya lagi adalah mereka yg akan menghakimi.”

Yah so I’m aware, selama gue ngejalanin panggilan gue ini, akan selalu ada dua group of people. And I don’t care about the second group of people. Peduli amat mereka mao menghakimi gue gimana. My past is behind me. And I stand for my testimony. I’m the living proof that God heals and restores.

Yes, I was wounded badly before in my past. But I’ve decided to wear my scar and let other people see because I see the hopelessness of those yang sudah kehilangan keperawanan. Or yang lagi bergumul ttg seks. Some of these women ga bisa melihat kalo ada masa depan bagi mereka. Mereka kecewa sama diri sendiri, orang lain, rendah diri, malu dll dan yang terburuk adalah mereka ga bisa keluar dari lingkaran seks bebas. Mereka tahu itu bukan kehendak Tuhan, tapi mereka ga punya kekuatan untuk keluar karena setan terus membohongi mereka.
Again, I’m the evidence that God is real. I’m the proof (among so many out there) that God gives a future for His children.

I’m the proof that in spite of my sins, God forgave and entrusted me with a godly husband and son. And now together as a family, we are serving Him.

I see girls who are restored from their sexual sins, and now they are serving the Lord. Not easy for them, some of them still struggle but God is faithful. Salah satu dari mereka yang gue mentoring jarak jauh, (gue kenal dia tiga taun lalu saat dia baca blog gue dan dia komen) akhirnya mengalami pemulihan, dan dia akan menikah dengan anak Tuhan beberapa bulan lagi.

Another girl was beyond depressed, she was actually possesed, tried to kill herself a couple of times, sometimes she laughed by herself without reason, then the next second she cried and wailed. When I met her, she couldn’t focus. She kept twisting the Word of God that we asked her to read. So, kita adain doa pelepasan. And after few hours of consultation, she finally decided she wanted to get baptised and now, she is in the process of healing.

Those are what makes me joyful. To see how God’s children are healed, restored, begin their new life again with God. To show them hope in God is never in vain. The cost of wearing my scars is NOTHING compared to the joy I get, knowing people are released and bondage are broken, and the lying devil is defeated!

Yes, the wound healed, it didn’t hurt me anymore. But of course, the scars are still there. But I wear my scars proudly because when people see my scars, they will know Jesus is my healer and my redeemer.

 Do not be ashamed of your battle scars because that is the proof that God is great and devil is a liar.

You might ask, what enables me to do all these?

Because God have spoken.

When God speaks, there is power to do the impossible crazy things.

Don’t give up. Your Promise Land is nearer than you think. Your attitude will determine how fast you will get out from your desert and reach that Promise Land.

 

 

Growing Aiden 5

Aiden sekarang udah umur 3 taon. Smakin asik maen ama dia, karena dia udah smakin improve in his communication. Udah bisa arrange words to make sentences. Kadang2 bisa ngelucu juga dia. Kayak kemarin, ada kejadian begini…

Scene: Udah malem saatnya Aiden masuk kamar buat bobo. Maenannya masih berantakan, so I asked him to clean up.

Gue: Ok Aiden, time to bobo. Clean up first please.
Aiden: Oh okay… *nyamperin gue* (btw Aiden’s favourite phrase now is ‘oh okay’)

So Aiden dateng ke gue yg lagi duduk diantara banyak maenannya yg belon diberesin and dia ambil satu mobil ditangan kanan, and satu mobil ditangan kiri. Then dia berdiri langsung ngeloyor ke kamar.

Gue: Lho, kok kabur… clean up first please!
Aiden: *with such a sweet face, looking at me and said* Mommy clean up, Aiden bobo…

Enak aja! Pinter amat ini anak gue wkkwkw.

