How I know that he is the one from God (Part 2)

Please read the previous chapter if you haven’t done so. To read it, click here

CHAPTER 2: THE FASTING PERIOD

In previous chapter, gue kan bilang ternyata  somehow G beneran jadi putus ama cewenya. Gue definitely kaget, and saat itu gue kan emang lagi doa puasa ttg G ini. When this thing happened, gue jadi penasaran dan jelas2 lebih semangat puasanya. HEuAHEuHEAE. Karena seemed like Tuhan nyata banget bekerjanya. Looking back, I was actually puasa for 4 months lebih loh. Everyday, ga makan sampe jam 5 sore. Looking back, I dunno how I did it. Kok bisa ya gue? Wakkakakaka. Gue beneran jadi langsing abis saat itu. Hal yg AGAK susah untuk dicapai saat2 ini.

Nah, akhir Dec 2006, Ci Maria suruh gue ke Johor buat ngeliat pelayanan si G. Which sebenernya gue males banget untuk pegi, karena gue ngerasa kok kayaknya gue desperate gitu kali ya sampe ke Malaysia gitu buat liat dia. But Ci Mar encouraged me to go so that gue bisa lebih tau beneran gak sih ini dari Tuhan. Kalo bukan, this case bisa lebih cepet diselesaikan gitu loh.

So I reluctantly went to Johor, hehehehe, pas waktu itu ada Christmas Celebration lagi di IFGF sana. Kita2 yg dari Spore diundang. IFGF Johor kan mostly mission work, so they did it in the middle of desa gitu. Very2 interesting. That was actually the first time gue kesiram dikit ama yg bau2 misi. Hehehehe. I always wanted to go mission but somehow gue ada rasa2 takut hehehe. Takut guenya tidak mampu menjalaninya gitu deh.

So yeah disana kita attended their Celebration yg dihadiri about 2000 orang. I saw G on stage giving opening speech karena dia panitia and somehow… somehow.. gue jadi nangis loh saat itu.. AHEuAHEuAHEuAHE. Somehow… at that very moment I fell in love with his heart for God. I could see his passion, his vision, his calling. And that’s wat made me cry. Aneh banget HAUEhaUEhaUHEaE. Padahal dia cuma ngomong kata pembukaan gitu doank, less than 5 mins, but he also shared some stuff which I couldnt remember what, tapi ga tau knapa gue bisa ngeliat his vision and calling and that’s what touched me sampe gue nangis. HAEUhAEUAUEh Apa cobaaa.. Tuhan ini bener2 deh.. 😛

And it made me so inspired to go and chase His calling for me too. 😀

Early 2007,

Again, Ci Mar encouraged me to go Johor buat liat pelayanan G, mungkin ada yg bisa dibantu. Kali ini gue bilang ke ci Mar, “ok ci, I’ll go, but kalo  misalnya gue ga liat ada yg bisa dibantu, I’ll go back home and ga kesana lagi deh”

Yah karena it was taboo for me buat jauh2 ke Malaysia just for him. Wkakakakak.. ngapain gitu loh ih. 😛 Emang gue kurang kerjaan apa? (Well, that was my pride talking, which nantinya dihancurin ama Tuhan sampe leburrrrr wkwkwkwkw)

So, I went to Johor and somehow.. somehow pas disana.. gue dimintain tolong ama pelayan2 Tuhan disana to help them with their Sunday skul. Karena gue bekas Sunday skul teacher di Sydney dulu, and I actually would be able to gather some materials for them. Gue ngeliat sih Sunday skul mereka butuh bantuan banget. So yah akhirnya gue jadi bantuin mereka, sampe akhirnya juga gue mesti bolak balik ke sana ngadain training and stuff.

