Archive for the 'Lover of My Soul' Category

Why we move church

Hi all,

Long time haven’t updated my blog ya.

There are drastic changes in our life for the past few weeks, one of the things is we move church.

The reason I wrote this blog is to clarify, to avoid rumors and assumptions, because people may jump into conclusions before hearing the true story from us. Because there are people we haven’t gotten the chance to tell them why.

So it all started from 4 years ago. We received a prophecy from a prophet, when he prayed for us, he said… “you will get out from IFGF.” Of course I was shocked, never in my life we thought we would move church. G had been in this church for 20 years, I had been in for 13 years. I actually laughed when I heard that, and didn’t believe it.

As years gone by, a number of pastors and prophets said things that basically sound the same. That is we are sent out, we have to get out etc. Last year, one of the prophets came back to us and asked, “why are u still in the church? why are u delaying?” I was shocked when I heard that, because I knew I didn’t want to go, I hadn’t received it from the Lord, and actually I hardened my heart from receiving it. This is my home church, and I didn’t want to leave, I love the people here, they are family.

Three months ago, another prophet came to our church, and he prayed for G,.. “they are waiting for you… these group of people waiting for you.” and when this prophet prayed for me, he prayed for strength. At that time, God spoke strongly to me that I was the one holding G back. I was the one that was delaying. God told me to be strong and let go.

Four weeks ago, I felt strongly that God said to me, “If I delay some more, there will be more consequences..

So yeah, that’s the final say. So we have decided to move.

It was a shocking news for some people. But not so for others. They already know that we will be sent out anyway.

One of the leaders asked me, “I’m concerned about this. Seems like you guys are in the rush, unstable condition u are going to. You still haven’t found a new job, still unsure which church u are going to, are you guys ok?” (FYI, G also quit his job in the church)

I replied, “I also have no idea where we should go. But one thing I know, I was scared at that time, I had worries about a lot of things. But God showed me the cloud in Elijah story. You know when Elijah prayed for rain. There was not a single cloud in the sky. But for the 7th time they checked, they saw a very tiny cloud as small as our fist. God had shown me that small cloud, He had shown me a glimpse of His promise. The promise of rain.”

When I received that from Him, I felt peace and we know this is the right decision. God will be our provider and will show us the way. Two weeks ago, while I was worshiping in church, I saw that small cloud now is soooo bigggg and so nearrr that I can touch it! Wah haleluyah!!  Amen for that!

And it’s true, God had shown us glimpses of His promise to us. There are a few doors that are opened, that we never thought they would be opened for us. Through basketball for example. It was initially a hobby, but through this hobby, somehow God connects us to this Christian sports organisation which primary ministry is to reach out to local and international schools in Singapore. For now, they have 25 schools under their care. They are official organisation that can come to these schools, to coach, mentor and impart values. Can be in secular setting or Christian. But the values are biblical values. And last week, G started to be involved in one of their sports programmes, as a volunteer coach/mentor for one secondary school. After that session, few of them contacted G and shared a bit about their struggle and fear. When I saw the chats, wow it brings joy to me, God give us souls! And they want to meet up regularly for training with G. So it started just because G has a passion for basketball, but God reveal to us to see beyond the hobby! Souls start to come and they are so precious! And it is one of our calling to reach out to the youth and young generation. And this is not all, this is just a beginning. God also opens ways to the government! Will update later when it’s time 🙂

And in another divine appointment, we got to know this Apostle in Australia who already has a bible school there. And he has a vision to open in Southeast Asia, and this school is for believers that have a calling in mission field. To empower them, so they don’t just go to places to plant churches and spread Gospel, but to build the community, build resources, build ‘wells’. To equip the community with skills etc. And his ministry already opened safe houses in India for women and children, who were saved from abuse & injustice.

Oh wow! And when he shared that, something inside of G and I clicked! And to cut the story short, the bible school application already in process. A few obstacles because not easy for Singapore government to approve. G and I will teach the one year course. It is a part time course btw, to make it accessible for people who work full time. The school is not established yet but like what God showed me about the cloud, it is there and it is coming!

And no coincidence, 6 years ago I blogged about “What I want To Do Before 40 Years Old“. In that post, the last point, I wrote about Human Trafficking. Deep down in my heart, I always feel that I will go to that area. I dunno how, but I know I will serve there somehow. I had no connection, I had no clue how to get there, but I know God will place me there somehow.

And!!! I got to meet this Apostle who has opened safe houses in India! And he saw our calling is the same as his vision. And the thing is I’m turning 40 in a month’s time!! HAuhuHUAHa So it is somehow fulfilled!! Not there yet, but God has opened the way! He has shown the cloud!

There are few other things that God opened! Once we stepped out in faith and move like what He ordained us to do, things are happening!!

We know for sure, this is not the wrong decision. People are hurt because it seemed we made rush decision, but we prayed over this for so long. Some might be offended why we never told them earlier, for that, we want to apologize. It was hard for us to come to this decision. We didn’t tell because I had not received it until 4 weeks ago. I didn’t want to open my heart, but once I did, God gave me peace, showed me the cloud and opened doors.

Another thing that we received is, the next church we are going to, will be our training ground, where we will be trained and equipped in area where we haven’t be trained before. We have a church in mind, it is small one. The reason was, the founder of the church was the first prophet that so specific saying we were to go out of IFGF. I was just being curious, so I thought of visiting his church. You know all along, most of the prophecies from different prophets/pastors, they say almost the same thing:

“I see you doing unusual thing with unusual people. Places where people dun want to go, God will send you there. Places where people are disgusted to go, you will go there. You are called for the outcasts, people who are different and rejected. The broken.”

Always like that. From different pastors. And when I checked the church’s website, I found out it is located in Geylang (red-district in Spore), and they wrote, we are surrounded by prostitutes, loan sharks and drug dealers.

WHOAH!! Our calling!!! That can be it! That can be where God wants us to go. Maybe. So we want to go this church and see. 🙂

So yeah, sorry for the long post. I just feel that I need to write all this to avoid any assumptions. We know for sure God has given us a new season in a new home church.

I always hold on to His promise to me in 2016,

“The things that you have sown, there will be a reaping. Much fruit to come, some fruits have been overdue, this is the day that it will come forth. You have worked secretly and you have been doing things that others may not know but I’ve seen the work of your hand. I’m going to give seasons in your life and the fruits will come. The fruits are going to bear fruits and you will know BY SWEETNESS OF THE FRUITS, YOU WILL KNOW IT IS I WHO HAVE PROVIDED FOR YOU.

Do not fear, says The Lord. I know the things that you do. Do not fear man, do not fear what they say about you. Do not fear what intimidates you, but as you begin to spend time in prayer, in worshiping Me, your spiritual senses will be more opened up.”

So, thank you Jesus!

Thank you for the people who support us and release us with blessings. Means a lot to us. It is a new season for our family and we are excited with what God has done and will be doing!


Heal the wound, leave the scar

(Article ini dimuat di Majalah Pearl edisi April-Mei)

The verse for this article is: “Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits– who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion” (from Psalm 103 : 2-4)!

Bagi mereka yang sudah sering baca majalah Pearl dan baca blog gue, pasti sudah tau cerita kehidupan gue. Buat mereka yang belon tau, gue kasih ringkasannya aja dulu ya. So, gue dulu sebelon bertobat, pernah di abuse sexually sama pacar pertama. Gue harus melayani dia dalam sex, if I refused, he would threaten to hit me. To cut the story short, akhirnya gue bisa lepas dari dia dengan susah payah. Tapi setelah itu, kehidupan gue jadi hancur, gue terlibat hubungan sex dengan cowo2 laen, ngobat, clubbing, berusaha bunuh diri dll. Semuanya karena gue ngerasa ga ada gunanya idup lagi didunia ini, jadi gue merusak diri sendiri karena ga merasa diri gue berharga dan gue udah ga peduli dengan semuanya.

Setelah gue bertobat, gue mulai bersaksi ttg masa lalu gue. Sewaktu gue masih single pun, gue udah bersaksi di depan banyak orang bagaimana gue kehilangan keperawanan dan bagaimana Yesus menyembuhkan hidup gue. Ga mudah karena gue masih single tapi gue terbuka bahwa gue udah ga perawan.