———————-

Selama ini kita ajarin Aiden berdoa sendiri, kita mulai dengan telling him to say thanks in his prayer. So, kayak, “thank u for healing, thank u for miracle, thank u for daddy etc etc”

And biasanya kalo dia sakit kakinya karena kebentur apa bagian badannya ada yg jatuh/kebentur etc, kita ajarin dia buat lay his hand on the part yg sakit and berdoa, “thank u Jesus for your healing. No more pain, in Jesus’ name. Amen”

So a few days ago, my toe hit something quite bad, sakit bok. Then Aiden liat gue ngeringis2 nahan sakit pas jalan. Aiden nyamperin gue curiously….

Gue: Aiden, mommy’s feet pain. Ouchhh…
Aiden: *dengan kepalanya dimiringin*… Pain?
Gue: Yah, mommy’s feet painful
Aiden: *langsung drop on his knees, lay his hand on my jempol kaki* .. Thank u for the feet…

So sweet…. meskipun salah. It’s the thought that counts wkwkwk.

———————-

Sebelon bobo, kita juga ajarin Aiden to pray for us, his parents.

One day, he prayed…

Aiden: Thank u for the Word
Gue: Say,… thank u for God’s Word
Aiden: Thank u for God’s Word

Then besoknya… he prayed…

Aiden: Thank u for mommy’s Word
Gue: No, no.. say… thank u for God’s Word
Aiden: Oh.. okay. Thank you for daddy’s Word…
Gue: No, not daddy’s or mommy’s word…

———————–

Kmaren gue sama Aiden liat2 mini poto journal yg gue bikin buat Aiden. Disana ada poto dari dia masih di kandungan sampe dia udah umur setaon.

Gue tunjukin poto gue hamil gede…

Gue: Look, Mommy’s tummy here very big right???
Aiden: Yes.
Gue: Aiden was inside Mommy’s tummy at that time… *then gue tunjukin poto Aiden pas abis dilahirin di hospital*,.. then Aiden came out from Mommy’s tummy!
Aiden: *liat perut gue skarang dengan tampang bingung, terus liat poto gue lagi hamil terus liat lagi poto babynya*… Tummy???
Gue: Yes! Aiden was inside Mommy’s tummy, seeeee, it was so biggg!!! Then Aiden came out!
Aiden: *masih pake tampang confused and mikir. For a few minutes, dia liat lagi poto hamil gue, poto baby and then ke perut gue, terus balik lagi liat poto hamil, poto baby, perut gue*
Gue: See!!
Aiden: Oh okay…

———————

Aiden kalo bobo sukanya sambil hold hands. Pas lagi in the middle of the night, tiba2 dia bisa bangun and wake me up and said, “Mommy, hold hand please”, so yah kita tidur sambil hold hands gitu kwkwkw.

————————–

Kmaren kita maen playdough, so gue bikinin Aiden butterfly, bee and bird. Then Aiden asked for an elephant…

Gue: Ask daddy make elephant, ok?
Aiden: Daddy!!! Elephant please!
Daddy: Daddy cannot make elephant…
Gue: Bisa lah, bikin aja…
Daddy: Waduh, gue kagak bisa bikin beginian man… *trus dia diem lama*
Gue: Daddy make elephant for Aiden please…
Daddy: Bentar… gue lagi mikir bikinnya gimana…

Then….

Daddy: Ok, daddy make elephant for Aiden ok?
Aiden: Okay!

Ga gitu lama, he showed me his creation…

Daddy: Say,… nih elephant!!
Gue: HHUAEHuAEHe this is elephant???
Daddy: Iyah!!

Langsung gue poto hAUEHuAHEAE

2014-02-06 21.55.33

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gambar bawah kanan adalah elephant karya daddy hAUEhuaehaE. So gue tunjukin Aiden…

Gue: Aiden look! Daddy make u elephant!
Aiden: Oh, elephant!

Aiden ngeliatnya dengan tampang aneh gitu, with an awkward smile kayak ga yakin…

Daddy: Does it look like an elephant?
Aiden: No.

Trus malemnya pas mo bobo, gue kasih Aiden liat poto diatas lagi.

Gue: Aiden, see this pic, what are these??
Aiden: butterfly, bee, bird, elephant!
Gue: Is this an elephant?
Aiden: Yes
Gue: Does it look like an elephant?
Aiden: No
Gue: *ngakak* Are you sureee this is not elephant???
Aiden: *geleng2* Not elephant.