And lucunya, while ngurusin Sunday skul mereka, ternyata banyak hal lagi yg mulai come up. I was asked to help them with their designing, training other stuff and mulai keliatan that God sent me there to counsel some of the women there, banyak yg came to me buat curhat etc. Cewe2 yg udah pelayanan, terutama beberapa dari pendoa syafaat mereka. And karena masalah2 yg muncul among them, yg berhubungan dengan pemulihan hati mereka, ci Mar officially sent me there to build them. Kebanyakan dari mereka itu TKW yg butuh banget diajarin kebenaran Firman especially abt the value of Godly woman. Banyak dari mereka yg perlu dipulihkan dari kepaitan2 ama cowo, or bekas digunain ama cowo, I found out from them that their lives before was really bad pas di kampung asal mereka. Banyak yg menggunakan mereka for sex etc.

To cut the story short, slama gue di Johor, smakin gue bisa liat panggilan gue. Sampe akhirnya gue bener2 tau that I am called for mission, especially in teaching. Real-life teaching, imparting the word of God that’s been so real in my life and restoring the heart of many women..

Pas di Johor, sebenernya gue jarang bgt spent time ama si G, karena kita sibuk abis. Dia sibuk kesana kesini, gue nya juga sibuk gini gitu. So kita agak jarang ketemu and jarang bener2 ngobrol, but from this place, gue bisa liat pelayanan dia lebih lagi. And I really found him bener2 serius ama Tuhan.

CHAPTER THREE: THE SHAKING UP

Nah, after that, somehow gue kerasa kayaknya Tuhan ini kok smakin nguatin kalo G emang dari Dia. Banyak banget little2 confirmations gitu. Apa yg gue minta ama Tuhan, eh beneran terjadi gitu between us. So many, sampe not funny anymore. Tapi I waited and asked God for a really BIG CONFIRMATION. Something yg gue yakin dan yakin dan yakin kalo Tuhan berbicara. Soalnya gue ga mao sembarangan lah ttg pasangan idup. Bener2 ga boleh salah. Kalo salah, abis lah gue. Sebagai seorang istri, nantinya kan mesti submit ama suami. Kalo salah, berabe.. seumur idup gue bisa menderita. OGAH KALO NANTI IDUP GUE JADI KAYAK SINETRON YG HARUS NANGIS2 TIAP ARI!! oh ayahhh, tak mauuu aku tak mauuuuu!!! *dangdut*

Until suatu saat I spent one week di Johor for mission, that crazy week was just … crazy…. and romantic … 😛 Tapi bukan romantic ama G nya, … hihihi. Read on.

Selama tinggal seminggu disana, asik banget. Karena dibawa masuk ke desa2 yg sangat terpencil, ngunjungi penduduk asli Johor yg dihutan tinggalnya. Dan gue bobonya sama mbak2 yg tinggal di Mission House, mereka banyak cerita2 and sharing2. Saat itu, Pastor Jukian yg jagain IFGF Johor slama seminggu karena Pastor Bobby lagi tugas entah kemana. Suatu hari waktu gue lagi kerjain sesuatu di office mereka, Ps. Jukian ngajak gue ngobrol2. And gue cerita2 lah ttg kesaksian gue. Tiba2 somehow gue tergerak untuk cerita soal apa yg terjadi ama gue, ttg si G gitu lah. But gue ga kasih tau namanya ke Pastor. Then tiba2 dia nanya gue, namanya sapa tuh cowo. Ya gue kaga mao kasih tau lah. But si Pastor nih maksa, and dia bilang he need to find out something. Ya akhirnya gue kasih tau kalo itu si G. Si pastor sempet ngangguk2 dan terdiam bentar…. andddd.. ini serunya… he said, “pantesan kok Pastor dapet feeling that I need to know his name. Pastor mao kasih tau kamu that sebenernya ada dua cewe lagi yg dateng ke pastor and said that mereka yakin kalo G itu dari Tuhan buat mereka.”

