How I met Him…

Nah sebelon daku melanjutkan ‘How I know he is the one from God’ Part 8, gue diingetin untuk posting something else first. Yg crucial hehe. Alias penting untuk ditaruh di blog.

Beberapa bulan lalu Majalah online Pearl, minta gue nulis kesaksian gimana gue ketemu Tuhan. And abis nulis itu ternyata diminta nulis lagi for the June edition, something yg lebih dalem hehe. But yg June edition nanti aja di posting kesini kalo udah dimuat di Pearl ya hehe.

So yg kali ini gue post kesaksian gue yg pertama di Pearl. Why I post this before I post ‘How I know’ part 8, karena nyambung ama knapa kok sepertinya Tuhan maksa banget gue harus sama si G. With these two kesaksian (one now and one coming hehe), mudah2an para pembaca bisa ‘nangkep’ knapa sepertinya Tuhan berkehendak banget gue sama si G gitu.. hehe..

So, here it is…
.
.
.
—–

Gue udah terlibat pornografi dan masturbasi sejak kelas 3 SD. Ga inget gimana mulainya tapi yg keinget cuma gue ngelakuinnya dengan sembunyi2 dan gue terus ngelakuinnya sampe gede.

Saat gue berumur 21, gue pacaran ama cowo pertama gue. Pertama2, anaknya lembut dan baik. Tapi lama kelamaan, mulai keliatan sifat buruknya yg suka marah2. And memasuki beberapa minggu pacaran, dia minta2 terus keperawanan gue buat hadiah ultahnya. Gue nolak donk. Tapi dia terus mendesak, dengan pernyataan ‘klise’,…

“kalo kamu cinta sama aku, kamu kasih donk keperawanan itu buat aku”

So akhirnya gue luluh juga. Dikasih deh. From that day, dia suka minta2. Kalo ga dikasih, dia marah2. Beberapa kali dia marah sama gue karena beberapa hal sepele. Btw, dia orangnya posesif buanget. Mao ngapa2in harus disebelah dia, saat itu kita emang tinggal serumah sih. (We lived in Sydney, ceritanya sih gue sekolah dan cowo ini kerja. But truth is gue uda dikeluarin dari skolah, tanpa my parents tau.) And I served him for sex, hati gue sebenernya udah mati buat dia. Tapi karena takut aja, gue stayed.

Dan kalo marah dia mulai maen fisik. Gue didorong2 ke tembok dll. Puppy dog gue yg baru umur 9 bulan, ama dia dipukul dan akhirnya mati dipangkuan gue just becoz he was jealous, karena gue sepertinya lebih sayang ama doggie gue itu. Klimaksnya, suatu hari, dia tampar gue sampe terlempar ke ranjang. Then pegang leher gue, kayak mo cekik, sambil teriak2 kayak orgil. At that very moment gue tau, gue ga mungkin bisa idup sama orang ini lagi. So to cut the story short, gue lari dari rumah. Dan temen2 gue bantuin gue kabur dari dia. For first few months, gue masih diteror, ditelponin, diancem. Temen2 gue juga diancem. Tapi tong kosong berbunyi nyaring lah ya. Akhirnya dia berhenti neror gue saat dia udah dapet cewe baru.

Since that moment, hidup gue went downhill. Gue suka bgt clubbing. Dan disana gue ketemu banyak temen2 ga jelas, dan kita idup bebas. Rokok, alcohol, ngobat dll. Hampir setiap minggu, diabisin di clubbing sampe subuh. Kadang2 mabok2an rame2 dirumah temen sampe gue pingsan. Banyak cowo2 ajak kenalan dll. Sampe akhirnya gue terlibat free sex, punya sexual partners/TTM. Dan during these times, gue mulai serius mikirin bunuh diri. Coz I didn’t see the point of living anymore. Gue ngerasa ga ada yg sayang sama gue. Cowo2 mau gue cuma buat sex aja, ga mau lebih. Parents gue juga ga jelas, gue came from a broken family. Punya mereka apa gak, sama aja buat gue. Jadi gue mulai siap2in hal2 yg perlu disiapin buat bunuh diri yg sukses.