————

Aiden and his bestfren, Maggie (2 years old) lagi maen bareng. Maggie gambar something on her drawing pad. Biasa lah gambaran anak2 ucek2 ga jelas. Benang kusut gitu, penuh on the page.

Maggie: *dengan hebohnya manggil Aiden to show what she draw*, Aiden!!! Look!! Tree!!!
Aiden: *ngeliat*… No.
Maggie: Tree, Aiden!!
Aiden: *geleng2* No!!
Maggie: Tree!!
Aiden: No tree!!
Maggie: Tree!
Aiden: No tree!!!!

So it went for a couple of minutes, saling ngotot. Yg satu bilang dia draw tree in spite of her benang kusut drawing, the other is firm saying what she draw is not a tree.

Saya sudah ga perawan di usia sekolah

(UPDATE, a day after this article is written: Just heard that this ‘tes keperawanan’ thing is a hoax. That DInas Pendidikan di Prabumulih sebenernya ga pernah bilang kalo tes ini akan diwujudkan. So please do not condemn them coz it can be false news. Well, if it is just a hoax , then I got work up for nothing hehe, but I still believe this article below still serves a purpose.)

Postingan ini menjadi semacam surat yang saya mau ajukan kepada Kepala Dinas Pendidikan Prabumulih, Sumatera Selatan. Atau siapa saja yg ambil keputusan untuk melaksanakan tes keperawanan buat siswi2 SMA di Indonesia.

Untuk info full article nya bisa dibaca disini.

(Sorry ya pak, kalo bahasa saya campur aduk, bahasa Inggris, Indonesia, Jawa dan juga bahasa gaul.)  

Jadi intinya, Bapak bilang kalo ga perawan berarti ga boleh sekolah.

Knapa saya ambil keputusan untuk menulis postingan ini? Karena saya ingin bapak mendengar dari sisi wanita muda yang sudah kehilangan keperawanannya sewaktu usia sekolah.

Mungkin Bapak pikir dalam hati, “kamu ga perawan karena kamu nakal kan dulu? Seks bebas dan lain sebagainya.” Iya Bapak benar. Saya dulu nakal, seks bebas disana sini. Sampai akhirnya saya hampir bunuh diri, merasa ga ada lagi makna dalam hidup saya.

Tapi apa Bapak tau knapa saya menjadi nakal?

Karena didikan orang tua yang salah. Saya yakin ortu saya tidak bermaksud demikian, tapi karena mereka tidak mengerti bagaimana mendidik anak dengan baik, mereka mendidik saya seperti apa yg nenek kakek saya lakukan pada mereka. Kurangnya kasih sayang, omongan yg menjatuhkan, bukannya mendukung dan menyemangati anak2nya. Saya juga sering dipukuli sewaktu kecil sampai SMP, sehingga menimbulkan kemarahan dan kebencian pada ortu saya.

Saya haus kehangatan ortu, apalagi ayah saya. Dia adalah tipikal ayah yang ada tapi tidak benar2 ada. Hanya sibuk kerja dan kasih duit. Jarang sekali saya merasakan kehangatan di keluarga.

Nah hal ini menjurus kepada karakter saya yang haus akan kasih sayang. Sewaktu saya beranjak remaja, ada laki2 yang memberi saya perhatian, kasih sayang yang saya tidak pernah rasakan sebelumnya. Dan akhirnya dia meminta keperawanan saya. Karena saya dulu masih gampang dibohongin, di bujuk2, katanya kalo sayang sama dia, saya kasih keperawanan saya yg paling berharga buat dia. Akhirnya saya kasih.

Sejak itu hidup saya semakin suram, ternyata laki2 ini hanya menggunakan saya sebagai pelampiasan seks. Dan saat saya lepas darinya, saya jatuh sama laki2 yg laen. Polanya sama pak, mereka semua sepertinya sayang sama saya, tapi ternyata mereka punya tujuan lain.