Ada suatu saat dimana gue lagi bersaksi didepan anak2 sekolah, yg jumlahnya bisa sekitar 800 murid di satu aula. Dan salah satu murid berkomentar, bahwa dia ga mau punya cewe yg tidak perawan karena yg artinya itu cewe bekas. Sakit banget sebenernya hati gue saat itu. But you know what kept me going? Ga gitu lama setelah kejadian itu, ada satu cewe SMP yg menghampiri gue and mengaku bahwa dia udah ga perawan gara2 waktu SD di perkosa. Dan ga ada yang tahu itu. Dan dia memberanikan diri menghampiri gue sambil bercucuran air mata. Gue percaya saat itu adalah langkah pertama dia mengalami pemulihan. I took comfort in knowing that kesaksian gue juga membongkar kebusukan2 iblis. Gue bener2 benci sama iblis yang memakai seks buat merampas masa depan orang, terutama cewe2. Saat itu gue ngerasa, kalo memang hati gue harus hancur, dibilang sebagai cewe bekas tapi gue bisa nyelamatin satu cewe aja, itu cukup buat gue. That was comforting enough for me. That kept me going.

Gue inget waktu pertama kali gue bertobat di tahun 2002, ada seorang pastor yg punya karunia nabi yang doain gue, dia bilang gini, “Tuhan mau menggunakan masa lalumu untuk kemuliaan-Nya.” Padahal si pastor ga kenal gue. Waktu itu gue ga gitu ngerti, tapi sekarang gue benar2 mengerti. Nubuatan itu menjadi salah satu yg memicu gue untuk tetap maju terus bersaksi meskipun ada orang2 yg anggap gue cewe bekas dipake. Then di tahun 2008, setelah gue kesaksian di sekolah2, ada seorang pastor lagi yg bernubuat, “You and your partner will be spiritual parents for the broken. You both will reach multitude of people.” Nah gue dulu sempet lumayan GR, gue pikir wah multitude nih. Apa gue bakal kayak joyce meyer gitu ya. Yg berceramah di depan ribuan orang hahaha. Tapi ternyata Tuhan punya rencana lain. Gue baru ngerti ‘multittude’ yang dimaksud Tuhan. Yaitu lewat blog.

Setelah gue menikah, gue baru mendapat conviction to write my past in my blog. Saat itu blog gue udah lumayan banyak pengikut karena gue tulis cerita pertemuan gue dan suami, gimana Tuhan membimbing gue etc, tapi gue ga pernah blak2an tulis tentang masa lalu. Setelah gue tulis (yg berjudul how I met Him and Darah Perawan), ga sedikit orang2 yang gue ga kenal message buat curhat. Ga hanya cewe, cowo pun juga. Dengan bermacam2 versi masa lalu dan juga pergumulan mereka.

Ga sedikit cewe2 yang kontak gue and cerita kalo mereka sudah terjebak dalam seks bebas, termasuk di dalam kalangan gereja mereka sendiri. Gue asli gregetan, bukan gregetan sama cewe2 ini. Tapi sama iblis. I hate him with passion. Berani2nya dia utak-atik anak2 Tuhan, berani2nya dia menodai gereja Tuhan. But well, it is because our nature of sin that makes us fall into temptation. Dan iblis tau banget soal itu, dan dia gunain itu sebagai senjatanya. Itulah knapa gue buka terang2an masa lalu gue, his lies, his wicked plan and also His restoration. Misi gue adalah untuk membongkar kebohongan-kebohongan iblis buat mereka yang sudah jatuh dalam dosa seks dan memberitakan KEBENARAN!

The truth is:
We are free, we are redeemed, we are dead from our sins and rise again as Christ has risen. No power can stand against Him. The devil can only lie. Be angry at the devil!

Selain itu, sekitar 5-6 taon yang lalu gue juga pernah mimpi yang jelas banget. Dan gue percaya mimpi ini dari Tuhan, karena benar2 berbicara sama gue.

Di mimpi itu, gue berada di luar suatu ruangan yg besar, dan ada jendelanya jadi gue bisa liat apa yang terjadi didalam. Gue liat banyak sekali cewe2 didalam ruangan itu. Dan di langit2 ruangan itu ada banyak pipa2. Dan yg keluar deras dari pipa2 itu adalah acid. Dan cewe2 yg dibawah semua tersiram acid dari pipa2 itu dan semuanya pada teriak-teriak kesakitan. Pokoknya pemandangan yg mengerikan, cewe2 ini di torture, kulitnya terbakar oleh acid sampe mengelupas. Dan ruangan ini penuh dengan teriakan2 kesakitan. Terus gue liat diluar ruangan itu ada orang pakai baju item yang berdiri di dekat keran yang switch the acid on and off. He saw me, when I met his eyes, I was so scared that I ran out of the room. Gue terus lari, dan tiba2 gue liat didepan gue ada dua jalan keluar.

Satu adalah jalan yang luas, besar dan kosong ga ada2 nya. Persis disebelah jalan besar itu ada koridor sempit yang langit2nya ada pipa2 yang ngucurin acid, sama persis ama yg diruangan sebelumnya. Tapi di sejajaran pancoran acid itu ada ember2 yang berisi air. Nah lucunya, didalam mimpi itu, gue ga ambil jalan besar itu. Jalan yg plong dan keliatan aman. Tapi gue malah milih lewat koridor yang penuh acid.

Dan tiba2 ada seorang cewe didepan gue and dia tunjukin ke gue gimana ngelewatin koridor itu. Dia ambil tuh ember isi air dan ditumpahin airnya ke badan dia, lalu dia lewatin cucuran acid. Jadi setiap kali dia melewati cucuran acid, dia siram badannya dengan air di ember itu. Dan dia ajarin gue untuk ngelakuin yang sama. Cucuran acid itu sama sekali ga nyakitin kita because of the water that covers our skin.

Terus gue bangun, dan mimpi itu jelassss banget dipikiran gue sampe gue nanya Tuhan apa artinya. Dan Tuhan bukain…

Ruangan dimana cewe2 itu berada, itu seperti keadaan didunia sekarang. Di dalam alam roh, iblis menyiksa para wanita, bikin cewe2 ini kesakitan di dalam roh mereka. Mereka menderita, mereka berteriak kesakitan, mereka berdosa, dan mereka ga bisa dan ga mampu keluar dari dosa2 seksual mereka. Laki2 yang pake baju item diluar ruangan itu menggambarkan iblis  dan dia yang punya kuasa untuk menyakiti para wanita tadi ,membuat mereka menjadi budaknya, membuat mereka ga berdaya.

Nah abis gitu ada dua jalan kan. Jalan besar dan jalan kecil. Ternyata ini adalah tentang panggilan gue. Knapa gue ga milih jalan yg besar dan keliatan aman itu? Ternyata jalan itu menggambarkan, kalo gue ambil jalan itu, emang aman tentram rasanya, tapi somehow, ada kekosongan di sana, karena jalan itu gedeeee banget but it just feels so dead, ga ada apa2. Kalo gue ambil jalan itu, jalan idup gue akan begitu2 saja. Kosong.

Nah kalo jalan yang satunya, kecil dan penuh acid. God was telling me something through this little corridor. Waktu gue ambil jalan penuh ancaman ini, membongkar rahasia iblis dll. Emang ga bakalan gampang, but Tuhan udah kasih tau caranya untuk melewati bahaya. Ingat ember air yang ada disepanjang cucuran acid? Itu Tuhan bilang as my protection. Gue ga perlu takut, karena ada ember2 air yang akan covers my skin. Air itu melambangkan Roh Kudus. I just need to be soaked in the Holy Spirit, and He will cover me from all evil.

Isn’t that awesome??? God is GREAT!! Seperti di firman Tuhan bilang,

Matthew 7:13
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.”

Jalannya Tuhan adalah jalan yang sempit, yang ga semua orang mau laluin.

So yah, mimpi itu jadi salah satu yang mendorong gue untuk terus maju ‘wearing my scar’.