Sampai suatu saat, gue dikenalin sama satu cowo. Dan kita deket, gue jadi suka sama dia. Dia keliatan anak baik dan care sama gue. Kita jadi sering chatting, and ga tau knapa gue jadi cerita tentang rencana bunuh diri gue sama dia. Dia kaget donk, dan berusaha talk to me and stuff. So akhirnya gara2 dia, rencana bunuh diri gue tertunda. I felt dia bener2 care dan sayang sama gue. Kita jadi deket bgt dan lama kelamaan kita terlibat free sex.

Tapi dia bilang sama gue, kalo dia ga bisa jalanin relationship ama gue karena dia baru putus sama cewenya. Dia masih trauma ama relationship katanya. Gue ok-ok aja, jadi kita jadi TTM with sexual relationship.

Gue pikir gue ok2 aja dengan hubungan seperti itu. Tapi ternyata hati gue sakit juga. Kalau kita jalan diluar bareng temen2nya, dia ga pernah gandeng tangan gue. Ga pernah show that dia sayang gue. Padahal kalo kita berduaan, dia selalu sayang2 gue. So his friends only knew that I was his sex partner. Itu menyakitkan karena gue bener2 dah sayang bgt sama dia, but I couldn’t bring myself to end this.

Mulai saat itu, gue mulai cut myself with knife, bukan buat bunuh diri. Tapi buat pelepasan rasa sakit di dada. Menurut gue, rasa sakit di tangan gue ga sesakit apa yg gue rasain di dada. There was one day, gue cut my both hands badly, trus gue kerumahnya dan kasih liat dia.  Dia ketakutan, and I think that was the time dia mulai sadar bahwa dia in a bad situation, being involved with me. Gue pernah diem2 baca2 chat history dia sama temennya. Dia bilang dia nyesel terlibat sama gue, he had no idea that he would be in this kind of mess.

Yah hati gue smakin hancur. The one I thought really cared for me, actually didn’t care at all.

Gue akhirnya ke dokter, minta obat penenang, supaya gue ga depresi lagi. I thought it was hormonal imbalance. Tapi it didn’t help. Ada satu hari, gue kalap, dan gores2 tangan gue lagi. And karena gue ga tahan, gue nangis2 dan telpon bokap gue. Selama 5 taon gue di Sydney, gue ga pernah telpon bokap skalipun. Apalagi nangis2. Bokap gue kaget banget donk. Dia nanya2 terus knapa, and gue ga bisa jawab, gue cuma minta dia dateng ke Sydney secepetnya. And before kita tutup telpon, bokap bilang gini,

“please don’t do anything silly, tunggu papa kesana ya.”

Nah after that, gue cerita ama ‘cowo gue’. And he was glad that I finally talked with my dad. Tapi lama2 gue ngerasa hubungan gue ama cowo itu smakin jauh. Hubungan smakin ga jelas. Sampe satu hari, gue muak ama semuanya. Gue kurung diri gue dikamar, gue minum2 sampe mabok and gores2 tangan gue pake pisau. Dan gue panggil ini cowo di chatting. Dia jawab, and I told him that I was drunk and almost jumped from the balcony. Before chatting ama dia, gue emang ke balkoni kamar gue yg ada dilantai 8. Sambil mabok dan gue liat2 bawah. Pas liat bawah, kok kayaknya kalo gue loncat, smuanya akan berakhir dan seperti ada suara, gue akan lepas bebas setelah ini. Jadi, gue angkat kaki gue satu, udah over the railing, kaki satunya udah di udara and tinggal loncat aja sih. But just a split second before I jump, tiba2 gue keinget janji gue ama bokap gue. Yg dia bilang “dont do anything silly”. Gara2 keinget itu, gue ga jadi loncat. Dan setelah gue kenal Tuhan, gue yakin banget itu campur tangan Tuhan. Kok bisa pas2nya pikiran itu lewat at that very second disaat gue udah mo loncat!