Saya semakin merasa hidup saya tidak ada artinya, dan tidak mengerti bagaimana saya bisa keluar dari ini semua. Jadi saya ambil keputusan untuk bunuh diri. Tapi karena doa teman2 saya yang benar2 peduli sama saya. Saya akhirnya bertemu sama Tuhan Yesus. (Saya tidak berusaha menginjili Bapak. Saya cuma mau cerita pengalaman saya pribadi. Tolong terus dibaca ya. Ini menyangkut hidup mati.)

Dia yang membuat saya merasa berharga kembali. Dia memaafkan semua kesalahan-kesalahan yang saya buat dimasa lalu. Dan menjadikan saya seperti baru. Tau ga Pak, rasanya gimana diterima, dimaafkan, dan bisa memulai hidup baru? Sejak saat itu saya memutuskan untuk mengabdi sama Tuhan. Dan akhirnya saya sekarang sudah dipulihkan total, mempunyai suami yang takut Tuhan dan juga seorang anak laki2.

Saya juga mendedikasikan hidup saya untuk anak2 cewe yang punya masa lalu yg seperti saya.  Saya mau memberitahu mereka bahwa ada masa depan yg penuh harapan buat mereka. Meskipun mereka berbuat kesalahan kehilangan perawan dimasa lalunya. Bisa saja mereka kehilangan keperawanan karena kebodohan/kepolosan (seperti saya) , atau karena dilecehkan, diperkosa.

Waktu Bapak ambil keputusan untuk mengadakan tes keperawanan buat tes masuk siswi SMA, saya ngeri. Karena saya teringat kejadian dimana waktu itu saya berbicara di sebuah konferensi buat anak2 SMP. Saya kesaksian bagaimana saya kehilangan keperawanan saya dan bagaimana Tuhan memaafkan dan memulihkan saya. Tau gak, Pak? Setelah acara itu, ada salah satu anak cewe masih SMP, memberanikan diri datang ke saya secara pribadi dan mengaku dia udah tidak perawan. Apa yang telah terjadi sama dia?

Waktu dia masih TK, ada seorang paman yang usil. Dia ngeliat anak cewe ini main bersama anak laki2 yg berusia SD di dekat rumahnya, dan paman ini memanggil mereka berdua, dan paman ini mengajari anak SD ini memperkosa dia. Anak SD ini ga ngerti apa2 jadi dia lakukan saja, apalagi anak cewe ini juga ga ngerti. Waktu anak cewe ini udah smakin besar, dia baru mengerti apa yg terjadi saat itu. Dan dia tidak pernah mengatakannya pada siapa pun. Baru setelah dia mendengar kesaksian saya, dia memberanikan diri mengaku pada saya dengan menangis. Karena dia tidak tahu dia harus berbicara kepada siapa. Malu yang dia tanggung karena sudah tidak perawan dan bukan karena kesalahannya.

Bisakah Bapak membayangkan juga tes keperawanan untuk masuk SMA dilakukan untuk anak2 cewe seperti dia? Apa yang bisa terjadi? Saya tidak pernah bisa melupakan wajah anak ini yang penuh tangisan didepan saya. Sekarang pun saat saya menulis surat ini, saya tidak bisa membendung air mata saya. Saya bisa merasakan sakitnya menyimpan ini semua, saya bisa merasakan pedihnya kehilangan keperawanan.

Apa yang akan terjadi pada anak2 cewe yang mengalami hal-hal seperti dia?

Mereka tidak akan berani mendaftar sekolah. Jika ortunya memaksa, apa alasan yang mereka bisa berikan? Bisa2 mereka memilih untuk mengakhiri hidup mereka daripada hal ini terbongkar.

Daripada melakukan tes keperawanan sebagai kontrol sosial buat anak2 muda tidak bergaul bebas, bagaimana kalau saya mengajukan usul lain?

Education starts from home.

Pendidikan dimulai dari rumah.