WOOT!! GUBRAK GA SIH!!! HAEuhaeuhaUEh. Gue kaget abissss!!! Shocked lah gila! Then Pastor continue, “but somehow dari cerita dan kesaksian kamu, pastor lebih sreg sama cerita kamu. Yg dua cewe ini, yg pastor liat sih cuma suka2 aja ama si G. But anyway, pastor akan tanyain G buat kamu, karena Pastor ngerasa lebih sreg ama cerita kamu. So I will ask him for you”..

Gue: Hah??? jangan lah pastor!!!
Pastor Jukian: Gpp. Pastor ga akan ngasih tau nama kamu ke dia. Tenang aja. Pastur pingin tau aja dia perkembangannya gimana. Apa dia ada merasakan Tuhan bilang apa ke dia gak.

So on that day, gue deg2an abissssssss!!!! Then when I was there, I saw si Pastor ngajak si G masuk kantornya, and ngobrol lumayan lama berduaan. Gue udah ga tau deh gimanaaaaaa saat itu perasaan gue. Cuma bisa curhat2 ama Tuhan aja. And somehow shocked and so sad, saat denger that ada dua cewe lagi yg yakin kalo G dari Tuhan. Gimana sih! Gue sadnya karena I thought I was sensitive enough to hear His voice. Ternyata gue salah gitu!! Then I felt so downnnn bgt karena I started mikir apa slama ini I thought gue deket ama Tuhan and bisa denger suara Dia ternyata salah. Then I started to doubt myself, to doubt my pelayanan, to doubt everything! Apa slama ini gue salah denger suara Tuhan for our youth, for counselling orang2 etc. Yah pokoknya pikiran gue diserang abis2an ama si iblis jelek dan bau itu. I felt I didnt know anything anymore, but one thing I knew for sure at that time, that He loves me. Itu yg iblis ga bisa curi dari gue. And I claimed that over and over coz hanya kata2 itu yg bisa gue pegang at that time.

And finally, Pastor and G dah selesai ngobrol. And karena beberapa hal, Pastor Jukian ga sempet terus buat ketemu gue hari itu. So yah gue ga bisa tau updatenya.

Sorenya gue and mbak2 yg laen ke rumah Pastor Bobby, and disana gue ketemu bokapnya Pastor Bobby. Dia ini juga seorang Pastor, missionaris yg luar biasa. Udah tua padahal. Kita ngobrol2 ditamannya, karena gue ngeliat dia lagi berkebun. In the middle of the gardening talk, tiba2 dia bisa ngobrol2 ttg pasangan idup ke gue. Then tiba2 lagi, he gave me these two verses…

Matius 7:7- 8  – Mintalah, maka akan diberikan kepadamu, carilah, maka kamu akan mendapat, ketoklah, maka pintu akan dibukakan bagimu. Karena setiap orang yg meminta, menerima dan setiap orang yg mencari, mendapat dan setiap orang yg mengetok, baginya pintu dibukakan.

Roma 12:12 – Bersukacitalah dalam pengharapan, sabarlah dalam kesesakan, dan bertekunlah dalam doa!

And he looked into my eyes and  said, ” Tuhan akan kasih yg terbaik untukmu. Dan skarang bukan saatnya. Tunggu waktu Tuhan. Sabarlah..”

WAHH, saat itu didepan si Pastor tua, gue langsung nangis karena Tuhan langsung jawab gue. Padahal tuh Pastor ga tau apa2 ttg gue. Pernah ketemu aja kagak! Dan deep inside, gue jadi tau apa jawaban G ke Ps. Jukian. That is ‘now is not the time yet’ .