Seperti yg gue udah cerita, ada orang2 yang butuh mendengar kesaksian gue, tapi juga ada orang2 yang mempunyai pandangan lain. Ada juga yg merespon dengan shock, kayak ga percaya, ada yg ga berani mendekati gue sehabis gue kesaksian di depan umum atau di suatu event, ada juga ibu-ibu yang memandang gue dengan pandangan matanya seperti bilang ga sepatutnya gue ada disana.

Kejadian yg paling recent terjadi seminggu lalu.

Beberapa bulan lalu, gue ada nulis blog soal tes keperawanan, dimana gue bikin surat terbuka buat pemimpin2 yang mau ngadain tes keperawanan. Disana gue tulis sisi dari mereka yang sudah hilang keperawanannya, termasuk gue. Gimana tes itu akan membawa pengaruh buruk dll. Ga disangka, tulisan gue itu membludak, di share ama banyak orang. Dari situ juga banyak cewe2 yang gue ga kenal, menghubungi gue, curhat ttg macem2.

Ada juga beberapa komen yang masuk, dan bahasanya tidak mengenakan. Ada yang malah menuduh gue seperti iblis, ada yang komen gue cewe murahan, ada yang bilang salah sendiri gue bego dulunya mau kehilangan keperawanan etc. Banyak deh macem2 komen. Tapi gue selalu inget perkataan pastor gue dulu. Waktu gue baru mulai sering kesaksian di seminar, pastor ini bilang ke gue, “akan selalu ada dua group of people when they heard of your testimony. Satu group adalah the broken, the people who need you. Group satunya lagi adalah mereka yg akan menghakimi.”

Yah so I’m aware, selama gue ngejalanin panggilan gue ini, akan selalu ada dua group of people. And I don’t care about the second group of people. Peduli amat mereka mao menghakimi gue gimana. My past is behind me. And I stand for my testimony. I’m the living proof that God heals and restores.

Yes, I was wounded badly before in my past. But I’ve decided to wear my scar and let other people see because I see the hopelessness of those yang sudah kehilangan keperawanan. Or yang lagi bergumul ttg seks. Some of these women ga bisa melihat kalo ada masa depan bagi mereka. Mereka kecewa sama diri sendiri, orang lain, rendah diri, malu dll dan yang terburuk adalah mereka ga bisa keluar dari lingkaran seks bebas. Mereka tahu itu bukan kehendak Tuhan, tapi mereka ga punya kekuatan untuk keluar karena setan terus membohongi mereka.
Again, I’m the evidence that God is real. I’m the proof (among so many out there) that God gives a future for His children.

I’m the proof that in spite of my sins, God forgave and entrusted me with a godly husband and son. And now together as a family, we are serving Him.

I see girls who are restored from their sexual sins, and now they are serving the Lord. Not easy for them, some of them still struggle but God is faithful. Salah satu dari mereka yang gue mentoring jarak jauh, (gue kenal dia tiga taun lalu saat dia baca blog gue dan dia komen) akhirnya mengalami pemulihan, dan dia akan menikah dengan anak Tuhan beberapa bulan lagi.

Another girl was beyond depressed, she was actually possesed, tried to kill herself a couple of times, sometimes she laughed by herself without reason, then the next second she cried and wailed. When I met her, she couldn’t focus. She kept twisting the Word of God that we asked her to read. So, kita adain doa pelepasan. And after few hours of consultation, she finally decided she wanted to get baptised and now, she is in the process of healing.

Those are what makes me joyful. To see how God’s children are healed, restored, begin their new life again with God. To show them hope in God is never in vain. The cost of wearing my scars is NOTHING compared to the joy I get, knowing people are released and bondage are broken, and the lying devil is defeated!

Yes, the wound healed, it didn’t hurt me anymore. But of course, the scars are still there. But I wear my scars proudly because when people see my scars, they will know Jesus is my healer and my redeemer.

 Do not be ashamed of your battle scars because that is the proof that God is great and devil is a liar.

You might ask, what enables me to do all these?

Because God have spoken.

When God speaks, there is power to do the impossible crazy things.

Don’t give up. Your Promise Land is nearer than you think. Your attitude will determine how fast you will get out from your desert and reach that Promise Land.



I am stupid. Loe stupid ga?

Judul yg controversial hehehe.

I just realized that we are just stupid human. Knapa gue bisa berpendapat demikian? I think after reading this blog, u will feel that u are stupid too. AHEUhAUEAUEH *nuduh aje*

Begini asal mulanya,

Abt a few weeks ago, gue and G dapet news yg lumayan devastating for us. Tiba2 bgt and it shaken us a bit sih. Gue belon bisa cerita apa itu karena masih belon saatnya. Tapi ntar pasti ditulis dengan lengkap kalo sudah pas waktunya buat diceritain.

Nah, sebetulnya gue yg lebih shaken daripada G. We spent that night dalam kesedihan. And gue sebenernya nangis dikit, ya begitulah gue. Kalo ada sesak dihati, pasti nangis dulu, then abis gitu gue bisa lega sih karena dapet suara Tuhan pas didapetin waktu nangis2 itu wkwkkwkw.

Nah Tuhan bilang about OVERCOMING. At that moment. when we receive that devastating news, our emotion langsung reaksi. Sedih, bingung dan lain sebagainya. It’s human nature. But then Tuhan bilang to OVERCOME. Which is sebenernya our spirit harus bangkit and overcome our emotion. Karena udah jelas2 apapun yg terjadi, Tuhan tau dan Tuhan is with us. And He will help us. Our spirit harus acknowledge that. Cuma manusia tuh ya, sukanya malah nurutin emosi. Lebih suka ngelus2 rasa kasian ke diri sendiri. Rasanya lebih enak buat ngerasa terpuruk, ngerasa self-pity dll, and tanpa sadar ngerasa lebih nyaman berada dalam emosi begituan.  Jadi yah itu lah knapa Tuhan bilang ke gue to overcome.

Trus Tuhan ingetin mukjizat2Nya yg dilakuin buat kita sekeluarga last year regarding the same issue. Itu mukjizat yg ga maen2 man. Banyak orang yg gue ceritain what happened pada amazed ama kerjaan Tuhan saat itu buat kita. And He reminds me ttg mukjizat2 saat itu and He said, “saksikan mukjizatKu selanjutnya, and it will be greater” … and ternyata G juga dapet kata2 yg sama saat dia bergalau2 ria dengan Tuhan wkwkkw. Gue juga dapet impresi that He wants me to write it in this blog, sbagai kesaksian betapa luar biasanya Tuhan dan pekerjaanNya. Tapi itu nanti diceritakan secara lengkap saat mukjizatNya sudah tergenapi wkwkkwkw. Sekarang sih belon terjadi apa2, but we have received His Word hehe.

Trus kmaren gue lagi baca Exodus, ttg orang2 Israel yg selamet kuar dari Egypt. Ada bagian dimana orang2 Israel ini menggerutu, emang mereka selamat dari slavery Egypt, tapi abis gitu malah masuk padang gurun and ga ada makanan dan minuman sama skali. Mending juga balik ke Egypt gitu loh. Trus ada kalimat mereka yg cukup menampar gue, yaitu, “Is the LORD gonna take care of us or not?”

Alamak. Can u imagine? Mereka udah jelas2 ngeliat mukjizat Tuhan membelah the Red Sea for them to cross, then ngeliat pilar api and pilar awan jagain mereka slama di padang gurun, disediain makanan dengan secara ajaib sama Tuhan but yet saat mereka ngadepin the next challenge, mereka masih meragukan Tuhan kalo dia bakal take care of them or not? Lah slama ini apa Tuhan ga take care mereka gitu loh.

Orang jawa bilang ‘ndablek’ alias bandel.

Perkataan mereka, “Is the LORD gonna take care of us or not?” menampar gue dengan indah karena… Yes, slama ini Tuhan udah take care of us wonderfully. Dikasih liat mukjizatnya berkali2. Dan gue ga mao jadi kayak orang Israel, kok ndablek sih masih berani2nya ‘nantang’ Tuhan dengan nanya pertanyaan tadi wkwkwk.

So perkataan tadi seperti menjadi peneguhan buat gue kalo Tuhan pasti donk take care of us. Gue suka deh kalo ditampar Tuhan kayak gitu.