Maksud saya, bagaimana saya bisa jadi nakal dan terjerumus dalam seks bebas dimasa remaja? Karena saya tidak mengerti. Orang tua saya tidak pernah mendidik. Mendidik kebanyakan hanya dalam bentuk pukulan atau carcian. Saya tidak merasa saya berharga. Disitu saya mencari kasih sayang dalam bentuk yang salah, yaitu dipelukan laki2 lain.

Daripada melakukan tes keperawanan, kenapa kita tidak membuat suatu gerakan memberi pendidikan kepada orang tua? Terutama bagi orang tua muda. Tidak pernah terlambat untuk belajar menjadi orang tua yang baik dan penuh kasih. Yang bisa menaruh prinsip2 Tuhan dan kekudusan didalam anak2 mereka sejak dini.

Saya punya seorang teman wanita yang masih usia sekolah dan single. Dan dia menjunjung tinggi sekali kekudusan. Dia punya prinsip teguh tentang sex after marriage meskipun dia sekolah di Amerika. Bagaimana dia bisa begitu? Saya melihat dia mempunyai hubungan yang dekat sekali dengan orang tuanya. Terutama ayahnya. Ayahnya memberi dia kasih sayang selayaknya seorang ayah yang menghargai putrinya. Teman saya ini tahu kalau dia berharga, dan juga keperawanannya. Jadi dia jaga baik2 untuk suaminya nanti. Dan dia tidak mau menyakiti ortunya dengan melakukan hal-hal yang dia tau bisa menyedihkan mereka.

Orang tua mempunyai peran besar dalam membentuk karakter anak.

Saya yakin Bapak punya anak. Perhatikan benar-benar apa kebutuhan anak-anak Bapak. Ga cuma anak cewe saja. Yg kehilangan keperawanan emang anak cewe, tapi siapa yang menghilangkan? Tentu saja yg cowo kan?

It takes two hands to clap.

Jadi juga perhatikan anak2 cowo disekitar kita. Kita sebagai orang tua harus mendidik mereka untuk menghargai wanita. Dan anak laki2 belajar ini semua dari ayahnya. A father is a role model how to be a man. Menjadi seorang laki2 yang penuh tanggung jawab dan integritas.

Sebagai penutupan, saya sekarang sudah menjadi seorang ibu. Saya punya kesalahan di masa lalu, tapi Tuhan sudah mengampuni saya dari dosa masa lalu. Tuhan saja bisa, kenapa kita tidak bisa mengampuni?

Usul saya, Dinas Pendidikan bisa mengadakan kelas-kelas Parenting untuk orang tua. Membahas masalah2 pelik seperti puber, seks, keperawanan, bagaimana mendidik anak dengan benar dan penuh kasih. Bagaimana berbicara kepada anak dll. Bagi orang tua yg tidak bisa menghadiri karena kesibukan, bisa juga Dinas Pendidikan membagikan buku kecil panduan atau dalam bentuk CD yang bisa didengar. Banyak cara yang bisa ditempuh sesuai dengan kebutuhan orang tua. Karena orang tua juga banyak yang tidak mengerti bagaimana membesarkan anak dengan baik. Mereka membuat kesalahan dll, seperti orang tua saya.

Saya percaya, dengan pengertian yang benar, orang tua bisa memberikan prinsip2 kekudusan ini dan inilah yang akan mencegah seks bebas diantara para remaja. Karena tes keperawanan hanya mencegah luarnya saja. Mereka bisa saja tetap mempertahankan keperawanan mereka tapi melakukan hal2 seks yang lain, yg nyerempet-nyerempet misalnya. Karena tes keperawanan is not dealing directly with the real problem. Masalah sebenarnya adalah prinsip-prinsip kebenaran tidak benar2 tertanam di dalam diri mereka.

Pesan saya, didiklah orang tua dengan benar sejak dini dan mereka akan menghasilkan anak-anak muda yang luar biasa yang bisa membanggakan Indonesia.

(PS: Hoping that para pembaca can share this posting around… so maybe, just maybe.. bisa nyampe ke si Bapak-bapak yg dimaksud :) )


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