So I went inside my room dan sambil mabok, gue chat ama itu cowo. After gue bilang gue ampir loncat dari balcony, eh dianya offline. Bete donk gue. Gue smakin sakit ati, gue smakin nangis2 kayak orgil. Trus gue akhirnya ketiduran coz gue teler. Ga gitu lama tiba2 temen gue gedor kamar gue. Padahal ga ada orang dirumah, dan rumah gue kunci. Somehow temen gue berhasil dapet kunci rumah gue dari temen lain. So temen gue ini masuk and nanya, knapa gue. And she actually heard me crying padahal jarak pintu rumah dan kamar gue itu juaauhhh. Tapi kok bisa dia denger gue nangis. And kok bisa dia pas banget mo kerumah gue, padahal ga ada janji. Karena dia denger tangisan gue and gue ga bisa ditelpon2, dia berusaha cari kunci rumah gue supaya bisa masuk. And akhirnya temen2 gue pada tau apa yg terjadi dan mereka jagain balkoni and sembunyiin pisau2 gue. I’m really thankful for them at that time. I believe Tuhan used them, meskipun gue masih ga kenal ama Tuhan saat itu. And ‘cowo gue’ itu juga dateng. Dia langsung lari ke rumah gue pas gue bilang di chat gue ampir loncat dari balkoni itu. Dan salah satu temen  gue, sebut aja D. She was the only Christian friend yg gue allowed to be close to me. Soalnya gue benci bgt ama yg namanya orang kristen. Bagi gue, mereka munafik. Jadi cuma si D aja yg deket ama gue. Becoz dia accept me for whoever I was, ga pernah nge judge gue, ga pernah berusaha nginjilin gue, but she just accepted me without trying to change me. On that night, gue cuma inget dia bilang begini sama gue,

“gue punya Tuhan, gue punya cowo, tapi my life not perfect. Gue juga struggle with life…”

Which is to me sangat2 mengejutkan, karena gue liat dia itu strong person. Ternyata dia juga ada struggle. Jadi mulai malam itu, gue bangkit. Gue bilang ke diri gue sendiri,”if she can do it, why can’t I?”

So for the next few months, gue bangkit and mulai menata hidup gue kembali. Hubungan ama cowo itu smakin jauh. Dan gue kembali sekolah. Tapi kehidupan clubbing gue masih on. Masih hura2 sama temen2 kehidupan malem. Tapi hati gue masih terasa kosong. There was one night at my place, gue ama temen2 ngimeng/ganja. Gue kagak tau kalo ganja yg gue isep itu pure, ga pake campuran apa2. Abis isep, badan gue gemeteran. Gue ga bisa jalan ke kamar gue, jadi gue ngerangkak pelan2. Pas diranjang, bibir gue ga bisa berhenti gemeteran. Gue takut, gue kirain gue mao mati. And gue ga mao mati. Funny, isn’t it? For the past few years gue udah rencanain gue mo bunuh diri, pingin mati dll. But disaat gue diujung kematian, gue malah takut and ga pingin mati.

Gue bener2 ga bisa stopped shaking. And this was the first time gue cried out inside and called God. I shouted in my heart, “God!! Help!!”. And gue pingsan deh hehe. Dan pas bangun, ternyata gue masih hidup! Haleluyah! Hehe. Tapi ya abis gitu lupa lagi ama yg namanya Tuhan.

But I believe saat itu He heard my cry and He knew that I was almost ready to open up my heart for Him. So He pursued me more and more.🙂

So, gue moved on. Skolah, kerja, clubbing for another two years. I didn’t let any guy get close to me karena gue udah males dengan urusan2 gituan. I faced life with my own strength. Sampe akhirnya di dalem hati sebenernya gue kerasa cape.

Temen gue tadi, si D, dia selalu ajakin gue komsel dirumahnya, or ikut acara2 gerejanya. Tapi acara2 yg fun gitu. Kayak Valentine cruise or Costume Party. Karena ada dance partynya, ya gue ikut. Kalo komsel, gue cuma ikut pas makan2nya, then abis gitu gue pulang hehe. Tapi karena sering diajakin ke acara2 fun mereka, gue jadi kenal ama temen2 gereja D. And mereka anaknya fun2 smua. Ga pernah menghakimi atau berusaha merubah gue.