Setiap kali baca tulisan “Is the LORD gonna take care of us or not?”, pasti gue senyum2 and sambil nunjuk ke Tuhan, gue bilang.. “Gue suka gaya loe..”, in this case.. “Saya suka gayaMu” wkwkwk. Ya itu yg gue maksud dengan tamparan indah Tuhan. Ditabok tapi rasanya menyenangkan. Hanya Tuhan yg bisa berbuat seperti itu wkwkkwkw. I actually slept with a smile after tamparan tadi. How amazing our God is, mana ada orang ditampar malah seneng kwkwkwk.

Makanya itu gue dapet kalo sebenernya we are all stupid human. Kayak orang2 Israel itu. Udah berapa kali kita ngalamin kebaikan Tuhan sih? Even we are breathing ini aja adalah anugrah Tuhan. Kita ga sampe harus pake mesin yg harganya selangit buat bisa napas. We already seen so many of His miracles for us. But sometimes, we are as human, masih aja kuatir sana sini, ragu2 sama Tuhan, apa Tuhan bakal kasih yg terbaik ya buat gue etc etc.

Setiap kali baca Exodus, gue never stop being amazed Tuhan itu suabbaaarrr bgt yaaaa sama kita. Itulah namanya grace.

Yes, we are stupid human with extraordinary graceful God.

Then sebenernya Tuhan ada bukain kita beberapa pintu. And salah satunya adalah something yg gede banget. Something that my hubby have been praying for a longggggg time. Even longer than I have lived.. *lebay*(padahal gue lebih tua dari dia wkwk). Yah this something is one of his dreams. One of the biggest dreams. Which for me is quite scary, because it’s something yg risky and luar biasa kalo bener2 terjadi.

Nah gue sebenernya takut berharap. Takut kalo gue berharap itu terjadi eh tiba2 gak terjadi gimana. Ya mendingan ga usah berharap gitu kayaknya wkwkwk. But then Tuhan juga deal with me about that. Sebenernya rasa takut untuk berharap itu masih ada tapi gue ga mau berpegang sama itu. Gue mau pegang Tuhan Yesus aja, lebih gagah soalnya hehe.

Trus gue juga diingetin apa yg gue dapetin waktu ikut Conference Wanita Bijak beberapa bulan yang lalu. Kan diacara itu, tiap peserta dikasih devotional beda2. Punya gue adalah Perjalanan Iman Istri Nuh. Dan emang cocok buat gue. The reason why gue pingin ikutan Wanita Bijak is becoz I wanna learn how to be the best helper/helpmeet for my hubby. How to support his vision and calling. Nah pas banget waktu gue dapet Istri Nuh. Disitu ditulis, “bagaimana caranya saya dapat membantu dia menggenapi rencana Allah?”

Gue cerita sama salah satu pembimbing Wanita Bijak. Dan dia komentar, “jadi itu ttg gimana Istri Nuh mendukung visi suaminya yg bisa dibilang gila ya”, langsung kata2 ‘gila’ itu bikin gue ngeh wkkwkwkw.

Maksudnya, gue dapet revelation saat denger kata ‘gila’. How many times I thought my hubby’s vision or dream is abit crazy HAEUhaUEhaE. Sometimes dia dapet sesuatu yg bagi gue itu like… “apa sih” or “huh?”, sometimes bener2 out of the blue, or out of the world or out of the human mind. Pokoknya out there lahhh! wkwkkw And sometimes gue brush it off, saying “apaan sih..” hehehe. But bener juga ya si Istri Nuh, no matter how crazy her husband’s vision is, dia dukung 100%. So saya belajar untuk jadi seperti itu.

So that’s why saat Tuhan sepertinya bukain pintu untuk salah satu dream G yg gila itu, gue mau kayak istri Nuh, yg mendukung and ga takut untuk berharap hehe. Because we have nothing left except to hope. And hope in God never fail.

Ada beberapa kata2 yg I came across which worth to be posted here to share ke pembaca juga. These words have blessed me a lot..

– Decide that you want it more than u are afraid of it 

– It is true that God helps those who help themselves, but He also helps those who are helpless. So no matter what your circumstance, you can depend on Him EVERY TIME.

– Faith does not panic, but realizes that what looks like devastating circumstances may be God’s plan to bring glory to Himself by demonstrating His power. (Pas bgt buat gue. Coz ini yg Tuhan has been saying to me again and again. All the devastating circumstances yg anak2 Tuhan alamin, is to bring Glory to Him by showing us His faithfulness, His miracle. His supernatural miracle yg membuat orang laen can’t say anything else except acknowledge that yesss itu hanya Tuhan yg bisa kerjain!! And how many times that happened to us! 😀 )

-Faith is not about surviving, it’s about OVERCOMING

-If you are too busy to pray, then you have even more reason to stop what you are doing and give yourself over to prayer (ALWAYS GO BACK TO PRAYER, PEOPLE!!! hehehehe. How this is easily forgotten… prayerless life is our declaration of independence from God)

So yah, this post is like a cornerstone/reminder of my faith in Jesus and God the Father (sounds like Godfather wkwkwk). I hope this post blesses u too.

‘Behind the scene’ of Ps. Kong Hee incident

Kmaren I had an interesting conversations with my colleagues di kantor ttg kejadian Kong Hee. Sebut aja colleague gue ini namanya YS and M. M cewe, YS cowo.

Sebenernya YS ini orangnya rada2 nyebelin HAUEhAUEHaE, dia baru di promote jadi manager gue and suka nyuruh2. And dia suka kasih gue kerjaan yang dia ga pingin kerjain, salah satunya adalah bikin model yg lumayan susah dan sebenernya lebih cocok dikerjain ama cowo. Karena kotor dll, pake pasir, tanah dan laen sbagainya lah. And he can be very rude lah ngomongnya kalo dia lagi upset. Overall, not a really nice guy.

Anyways, tiba2 kmaren my big boss nanyain gue, “so what do u think of the City Harvest accident?”, gue jawab lah gue sedih etc etc. Anyway, satu kantor tau kalo gue ini Christian. My boss juga kristen tapi ga bener2 devoted gitu deh. So I’m the only Christian here.

After my boss gone, si YS and M yg satu ruangan sama gue, langsung ngajak gue ngobrol soal Ps. Kong Hee. Which is for me very interesting, karena gue pingin tau pendapat mereka as unbelievers…

Here is the conversations, seinget gue… (anyway stylenya abit Singlish ya, hahahahah)

YS: Can I ask u something?  Do u think he did it?

Me: I have no idea. I actually had respect for him, he was a respectable man. But maybe along the way he fell into temptation? Who knows… we are human, and he is human. If there is 23 million dollars in front of our eyes, we might do the same, u know. But anyway, he’s not proven guilty yet…

YS:  But what I dun understand, he still have followers! People support him! I mean the government got proof already thats why he was arrested, surely he is guilty! How come still got people support him!

Me: Well, he is just being alleged. Not guilty yet as far as I know.. And people have faith in Ps. Kong Hee.

YS: But, let me ask you, if u are from their church, why don’t u change church?

Me: No lah. I won’t change church. Like my church now, I would never change church. It’s like family, we are very close. We spend time together, pray together etc etc…

YS: Ohhhh now I know why he has followers! *he said it with a smirk*

Me: Well, not really followers like they follow him blindly… they know that eventhough if Ps. Kong is found guilty, I believe they still will forgive him and accept him…

YS: but how do u forgive?

Me: Christianity is about forgiveness. We all sin, we are human. It’s like a relationship between a father and son. If your son sins or do something bad, u don’t throw him away right? He will receive punishment of coz, but since he is your son, you will still forgive him and accept him. And if Ps. Kong really guilty, he will get punishment of coz.

YS: Oh, so he will get punished?

Me: Yes of coz! Yes, we forgive, God forgives, but that doesn’t mean it just stops there. Every sin has consequences. If Ps. Kong did it, he will definitely get the punishment, he will have to pay the price. The price of that sin.  God is a just judge too, He won’t let u get away with sin, you will have to pay the price..

Then tiba2 my other colleague, si M, asked…

M: I ask u something, I heard we must give 10% of our salary. Is it compulsory?