Nah at night gue pegi komsel, ada Ps. Jukian juga. Tapi dia yg membawa Firman, so gue ga ada kesempatan ngobrol ama dia. Gue ga ikutan komsel didalam, gue nunggu diluar sambil jagain anaknya Pastor Bobby yg namanya Gabriel and temennya yg namanya Suchien. Nah Gabriel ini anaknya lucu abis, gendut and ga bisa diem. At that moment, gue lagi down banget gitu deh. Then tiba2 Gabriel and Suchien tidur2an di paha gue. And tiba2 si Gabriel peluk2 gue terus and said “I love you” many many times. Dia tuh ga pernah kayak gitu. Biasanya juga pecicilan kemana2, ga mao duduk diem. But that night, dia senderan manis digue, pelukin gue and said I love u terus2an. Gimana gue ga banjir!!!!!!! I felt like Tuhan gunain Gabriel, to say that He loves me. Buat hibur gue gitu. Gue inget, saat dulu waktu gue diSydney, gue juga pernah suatu saat gue downnnnnnn bgt, and Tuhan gunain anak kecil Sunday skul gue, yg aslinya dia tuh buandel abis. Masih umur 7 taon tapi udah bisa swearing sana sini. But that moment, the day when I was sad, anak ini tiba2 bisa manis banget ama gue, and accompany gue masuk and duduk manis disebelah gue pas Praise n worship kebaktian umum. Hari2 biasanya, mana mau dia. Sampe  orang2 pada heran and nanya gue, “what have u done to him?” HAEuHAEUhAUEhAE… but at that time gue kerasa banget that He said to me, “You see how the children cherish you? It’s like how I cherish u.. ”

WAAAAAAHHHHH gimana ga banjir lah gue digituin ama Tuhan!!! And that happened again with Gabriel. Saat itu kita dibawah sinar bulan purnama yg terang. When Gabriel did that to me, gue looked up to the moon, and felt His overwhelming love. Romantisssss banget pokok e saat itu.. hehehehehe 😛

Setelah komsel selesai, akhirnya gue ketemu ama Ps. Jukian. And dia bilang that G kaget ada 3 cewe yg doain dia. Dia tau kalo ada dua and he mentioned the first two names, and Pastor Jukian bilang bener. But yg ketiga dia ga tau. Dia nanya ama Ps. Jukian, but Pastor ga mao kasih tau. And G bilang ke Pastor that dia udah lurusin with these two women. Yg satu malah terang2an bilang didepan muka G, kalo dia yakin bgt that G is for her from God. Yg satu lagi, G udah lurusin ke that cewe that he only treat her as his younger sis.  And karena Pastor tetep ga mau kasih tau nama cewe yg ketiga (alias gue), G finally said, “ok pastor, kalo cewe yg ketiga ini dapet kalo aku buat dia dari Tuhan, Tuhan pasti nanti ngomong ke aku. Tapi aku skarang sih ga dapet apa2, pastor, ttg pasangan idup. Aku masih fokus ama pelayanan”.

So yeah, gue sih udah ga kaget pas diceritain ama Ps. Jukian karena Tuhan dah ngomong lewat si Pastor tua.. heheheheh 🙂

At the end, Ps. Jukian cuma bilang gini: “sorry yah Nel abt that. But Pastor mo bilang sama kamu. Kalo kamu yakin banget dia dari Tuhan buat kamu, fight for it…”

Gue (yg lagi down bgt) bilang ke Pastor: Hmm, aku lepasin aja Pastor. Aku anggep dia bukan dari Tuhan aja skarang… aku udah cape…

But when kita balik ke Mission House, di mobil, gue merenung and looked back. Selama the past year, smuanya bukan gue yg merekayasa. A lot of things happened and smuanya Tuhan yg bukain. Gue malah yg ga mao2, tapi terus aja Tuhan bekerja. Gue yakin bgt itu. Nyata banget lah perbuatan Dia smua. So after that long journey home (abt 2 hours), gue bilang ke Tuhan, “Lord, I know that You are the one yg orchestrate ini smua. You are the one that shows me it’s him. So yeah, gue kasih waktu setaon deh. Kalo dalam setaon, ga terjadi apa2 antara gue dan G, ya udah, that means gue salah and he is not from You. Beres. But in the meantime, I will still pray for him. Mungkin emang dia buat gue, but he is not ready yet, so that’s why You said now is not the time. So yah setaon deh Tuhan…”

So that was my deal with God at that time, karena gue tau Tuhan ga bilang kalo gue harus stop doain G hehehehhhehe. Seperti kata si Pastor tua, that I have to be bertekun dalam doa, jadi ya gue janji gue tetep doain. But datelinenya setaon from that moment. HAEUhAUEhAUHEae. Me and my human mind… 😛

And then… and then, besoknya pas gue ngecek email, gue dapet this online devotional!