Satu hari, gue maen kerumah salah satu leader mereka. Iseng2 gue liat rak buku, karena gue suka bgt baca buku. Eh ternyata disono isinya buku Kristen semua. Males juga ngeliatnya, tapi ada satu buku yg menarik. Judulnya, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. Wah kok pas bgt nih, gue kan penasaran. Ya gue pinjem.

Saat baca bukunya, ada satu chapter dimana Joshua Harris (the author) dapet mimpi atau penglihatan. Dia masuk ke sebuah ruangan besar penuh dengan filing cabinets. Dia buka salah satunya, dia keluarin files2 yg ada didalem. And dia kaget, ternyata files2 itu isinya dosa2 dia semua. Joshua ini kristen, udah pelayanan dll, tapi punya double life. He was involved in pornography etc. Pas dia baca files itu, dia malu banget, apalagi disetiap lembar kertasnya ditanda tangani with his name.

So he said to himself, jgn sampe ada orang yang liat files ini, so he tried to burn it, but ga bisa. Tiba2 ada seseorang masuk kedalam ruangan itu. Ternyata orang itu Jesus. He took one of the files and read it. Joshua rebut and tried to prevent Him from reading, tapi Jesus tetep baca without saying a word. Then u know what He did?!?!? He crossed all Joshua’s names from the papers and signed every paper with His own name! Using His Blood!

Wah gue pas baca itu langsung banjirrrrr nangisss ngejerrrr. Siapa nih orang yg mao ambil my sins as His own??? Padahal Dia kan ga kenal gue and gue ga kenal Dia!! And maonya2 take my own sins as His!! Wah pokoknya gue nangis sejadi2nya saat itu. Becoz of a man called Jesus. I never knew a man who can do all that for me! At that moment I felt, I finally found someone that understand me, understand my heart.

Wah pokok e indiscribableeeee!

Dan mulai hari itu, gue jadi tertarik sama yg namanya Jesus.
Who is He?
What is He like?
Why He did that for me?

So gue mau ikut D ke gerejanya to find out more about Him. Gue teratur ke gereja setiap minggu dan sering baca2 buku Kristen. Dan smakin gue found out more about Jesus, smakin gue amazed with Him and akhirnya gue jatuh cinta sama Dia deh🙂

He was everything that I was looking for in a man. I felt loved, treasured, pursued, cherised. No man had done that for me.

Slowly He healed me. Dari kepaitan sama cowo, pornografi, masturbasi. Gue stopped clubbing, rokok, minum2 dll. Gue udah ga merasa tertarik or excited dengan hal2 itu. When I tasted the goodness of Him, other tastes are pale in comparison. Saat gue merasakan betapa cintanya Dia ama gue, betapa sayangnya Dia ama gue, betapa berharganya gue dimata Dia, kepuasan2 dunia jadi ga sebanding and ga menarik sama skali. Karena gue udah dipuasin with Him alone. In His Presence, gue ga ngerasa empty or lonely anymore.

And He makes me feel so SPECIAL!!🙂

Tuhan bener2 restored me sampe gue udah ga ada issue lagi with my past. Gue udah dapet strong conviction/keyakinan yg kuat kalo Dia udah bersihin all my sins. Gue udah diputihkan lagi seperti salju. It took years for me to come to that point. Tapi gue ga boleh give up. Dulu, there were times when gue masuk ke self pity lagi. But God again and again reminded me that I am a new creation in Him. Bahkan Tuhan taruh desire in my heart to testify, to let the world knows, that God’s restoration is so real. Sampe gue come to the point that YES, I’M NEW CREATION! Let no doubt or whatsoever entered my mind again!