Me: It’s not compulsory like u are forced to do it. It’s our willingness to give because it is said in the Bible that we have to. And also it’s about faith in God. God wanna see u trust more in money or in Him. If He asks u to give Him your money, will u give it away or u cling to it?

M: But how about if like us, we got kids then we dont have much money, can we give like whatever we want to give? no need 10%?

Me: Actually God wanna see your faith. U see, I have been faithfully tithing since I became Christian. As you guys know that I dont have a lot of money, sometimes financial very tight, but I always tithe. Eventhough my money only a bitttt left. But u see, soooooo many miracles happen! There was one time I asked God how we r going to buy milk for my boy… and all of a sudden out of nowhere, my friend called me and he worked at the company which produces the milk that my boy drinks, and he gave me 40-50 tins of milk because he needed to clear stocks! Can u imagine that?!?! Out of nowhere! And things like this happens a lot of times, people bless us with things when we are in need. So, actually God wanna see your faith, whether u trust Him to take care of u or u trust more in your money. It’s all about faith.

M: wah really ah?? milk?? 

YS: 50 tins?

Me: Yeah! You know milk is very expensive right!!

M: Like that also can ah?

All along tampangnya YS agak kayak ngeremehin gitu, but when I shared about the milk, tampangnya berubah, kayak menyimak.. wkwkkwkw. Belon tau aja dia, gue belon cerita kalo people sometimes give us cheques out of the blue. Ada yg tiba2 manggil gue and said that he dreamed kalo dia write a cheque for us. And he believes God spoke to him. And he gave us a cheque.. and it happens a number of times, orang kasih kita cheque.. wkwkwk. Kalo si YS tau gitu, pasti dia lebih bengong lagi… hehehehe How amazing our God is… 😀

YS: If Kong Hee is found guilty, he will be in jail for 20 years. If he comes out, u think he can come back as a pastor?

Me: Well, maybe… but I guess, it will be hard to trust him again. It takes time to build trust again. So yah we’ll see how, we still dunno if he’s guilty or not right? But anyway, we will always forgive him. Human can make mistake. The more we have fame, money, we can make the same mistake.

So yah kira begitu conversationnya. Very interesting getting point of view from unbelievers.

But anyways, I can see how God works thru all this. You see, jarang2 orang jadi interested in Christianity, apalagi orang2 kantor. Coba kalo kita berusaha menginjili apa gimana, pasti mereka biasanya ignorant/ga mau tau kan. But with this incident, Christianity jadi disorot. And lots of people jadi talk about it! This is a very good time to share our Christian faith! A good time for us to straighten up all those misinterpretation of Christian values among the unbelievers!

Wah pas gue ditanya2in gitu ama si M and YS, gue excited bgt. Kapan lagi man!!! hAUEhauEhaE. Jarang2 hati mereka terbuka buat dengerin ginian.

U see, what Satan meant to harm men,.. in this case, Ps. Kong Hee incident… Satan meant to use this to make other people judge Christians/Church/Christianity.. making them less honourable… but God ALWAYS turn everything around and use it for His Glory!

So no need to worry that people will turn away from Jesus/Christianity after this incident, I believe God allows this to happen for His divine purpose. Ga peduli Ps kong Hee bersalah apa ga, Tuhan allows this to happen to him and City Harvest for His divine purpose! To advance His Kingdom. That is His primary agenda all along! And we as Christians have a role to play. That is to share the biblical truth. We need to equip ourselves well with the Word so we know how to answer their questions with the biblical truth! And I believe many people will get to know more about the true Christianity teaching… hehe.

Be fed with the Word of God so u know how to answer in a way that they understand. 🙂 My advice is don’t be too spiritual in the way u answer, as they will not understand. Spiritnya ga nangkep gitu. Karena yah emang Spiritnya belon direvive ama Jesus, ya ga nyambung AEHuAEHuAE.

ROCK ON!!! this is a great great opportunity!!! 😀 😀

How I know he is the one from God (Part 7)

To read previous chapters, click:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6 


Jadi apa sih yg membuat G seperti mati2an ga mao ama gue?

Karena dia harus menghadapi beberapa tantangan kalo jadi sama gue. Di saat mula2 dimana G mulai doain gue, ada seorang hamba Tuhan yg cukup ‘berpengaruh’, yang hampirin G. And dia bilang gini, “kamu sama Nelly ga cocok. Karena background kamu. Dia kerja, sedangkan kamu pelayanan. Jadi kamu mendingan ga usah doain Nelly.”

Alias begini…. si G itu latar belakangnya beda sama gue. Dia berasal dari keluarga yg kurang mampu. Dan this person compared it with my family’s background yang mampu nyekolahin gue dari kecil sampe gede di luar negeri, and gue udah punya status penduduk di Singapore, kerja dll. Jadi menurut dia, si G ga cocok ama gue.

This person’s wife actually pernah ngomong ke gue, meskipun secara ga langsung but gue ngerti artinya itu something like, ‘gue mendingan ama someone yg punya background kayak gue. Uda mapan, kerja dll’. Dan dia somehow a bit sedih ngeliat gue doain G sampe bertaon2 ga ada titik cerah, she told me that dia ga mao gue wasting my time, mending cari yg lain gitu. Dia pernah bilang, “saya takut, kalo kamu terus doain G sampe selama ini, dan ternyata ada yg lebih baik buat kamu, dan gara2 kamu doain G terus, dia lewat gitu aja…” And gue jawabnya,.. “yah wo pu ce tau, soalnya Tuhan yang suruh aku doain G terus” wkkwkwkwk…

Yah salah satu alasan kuat knapa G ga mao sama gue karena itu. Dan banyak beredar gosip kalo G mao sama gue karena gue ‘kaya’, mo kejar status penduduk Singapore kalo jadi sama gue dll. And apalagi G pernah ada kepaitan sama orang kaya. Maka itu pas waktu dia ditarik ke Singapore untuk sekolah, dia tuh sebenarnya berontak abis2an AHEUhAEUhaE, karena dia males ministry ke orang2 kaya yg katanya ga merluin Tuhan karena dah terlalu comfortable. Tapi G udah bertobat kok soal ini hehehe. Malah skarang dia punya beban buat doain orang-orang kaya supaya mereka ga ngandalin their wealth and ada spiritual breakthrough 🙂

And karena ada beberapa yg ngomong ke G soal ketidak cocokkan gue dengan dia karena status, si G lari dari mendoakan gue dengan mendoakan cewe2 lain, yang status dan latar belakangnya ga gitu beda ama G. Dan pernah dia pacaran sama salah satu pelayan Tuhan, udah lumayan serius, kira2 selama beberapa bulan. Bukan si L, .. ada lagi cewe lain sebelon L… hehehehe. But again, Tuhan bersuara… Pas mereka lagi manis2nya mulai pacaran, tiba2 ibu gembala G yang diBandung ,yang udah lama ga kontak,  sms si G yang di Malaysia and cuma bilang “cewe yg sama kamu skarang, bukan dari Tuhan” … wkkwkwk apa ga kaget si G dapet sms gituan, tiba2 lagi out of the blue banget! Tanpa basa-basi pula.

Dan si ibu gembala itu ga tau kabar G sama sekali. Gara2 itu, hubungan G dengan cewe yg itu ga berlanjut. And then about 2 years later, dia jalanin hubungan ama si L. G ngelakuin ini smua karena dia mao lari dari doain gue and lagian dia suka ama si cewe2 yg gue mentioned tadi. Jadi at the end dia pacaran sama si L. Dan again, Tuhan berbicara that she’s not from Him.

Yah intinya ada beberapa yang tidak setuju G sama gue karena beda status dan karena gosip2 ga jelas. Even waktu kita udah mao menikah, that person yg ga stuju tadi, and his wife samperin gue in person dan bilang, something like… “kamu bener mau menikah sama G? Nanti kamu hidupnya akan susah, dia nanti tidak bisa membiayai kamu. Kamu harus kerja. G itu bla bla bla” Yah semua gosip2 keluar deh. Yg amazingnya, gue tau banget all that gosip2 and I was involved in them. I mean gue liat sendiri with my own eyes saat gue di Johor pelayanan. Which is amazing karena ternyata Tuhan suruh gue pelayanan ke Johor bantuin IFGF sana, salah satunya for that purpose. So I actually know what had happened. Ga cuma tau gara2 omongan orang.