“Trusting God’s Timing”

When are you going to bring me a mate?  God, when is my business going to take off?  When are my dreams going to come to pass?

You can relax knowing that God is in control, and at the perfect time He is going to make it happen.  The scripture says, The vision is for appointed time.  Though it tarry wait earnestly for it, for it will come to pass.”   “Appointed Time”.

But whenever it is you can rest assured that it will be in God’s perfect timing.

It’s not going to be one second late.  At exactly the right time, God is going to bring the perfect person into your life, and he or she will not be one second late.

Be patient, It’s not the right time.

Simply remain faithful and keep doing the best you can.

Consider the possibility; you may be ready for what God has for you, but somebody else who is going to be involved is not ready yet.

Just stay in an attitude of faith and learn to trust His timing.

Don’t get in a hurry or try to force things.

To live your best life now, you must learn to trust God’s timing.

Learn to trust His timing.  Don’t go in a hurry; don’t grow impatient; don’t try to force doors to open.  Don’t try to make things happen in your own strength.  Let God do it His way.

The sad truth is, if you push hard enough, and if you’re so stubborn that you must have things your way, God will sometimes allow you to undertake a project without His blessing or at the wrong time.  The problem with that,of course, is when you start something in your own strength andin you’re own timing, you’re going to have to finish it and maintain it in your own strength.  When you let God start something, He’ll finish it for you.  He’ll provide everythng you need.

When we try to force open doors and make things happen in our own strength, the end result is a constant strain on us and a drain on our resources.  Life becomes a constant struggle.  Nearly all joy, peace, and victory dwindle from your existence.  That is not a place of contentment and satisfaction.

Be careful! If God isn’t in what you are doing, you need to make a change.  Here is where many people miss God’s favor.  They know God has spoken to them; He has placed a dream within their hearts.  But they then set about trying to fulfill God’s plan on their own.  We must be aware that if we get out of God’s timing, it’s the same as getting out of God’s will.  We need to be patient and let God bring His plan together at the appointed time.

But when it’s God timing, it doesn’t matter what the surrounding circumstances look like.  It doesn’t matter what people are telling you.  If God says it’s time, then He will bring it to pass.

Understand, when you get out of God’s timing, you are stepping out of His favor. When you step out of His favor, you are operating on your own in the dark.  I’m not saying that when we do something for God we’re not going to have adversity.  But fighting the good fight of faith outside God’s timing can leave you constantly struggling, never having anything go your way, never having any joy.  On the other hand when you’re in God’s timing, you can be in the midst of the biggest challenge of your life, and you’ll still be filled with joy.  God will give you all the grace you need.  If you will learn to trust His timing, He’s promised that at the right time, He will bring your dreams to pass and answer your prayers.  The answer will come, and it will be right on time..

GILA! Gimana gue ga kagettttt banget dapet itu besoknya!!! Bisa PASSSSS BANGETTTT!!! Apalagi yg gue merah2in AHEuAHEuAHEuAHE. So, gue tau Tuhan lagi nguatin gue to keep praying faithfully about G. 😀

When I came back to Spore and told ci Mar about the ‘setaon thing’, she said… “setaon?  ga bakalan selama itu. Things will happen before that… ”

And this was in February 2007….

(Bersambung) 😛 *dah panjang nih soalnya hehehe*

Part 3 is here