Dan slama ini gue tanya idup gue ini buat apa sih. Apa purpose of me living in this world? Buat apa gue diciptain? Tuhan pelan2 bukain and pimpin gue to my calling. Gue skarang smakin tau calling gue apa. Dan saat gue fokus dan mengejar calling itu, tiba2 Tuhan mempertemukan gue dengan The One from Him. Alias cowo lah hehe. Yup, proses pertemuannya dan sampe merit pun luar biasa Tuhan yg orchestrate. (You can read here “How I know he is the one from God”)

Saat itu gue udah ga kepikiran untuk relationship. I’m so content with just me and God. I enjoy my singleness, gue bener2 concentrate in finding about Him more. Pelayanan dll. (Oh ya, gue udah pindah ke Singapore saat ini) Tiba2 mentor gue bilang ke gue,

“wah Tuhan lagi mempercantik kamu luar dalam ya??? Bentar lagi pangeranmu pasti dateng. Dan dia akan lebih dari apa yg kamu pikirkan dan bayangkan!”

Whoah, gue digituin ya mesem2 aja lah. Biasa2 aja sebenernya karena gue ga pikirin soal relationship. Tapi ternyata bener! Kira2 sebulan kemudian, my future husband beneran dateng ke gereja kita, fulltimer pelayanan lagi hauEHuAHEAE. And he is indeed more than I can imagine. Yah intinya gue pertama kali jatuh cinta ama hatinya dia buat Tuhan hehe.

Dia sempet ke pergi ke Malaysia for mission work buat beberapa tahun, dan saat gue chase my calling in mission. Tiba2 Tuhan pertemukan lagi sama dia. And setelah melalui banyak proses doa, air mata dan darah *lebay* selama 3 taon, akhirnya kita menikah 2 taon lalu dan skarang dah punya a little boy. A handsome and macho little boy🙂

I know there are a lot of you yg punya my past yg jelek seperti gue. Cewe2 yg involved with free sex, or even udah ga virgin karena beberapa alasan. Don’t lose heart. Tuhan itu adalah Tuhan yg penuh grace and restoration. Gue adalah salah satu bukti dari His full restoration. Saat gue bertobat dan berbalik dari dosa2 gue, Tuhan ampuni dan Dia ga pernah ungkit2 my past lagi. Kecuali kalo buat kesaksian aja hehe. Karena Dia udah taruh in my heart, my life testimony is to open up so many secrets out there. Yg Iblis tutup2in. Yg Iblis bilang, kamu ga bakalan bisa punya pernikahan yg kudus nantinya, godly husband, godly marriage. He can only lie, ladies!!!  The truth is kemurahan Tuhan itu cukup untuk smua dosa-dosamu. Emang kita bayar harga of our past sins. Emang menyakitkan melewati proses pembersihan Tuhan. You know a story of a pearl kan ya? (cocok nih ama judul majalahnya wkwk). Pearl kan aslinya kotor, penuh kotoran2 ga jelas. Harus dipoles, dikikis, sampe bener2 keliatan sinarnya.

Sama kayak kita. Kita yg aslinya kotor, Tuhan terima apa adanya. Tapi Dia ga akan biarin kamu kayak gitu aja. Dia akan poles, akan kikis smua kekotoran yang ada didalam mu. Sakit emang, but it is NECESSARY. Karena Dia udah liat hargamu yg sebenernya. Dia tau your true value. Tapi karena sudah ditutupin kotoran, kamu atau orang lain ga bisa liat itu. Only He can. So you have to let Him work kikis2 sana sini hehe. Emang kadang2 kita complain kalo diproses Tuhan. Believe me, gue diproses luar biasa sakitnya ama Tuhan karena Dia tau gue banyak kotoran didalam, tapi at the end, it is all worth it!

Gimana gue bisa come to this point? Lepas dari masa lalu, being restored, sampe merit ama godly man yg dari Tuhan and dikaruniai Aiden, our  macho little man.