So when mereka talked to me about it, accusing G for stuff, gue looked at their eyes and said firmly, “oh aku tau soal itu, aku denger sendiri dari orang2 yg bersangkutan. And ada beberapa yang salah”. Gue malah tergerak doain mereka berdua on the spot HAEUhAUEhAUHEAE. Gue doain aja supaya mereka bisa denger suara Tuhan about me and G bukan dari gosip2 orang lain hihihi. Ya I know lah mereka concerned for me, and until now gue masih ngerasa mereka gimanaaaa gitu sama si G. 😛

So intinya, G ga mao ama gue karena tuduhan2 itu. Tuduhan G mao ama gue karena ‘duit’ and ‘status’ gue. Apalagi ada hamba Tuhan yg berpengaruh itu ngomong seperti itu sama dia, melarang dia untuk doain gue karena status kita berbeda. Ya gue maklum knapa mereka concerned about that, karena pengalaman mereka yg dulu2. But ya gue ga setuju. Karena di depan Tuhan kan ga ada namanya status. Smua equal. Mao gue dari background Roma Irama merit sama background Ratu England, lah ya di depan Tuhan ga ada begitu2an.

Nah itu dia, sodara-sodari. Ga semua perkataan dari hamba Tuhan itu pasti dari Tuhan. Coba kalo gue percaya atau mulai mempertimbangkan omongan mereka. Pasti gue doubt lagi donk. Pasti gue terombang-ambing lagi…

“bener ga ya G dari Tuhan? Bener juga ya yg mereka bilang, ntar idup gue susah, ntar ga bisa beli ini beli itu. Gimana kalo gue mo begini-begono, tapi ternyata kita ga mampu? Gimana kalo gue pingin beli Porsche gitu, ternyata G ga bisa beliin gue? Ah gue meranaaaa donk kalo gitu nanti merit ama dia. Bener ga sih Tuhan, dia buat gue????”

Wakkakaak. Makanya Tuhan proses gue selama 3 taon, sampe akhirnya gue tahu dan yakin 100% that G dari Tuhan. That unshakeable faith. Kita semua perlu itu saat mo menikah with your future husband or wife.  Karena kalo ga, akan gampang sekali our relationship digoncangkan. Ada temen gue yg udah mo merit, padahal dua2nya udah sama2 melayani. Pas udah mo merit, malah bingung, and pernah nanya, “bener ga ya dia dari Tuhan?” gara2 ngeliat the challenges ahead being merit with the other person. Karakternya yg keras dll. Susah kan kalo udah begitu?

Intinya, semua perkataan hamba Tuhan kalo harus di test dulu. Lihat dulu apakah Tuhan emang berbicara lewat dia or it’s just human wisdom. Yg diomongin ama hamba Tuhan tadi ke gue, I know banget it’s human wisdom.

Kmaren waktu gue sharing ini, ada yg nanya, “ci, pernah ga ci2 kepikir itu? Idup cici bakal susah kalo merit ama ko G?”

Iya donk. In fact, kita juga ngelaluin itu in our marriage. Seperti yg gue udah tulis di blog kmaren2. Yes we had our share of financial difficulty. But then, we see how God carries us through. Miracle after miracle. Meskipun idup susah, but then to see how God works in our life itu wah luar biasa bangettttt. Worth every pain, pembentukan dan lain sebagainya!!! And meskipun His help doesn’t come, we still worship Him like how we usually do! He’s still the same Father with same love and care to us.  Facing those financial challenges malah lebih bikin kita percaya ama kedaulatan-Nya in our life. That experience ga bisa dituker ama apa pun juga, man! Kita jadi lebih blajar banyak ttg ourselves and about Him. Once the lesson of the challenge of faith is learned, saat kita hadapin this kind of challenge again, dah pasti donk kita look back and see how God is GOD. Dependable and trustworthy. So ga perlu struggle lagi deh kita in financial issues gitu, maksudnya ga perlu panik or stress. Tuhan bisa carried us through that time, dah pasti bisa carry us through lagi next time.

Selain itu, emang pasti ada challenges in the marriage. Lots of adjustments. Can’t deny gue sama G adjustmentsnya banyaaakkkk bgt. Apalagi tiba2 kita langsung dikasih Aiden EHUAHEuAHEae. Baru merit langsung hamil coba. Baru jadi istri dah jadi mommy heheheheh. But still, throughout these adjustments kita grow as husband and wife. And as daddy and mommy. Living together is not easy for two person with different background and character, but the thing that hold us together all the time is God’s sovereign will for us to be together. Itu yg kita ga bisa pungkirin. So mao bete kek, mao saling kesel kek, or apaan kek. At the end, we always come back honouring HIS sovereign will.

Kalo ga ada itu, kita pasti capeeee bgt with each other. Can’t deny that G pernah disappointed ama gue as a wife, and gue pernah cape bgt ngurusin yg namanya masalah husband and wife. Rasanya enak aja kayak single dulu. But then, we know it’s just emotion. We know that God has paired us together as one. And we dont believe in happily ever after sih sebenernya. Marriage takes a lot of work, adjustments, pengikisan, perseverance. And among all that, we still stick together, through thick and thin, through gesekan dan penyesuaian. Dan beneran, yg bener2 make us work on this marriage is His Will. Itu yg bikin our marriage strong. I dunno how other marriages out there yg tanpa Tuhan, bisa survive. No wonder banyak cerai dan banyak perzinahan.

Btw G dan gue kalo marahan ga pernah lama kok. Gue mo bete pun ga bisa lama2 hAUEhuAEHAE. I dont like conflict soalnya :P. Paling bete cuma tahan 2 jam kali heheheheh. Itu pun cuma diem and mancung mencucu bibir gue satu senti ke depan coz I avoid saying things that I will regret. Pantang ngomong banyak kalo lagi bete or kesel HAEUAHEUAHEaE. Dan kalo gue marah, gue diem and keluar kamar. And pergi ke dapur bersih2.. or ke kamar mandi, buat nyikat2 HAUEhAUEHUAEAE. To calm down and think. Which is sangat mujarab bagi gue, coz most times abis bersih2, gue pasti calm down and realize that whatever we were arguing about is not worth the battle. And I have promised God saat kita ucapin wedding vow, that I will submit to my hubby no matter wat. And slowly rasa marah pasti jadi reda hehehe. Ntar gue bahas ya ttg submission to husband .. kapan-kapan…  😛

And yg jelas, marah gue menghasilkan suatu yg berguna, yaitu dapur jadi bersih. Tirulah itu, wahai sesama istri AHEUhAUEHAE.


Hihihihi titlenya aseeekkk… AHEUHAEUhAEAE So gimana setelah kita berdua official pacaran dengan berjabatan tangan?

Yah masih sama. Masih canggung wkkwkwkw. Jadi malah salting donk gue. Nyenggol dikit aja rasanya ga enak, sungkan. HAEUhAUEhAUHEae

So yah, gue nge-flow aja jalanin perjalanan ‘kisah kasih’ kita. And gue mulai pelan2 buka hati lebar-lebar (selebar alam semesta)  buat dia gitu hihihi.

And saat itu Tuhan bilang ke gue, emang si G ga ada perasaan apa2 sama gue saat itu. But Tuhan kasih tau gue kalo cintanya G ke gue itu akan seperti cinta Jesus to His jemaat. Yg sacrificial. I was like “Oh wow”. Ok Tuhan! HAUEhAUEHAE.

Then gue dapet impresi that saat si G dapet revelation untuk pursue Jesus lebih dalem lagi, disitulah cinta mulai tumbuh. So since gue dapet impresi itu dari Tuhan, gue santai2 aja. Sambil nunggu dia dapet revelation itu hehehe.

In the meantime, kita masih saling berhubungan. Lebih deket of coz, lebih sering sharing, kasih kabar dll.

Until kira2 about one or two months later, G cerita that tiba2 dia dapet kerinduan untuk pursue Jesus lebih lagi. And dia dapet his life message, yaitu ‘Revealing Christ’.

Life message itu adalah message dari idup loe. All of us ada life message. What you passionate about dll. Nah pas dia cerita that dia ada kerinduan itu, gue cuma bisa ngangguk2, jadi keinget impresi yang dikasih Tuhan ke gue. Kalo cinta itu akan tumbuh saat G pursue Jesus.

So gue manggut2 and said (dalem ati loh ya wkwkkw),..
“hmm bentar lagi nih, dia bakal merasakan getaran2 cinta untukku”

HAHAHAHAHA *judul lagu dangdut banget sih bahasanya*

Jadi gue tenang2 aja, karena Tuhan udah berbicara. Yakin and pasti kalau Tuhan yg akan take care of that matter for me. Gue tinggal tunggu aja tanggal maennya hehehe. 😛

Since anak2 udah kebanyakan tau kita ‘official’…. abis deh, kita sering dipasang2in. Dan I  think a few weeks later, pada satu acara gereja ‘Family Day’, kita dipasangin jadi couple yg harus pake costume.

Ini nih tampang kita berdua saat itu. Parah banget kan tampangnya si G ga jelas abisssssssssss!!!

HAHAHHAHA… Gue nya masih keren tapi tampangnya G masyaaa alaaahhhhhh kannnn ga jelassss AEHuAHEuAHEuhaE.  Ya begitulah. Itu poto berdua agak2 canggung loh rasanya wkwkwkkwk.

Cuma kita berdua doank yg pake kostum, supaya buat ngeramein acara. Agak aneh rasanya hehehe, but u know what, malam sebelum acara itu, si G ngobrol di telpon ama gue and ngaku that he started to have feeling for me!


HOORAY HOORAYYY! *percikan kembang api*

DUARRRR DUARRRRR *botol champange dibuka*

WhauEHuAEHuAHEa… ga sampe segitunya lah.
Reaksi gue cuma, “Oh…”


And dalem ati, said…
“nah lo, bener kan ternyata yg Tuhan bilang! Kena deh loe!!!”

hihihi. 😛

Dan gue cuma nyambung dengan coolnya gue…
“ya gue tau sih, karena Tuhan udah bilang, when u got the revelation kalo harus pursue Jesus lebih lagi, saat itu feeling loe akan tumbuh buat gue. So ya, waktu loe bilang that u had to pursue Him, gue tau ga lama lagi that will happen sih. Jadi gue ga kaget”

And gantian dia yg bilang, “Oh…”

HAHAHHAHA Ga ada romantisnya ya… wkkwkwkwk

Tapi beneran, gue bukannya sok cool sih. But emang gue nyantai bgt. Perasaan gue gak gimana gitu yg kayak berbunga2 ga karu2an gitu juga gak. 😛

Ada yang komen di blog kapan ari, something like, pasti gue makan ati saat2 si G ga ada perasaan apa2 sama gue saat jalanin awal relationship.  Hmm, dipikir2… ga ada tuh sama skali perasaan kayak gitu. Malah gue content, nyantai and enjoy aja. Coz karena setelah 3 taon perjuangan darah dan air mata *ceileh*, gue akhirnya menuai hehehehe. So gue nikmati my Promised Land hehehe. And so grateful and so amazed ama Tuhan, gue too overwhelmed by His acts untuk pusingin makan ati kwkwkwkw.

And waktu dah merit, bulan2 pertama, cinta G smakin besar sampe dia dengan heran nanya ke gue, “gue tergila2 sama loe, tapi loe kok kayaknya biasa2 sih?”

EHaUEHuAEHuAE. Yah gue jelasin, tergila2nya gue ama dia mah udah lama, skarang udah beda tingkat lovenya. Jadi love yg lebih mature and for him, and gantian seasonnya, dia yg gantian tergila2 hUAEHUAEHUAHEAE 😛

Jadi yah no worries lah kalo pasangan idup yg dari Tuhan, dah pasti Tuhan sendiri yg akan take care soal begituan hehehe.


How I know he is the one from God (Part 6)

To read previous chapters, click:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5 


Weits! Title chapternya mengerikan!! HAEUhauEhaE.

Beberapa hari after kita pulang dari retret, si G menghadap seorang hamba Tuhan yg udah ngedoain G since he first saw G kira2 taon 2006. Dan istrinya itu juga lg doain gue. Ya intinya Tuhan taruh beban dihati mereka untuk doain G and me. Padahal waktu itu gue ama G belon ada apa2 and mereka masih ga tau kalo Tuhan ternyata masangin kita berdua at the end. Nah istrinya ini bergerak di karunia nabi. But as time went by mereka slalu updated lah ttg kita dan masih terus doain kita berdua.

Soooo, si G akhirnya cerita ama mereka that….

Yup! There was another woman in the hood! wkwkwkwk. So intinya, si G menemukan cewe laen sebut aja si L. And mereka deket banget and saling mendoakan. AND SEMUANYA TANPA SEPENGETAHUAN GUE!!! HAHAHAHA

Istri hamba Tuhan tersebut, (panggil aja Tante H) kasih kabar itu ke gue, and gue termehek2 kaget donk!!!! Mana mungkin lah yao ga kaget! Gue kira kita masih pray bareng!

Nah yg lucunya, gue tuh kenal ama itu cewe. Dia baru dateng ke greja kita. Sebelon gue tau berita menggenaskan tadi, suatu hari gue pelayanan di kebaktian, tiba2 ada altar call and that cewe maju kedepan. And ga tau knapa, gue itu tergerak untuk doain dia. So gue maju loh. Somehow my heart said ‘ini cewe kayaknya ada something deh. Ga tau apa. But something attract me to this girl’.. so ya makanya gue maju doain dia. And pas gue doain, doa yg keluar adalah ‘Now is not the time, just wait and be patient.’ … MANA GUE TAU DIA TERNYATA LAGI DOAIN AND DEKET AMA G!!! HAHAHAHAHA… gue kira ya doanya ttg bukan saatnya si cewe ini tinggal di Spore karena dia kan mao cari jalan supaya bisa stay disini (setau gue)

Lah trus waktu Tante H kasih tau gue itu cewenya. WOW, langsung gue ngeh… ohhhhhh, brarti mantep juga nih Tuhan bilang ke gue harus doain itu cewe hehehe.

So intinya gini cerita G ke tante H and suaminya:

Si G mao sama si L, mereka udah saling mendoakan dan saling suka. And G suka ama si L karena dia tuh worship leader, jago nyanyi, jago masak, anak pendeta dan masih ada hal2 yg laen yg ntar aja gue jelasin karena seru hehe. And tante H tetep bilang kalo L bukan dari Tuhan buat G. But G bersikeras pilih L karena sebenernya dia itu mao lari dari doain gue and ga mao doain gue. And also menurut G, si L ini a very good candidate for him yg bisa mendukung his pelayanan. Lagian, kan si L and G sama2 sudah melayani di gereja, masa ga boleh together.  Karena tante H tetep bilang that L is not from God, si G akhirnya bilang, “ok deh, aku akan bawa si L ketemu tante dan om. You will see that I’m choosing the right one”

So, si tante ceritain semua itu ke gue. And she said, “kamu doa ya Nel, we will meet them tomorrow night…”


Sooooo, gimana dengan kondisi gue setelah gue tau smua itu?????


nyantaaaaiiiiiii wkwkwk.. asli loh… gue ga gusar lagi, sakit ati, etc etc. Bener2 kekuatan Tuhan ngalir luar biasa. Karena Tuhan udah kasih gue strong confirmation that G is for me. But ga tau, hati gue tenang banget. My spirit calm gitu deh.. ga blingsatan wkwkkwkw. And yg lucunya mereka ga kasih tau gue kalo mreka udah mendekati status pacaran, and si cewe itu tau kalo gue and G itu sebenernya lg berdoa bareng.

Now then I understand knapa si Pastor Rajan doain gue ‘do not be disturbed’ sampe 3 kali… wkwkwkw.. Trus tiba2 gue come across one article di blog temen. Article prophecy buat saat itu. Dari prophet Chuck Pierce.