  1. Bener2 jatuh cinta ama Jesus. Ngerasain betapa Dia sayaaaaanggg bgt ama gue. Sampe gue bener2 content and satisfied in Him alone. Gue ga perlu cari2 kasih sayang or approval from other people, especially man. Karena ga ada cowo yg bisa segagah and semacho my Jesus yg love me sampe segitunyaaaaa gitu loooohh. He is my Knight in shining armour. Rescued me again and again. Pursued me sampe gue klepek2 hehe.
  2. Dipenuhi Roh Kudus setiap hari. Lama2 gue ngerasa jijik ama dosa, and Roh Kudus beri kemampuan untuk lepasin dosa-dosa pornografi dan masturbasi.
  3. Ambil keputusan untuk tidak jatuh dalam self pity. Never entertain!!! Skali pikiran self pity keluar, langsung teking jauh2. Encounter/perangi dengan Firman Tuhan. Saat self pity bilang, “ah kamu mah udah rusak, ga virgin, emang ada gitu cowo yg mao sama kamu?”. Tendang tuh Iblis jauh2 dengan Firman Tuhan yg bilang, “Tuhan sudah membersihkan ku seperti salju, tidak bercela. Urusan cowo mao ga ama gue, Tuhan pasti mempunyai a great wonderful plan for me. Until that day comes, I will pursue my God, my lover and I will pursue Him until I know that He is enough for me. Ga peduli mao ada cowo or not in my life.” Wkwkw. Emang harus begitu.I will ask you a question. Gimana kalo ternyata Tuhan emang mau kamu single slama2nya, just being with Him alone? Apakah itu menyakitkan? Until you say YES LORD, it doesn’t matter anymore if there is a guy for me or not! And you said that bukan karena kepaitan sama cowo, tapi you are truly satisfied with His love. Maksud gue, your heart will have to be truly fulfilled by Him, otherwise nanti kalo kamu jalan lagi sama cowo, bisa jatuh ke dosa yg sama karena kalian bisa compromise since you love each other. Tapi kalo cintamu ke Tuhan lebih kuat, you can stand firm, dan ga mau deket2 dosa because you don’t want to hurt His feeling.
  4. Say enough is ENOUGH! No more compromise, no more ‘ya udah lah ga papa, skali ini aja’.
    Do whatever it takes to take you away from that sin. Misalnya, kamu sama cowo mu jatuh dalam sex. Mbok ya jangan berduaan dikamar. Udah tau pasti ada godaan2 dan listrik2 yg mematikan. Jgn ada kesempatan untuk berduaan ditempet sepi dll.
  5. Hiduplah dikomunitas iman yang kuat. Yg bisa membangun dan menguatkan kamu untuk terus maju.  But you cant always depend on people. Jangan sebentar2 cari orang buat dicurhatin. Abis terima advice, jadi lega. Tapi biasanya itu ga tahan lama karena kamu jadi terbiasa cari orang2 buat dicurhatin.Larilah ke Tuhan terlebih dahulu. Let Him deal with you alone. Tuhan saat itu bawa gue kedalam moment2 sendiri yg sangat sepi. Ga punya temen etc etc karena gue pindah ke Singapore kan. But at that moment, gue tau gue deal sama Tuhan alone. Gue ga bisa cari sapa2 buat curhat, only He was there for me. Disitulah gue dipenuhi ama Dia, sampe gue dapet that He is enough for me. But selain itu, a mentor is also important. Someone to guide you and correct u. Harus sesama jenis ya. :)Ampuni diri sendiri, your past, your ex, your bf, or siapa aja yg sudah pernah merusak dirimu. When you forgive, ada kuasa restorasi dari Tuhan turun ke hatimu. Confess your sins to your spiritual leaders. Healing starts when you confess.
  6. Terus menerus pegang Firman Tuhan ttg siapa dirimu di dalam Dia.
  7. Must understand that love itu bukan sex. Maksud gue, banyak cewe yg salah mengira love = sex. Saat kita berhubungan seks dengan cowo kita, kita merasa being loved, being wanted, being special. Di hug, di cium dll. Waktu gue punya sexual relationship ama ‘cowo gue’ tadi, I thought I was expressing my love to him by giving him my body.  And I thought, karena kita punya sexual relationship, gue kira dia sayang/love gue makanya mau tidur sama gue. The painful truth is when someone has sex with you, doesn’t mean he loves u.
  8. Focus on finding out your calling. Disitu you will find what His great plan for u. Jadi kamu akan fokus building yourself up, daripada mikir2 masa lalu yg ga jelas dan ga ada gunanya.