Dia bilang gini summarynya:

‘ The Lord says: I will shadow you and bring u thru the confusion u’ve been in. Be ready for this is  the day that I will call you quickly and change ur circumstance quickly. Don’t go to sleep. Sanctify your hearts and be ready to defend the hope that is within u. The enemy has come and put u on the defensive. Do not back up and do not come into agreement with the enemy who has tried to squeeze hope out and cause your faith shield to fall. I will assign you in the night watch so by noonday the terror has passed you!’ 

And ternyata pas banget kata2nya. God is saying to me to defend the hope that is within me. And nightwatch yg dia bilang diatas itu ternyata gue disuruh bangun subuh2 buat doa. Beneran gue 3 hari berturut2 dibangunin Tuhan pas jam 4 pagi buat doa perang. HAHAHAHA. Gue ada tulis tuh di blog ttg peperangannya di sini… And the article yg prophecy itu gue juga taruh linknya di sono… 🙂 MESTI BACA BLOG GUE YG ITU YA!! karena sangat2 keren Tuhan disono hehehe. Karena itu doa peperangan antara my destiny, G’s and L’s… heheheheh

Trus the next day, gue dengerin kotbah Joel Oesteen. Ini adalah hari where Tante H, suaminya, G and L bertemu delapan mata. HARI YG SANGAT MENENTUKAN!!! wkwkwkkw

And gue dikuatin abis2an ama kotbah si Oesteen.

Ada kata2nya yg bilang begini:

Whenever things get difficult, the intensity has been turned up, that’s a sign that you are close to your victory. When those lies start bombarding your mind, u are tempted to get discouraged but it’s not the time to give up. That is the time to dig your heels in! Put on new attitude, you are close to your victory!! 

The reason the intensity has been turned up is becoz the enemy knows that your victory is coming close. When u keep doing what is right, keep hoping, keep believing, before long he will give that final push, you will see the situations turn around and u will see that promise come to pass. It’s like a woman giving birth. You are about to give birth to that PROMISE!!

And this is what I wrote in my diary:

Continue reading ‘How I know he is the one from God (Part 6)’

Yg namanya cowo tuh ya…(Part 2)

Ini kelanjutan dari tulisan gue beberapa hari lalu.

Gue ga nyangka that responds nya bakal sampe membludak begitu. My visitor numbers langsung doubled for a few days. Anak2 pada share etc.

But then, I feel the urge to nambahin that posting. I like this comment from someone anonymous.  Ga kenal sopo wkwkkwk, but he brought up a very valid point and I feel that this has to be highlighted in my blog to complement my previous posting…

That ‘Boy’ nulis begini:

In my opinion.. For this article to fully bear its fruit is if both sexes read it with humility..
For the guys, don’t try and show off how ‘godly’ u are just to impress.. But let ur godliness show itself thru the testing of ur character.. Also, set this standard against no one else but urself.. Its too easy for us to use this as an excuse to judge other men..

For the ladies, while i understand ur frustation in finding the godly men, i find that it is a dangerous thing to ask “where are the godly men?” if not accompanied by the continuous testing of ur own character.. Dont let pride be found in ur heart in Expecting others to be more ‘godly’ then urself..

Yep saya sangat2 setuju dengan komen bapak Boy. Article yg gue post kmaren ttg 5 pillars of manhood, for me, it should talk more about the readers.  Maksud gue gini,..

Saat para cowo baca itu, mereka jadi introspeksi ama diri mereka sendiri. Apakah mereka haus mengejar hal2 seperti itu?  Apa mereka trying to build themselves according to what God intended to be? Yg ga kompromi dengan hal2 yg ga kudus, yg jaga hati cewe baik2 bukan buat dicoba2 pacaran etc. Buat buka mata mereka sendiri.

And we can’t use this article to judge other man. Kita sebagai manusia gampang punya tendency seperti itu. Gue juga masih harus belajar, instead of judging, harus lebih ke guiding.  We can’t use these qualities in the article to condemn other men. My heart desire writing that posting is for young men and young women, to see the seeds that God has given to u. To see the capacity that God has given you. That you are actually meant to be a  man of honour, a man of faith, a man that reveal Jesus in yourself. And strive to be that.

For the woman, that very question “where are the godly men?” is indeed very dangerous kalo ga dibarengin dengan introspeksi diri sendiri. Apakah kamu juga strive to be a godly woman yg cantik di mata Tuhan? Apa sih wanita yg cantik dimata Tuhan?? Nanti ya topik selanjutnya buat di blog in HAEUhaUEhaUEHaE.

When u ask, “where are the godly men?” with frustration, definitely u also have to check inside your heart. Knapa loe kok frustrated ngomongnya? HAEUhaUEhauEH. Nah sometimes, u cant see the godly man that around u yg pas buat kamu, karena memang  Tuhan belon mencelikkan mata loe or loe sendiri belon siap hehehehe. Most of the times sih belon siap. 🙂

Yg gue percaya, saat Tuhan lihat the woman ready, Dia sendiri yg akan bawa that godly man to her. Liat aja kisah hidup para blogger/writer, Sarah&John (bukan nama asli), Grace and Tepen,  Lia and Mike, gue and G. Some of them dari Indo tapi eh kok bisa dapet suami orang bule, bulenya yg juauhhhh bgt lagi asalnya.

Lia orang Jakarte, Mike bule, orang suku Amish- mennonite, yg sampe skarang gue ga tau aslinya tinggal di negara mana, yg jelas tempat terpencil di Europe (or Amrik? .. ah ga tau ah gelap, nyari2 asalnya Mike ga dapet sih. Lia, u can correct donk for me.. eheheheh) (Ralat: Amish-mennonite itu bukan suku, but church denomination… ya gue sendiri ga bisa jelasin lebih jelas, pokoknya orang bule yg tinggal nan jauh disana gitu deh HAHAHAHA. Kalo mo cari tau lebih lengkap silakan visit blognya Lia ya HAEUhaUEhae)

Sarah orang Indo, suaminya bule orang Norwegian, dari sebuah pulau kecil yang most of us ga pernah denger nama ini pulau.

And gimana mereka bisa ketemu jodoh mereka padahal jaraknya jauhhhh gitu? And yet Tuhan pertemuin mereka?

Mike ketemu Lia saat dia melakukan misi…

Sarah ketemu John saat ngejar panggilannya di misi…

Gue ketemu G saat misi…

lah trus para cewe2 nanya…“apa gue harus misi buat ketemu my godly man?” .. wkwkwkwkwk Ga lah. But the point is saat kita chase our calling, that’s where Tuhan bakal pertemuin your own godly man and future husband.

Even si Grace and Tepen, I dunno if they are called for mission or not, but what I know they both lg chasing their calling saat mereka bertemu. Si Grace setia nulis buku buat Tuhan, gue inget pertama kali dia nulis buku judulnya ‘a puzzle of jomblo life’ ditaon 2005-2006 an. Gue baca tuh bukunya. Thennnn.. baru taon 2011 ini gue ternyata bisa kenal ama dia personally karena blognya Lia HAEUhaUEhhaE. And surprised to see that she had released another book called ‘Tuhan Masih Menulis Cerita Cinta’, and dia merit and currently pregnant 🙂 .. Padahal dibuku ‘jomblo life’ dia, dia tuh sangat pusing dan bergumul, sering ngomel2 ama Tuhan ttg cowo etc. And yet, when she is faithful ama Tuhan, chasing her calling, Tuhan bawa dia kenal Tepen… 🙂

Nah itu maksud gue, saat kita chase our calling, no matter what it is., gue yakin banget the woman or man will find their ‘godly man’ or ‘godly woman’ . So girls, dun worry when sepertinya disekitar loe ga ada godly men. Just focus in chasing your calling, being what God intended u to be. Nanti Tuhan sendiri yg akan bawa that godly pangeran to you. And it will be in His right timing. Mao yg jauh2 pun yg dari negeri jauh disono, Dia bisa bawa ke loe. Mao yg dari Amazon kek, Ethopia kek, Mesir kek.. or maybe malah yg satu komplek ama rumah loe.. HAEUhAUEhauEhaE

So, no need to ask “where are the godly men” in frustration… just be still, be a lady in waiting while keep focusing in mempercantik dirimu luar dalem.. 🙂

Quote of the week

We are not human beings having spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having human experience.


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