Yah setelah melalui semua itu, gue akhirnya lepas. Now, gue ga bisa ngebayangin dulu itu gue kayak begitu. Bener2 bedaaaaa bgt ya sekarang. Apalagi kalo mikir2, wah bisa merit with such a godly man, punya baby boy yg luar biasa, yg kalo nangis jadi diem kalo didoain or dibacain Firman wwkwkwk. Ini semua bener2 beyond my imagination and thoughts! Waktu kita menikah, ayat yg Tuhan kasih ke kita adalah:

No eyes has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined what God had prepared for those who love Him

1 Corinthians 2:9

So true!!!

And the past is the past. Tuhan sanggup menjadikan segala sesuatunya menjadi indah. Memutarbalikkan kutuk menjadi berkat. Iblis bermaksud untuk merusak dan menghancurkan, tapi Tuhan, with His power of restoration (tanpa syarat. It’s already yours.), mengubah my shame menjadi my victory. Gue ga ada problem dengan ceritain ini semua karena itulah yg Tuhan mao dari gue dan my past udah ga ada efeknya sama gue. Sexual sins banyak yg ditutupi karena memalukan. Tuhan mao kita bongkar semua itu, karena smakin dosa ditutup2in, smakin berkuasa Iblis atas dosa kita. I don’t ask you to bongkar2 your secret kemana-mana hehe. But saat kamu sudah bisa lepas dari smua ini, maybe u can testify too, in your own way. Karena Iblis dikalahkan dengan kesaksian hidup kita.

Kalo gue bisa lepas, kalian juga pasti bisa! With the power of God, of coz!🙂

—–

Yep so, that is how gue ketemu Tuhan..🙂 and next testimony adalah kesaksian saya yang berjudul…. “Darah Perawan”  AEhAUEhAUEHuAHE

Horror amat ya titlenya? Abis gue ga tau mo nulis judulnya apa, yg langsung lewat di kepala adalah judul itu HHAUEhAUEHUAHEAE. These two kesaksian akan sangat relevant ama ‘How I know’nya… so tunggu sabar yaaa. Hehehehe..🙂

(To read Darah Perawan, click here)

74 Responses to “How I met Him…”


  1. 1 Erika H Sinaga May 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Mksi ya ci kesaksiannya..
    Sangat memberkati saya..:)

  2. 3 blessedfin May 18, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    sampe berkaca-kaca bacanya..
    *minta tissue dong..
    Tuhan itu baik yaaa..

  3. 5 ivon May 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Slalu terharu tiap kl dgr kesaksian mu ci. Pdhal dah sering dgr…=P btw sy penasaran. Did ur dad came over to sydney after u called? Trus2 ci dulu aj blajar d addiction class kl yg namanya heroin itu parah bgt kl lg withdrawal…cici gmana lepasnya? Apa lgs dr mujizat? Hehehe do I smell another blog?

    • 6 nelotte May 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

      HAHHAHA iya gue inget pas di Summer mission, kalian kan yg denger kesaksian ini terus HAUEhUAEHUAHEAE. Berhari2 tuh AEUhAUEhAE…

      Iya my dad came to Sydney and yah sepertinya pertanyaan2 loe memancing another blog HAHAHAHHAHA😛 btw gue ga pake heroinnnn, cuma ganja wkwkwkwkkw

  4. 7 Anonymous May 18, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    great testimony ci,… im so blessed🙂

  5. 9 echa May 18, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    waaaaah kak, gw baru bca…trnyata… lah kk emg ad nyinggung2 dkit kdang kan soal masa lalu kk dipost2 blog in, but pas bca versi lengkap dan detailnya dan kronologisnya aku jadi waah….Tuhan luar biasa..terharu, ga nyangka dulu tuh sgitunya kak TT

    Btw, itu kan happen sebelum kk ktmu Yesus yach.. Mmm ada yg aku kenal, udh ktmu Yesus, tapi malah pngen hidup bebas kaya gt, ancem2 mau MBA pulak…gimana tuh ka?knp ya biasa ada yg kaya gt?pdhal udh ktmu Yesus, even udh diBaptis Roh Kudus…………mgkn blm mngalami revelation akan kasihNya yg dalam kali ya *nanya sndri jwb sndri* hhe

    Btw thx buat sharing ka, dtggu post2 lanjutannya
    Iya itu jdulnya rada serem deh…Darah perawan hhahaha😀

  6. 11 Widya May 18, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    aku udah baca artikel cici kemaren di majalah pearl, luar biasa bangeeeeet dah TUhan restorasi hidup ci nel..

    yah memang sedalam apapun kita jatuh, kasihNya lebih dalam untuk angkat kita kembali😀

  7. 13 Renzani Eka Prasetyo May 18, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    wow… tak disangka, ternyata masa lalumu begitu kelam ci…
    tapi Tuhan memang ahlinya restorasi…🙂
    ada beberapa hal juga yang ketemplak pas gw baca… hahaha
    thanks a lot…😀

  8. 17 Jenni May 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Luar biasa.. sampe nangis bacanya.. sy mrasa terberkati.. May God bless you & put His favors upon you Ci..🙂

  9. 19 Michael Aulia (@michaelaulia) May 19, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Wow..amazing testimony banget… ga pernah mikir that you had a horrible past, but at the same time seneng banget that He has taken them all away from you

    Thanks buat kesaksiannya yang pure, innocent, and apa adanya; God bless yah, gue yakin pasti banyak yang terberkati dari kesaksian kamu🙂

  10. 21 Lydia Sidarta May 21, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Blessed!😉

  11. 23 VD May 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    super like ! ditunggu kesaksian lainnya hehehe:D

  12. 25 Caren May 22, 2012 at 3:18 am

    Thank you for sharing this amazing story, I’ve been inspired by you to renew my faith, God is really works in amazing way🙂

  13. 27 williamnt May 23, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Very good blog Nel🙂 really blessed. Salam kenal juga dari SG🙂

  14. 33 dianne May 24, 2012 at 1:04 am

    D seems to be a great n inspiring person🙂
    Ga nge judge n ga nginjilin, tp being there as a faithful n trusted friend yang terima apa adanya.
    Wow, such a lesson for me n lots of other fellow christian.
    Thanks ci, always inspired n always ketemplak klo baca this blog, ampe saya bookmark. Heheh

    • 34 nelotte May 24, 2012 at 10:42 am

      iyah, God can use anyone to reach the lost souls, can be those people yg radikal dalam Tuhan, bisa juga yang ga begitu radikal hehehe. But yg penting, ga ngejudge aja hehe.

  15. 35 blessedfin May 24, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    ci mana sih artikel nya di pearl mau bacaaa

  16. 37 dinta ririn June 1, 2012 at 3:44 am

    tks ci… buat kesaksiannya…🙂

  17. 39 hendrik June 8, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    hehehehe… Nell, sebenernya waktu baca blog u, Shinta, Grace n Lia, kalian pada sebut buku “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. Agak sedikit menggelitik pikiran gw sih hihihihi…. barusan aja pas gw mau makan siang, gw ikutin hasrat gw buat search buku itu di toko buku rohani tetangganya sekolahan, And La…La… La…. ada bok, bukunya, gw beli deh….
    Penasaran abiiiess gw, buku ini sampe bikin u bertobat hehehehehe…
    Gw rasa Tuhan juga mau ngomong sesuatu sama gw lewat buku ini, gw mau terima berkat itu juga ~_^

  18. 42 hendrik June 8, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    OMG Nell…… Aaaaarrrrrghhhh….. Tuhan Yesssuuuussss…. Tidaaaaakkk…. baru 8 halaman gw baca dan apa yg dialami si Josh 98% mirip dengan yang gw alami dalam hidup gw…. jujur perasaan gw campur aduk saat ini hehehehehe….:)

  19. 43 hendrik June 8, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    hehehehe ada hal yang unik lagi nih, coba perhatikan 3 message terakhir masuk jam berapa, di tempat gw menunjukkan 1:21 pm; 1:31pm; 3:31pm:
    mari kita jumlahkan 1+2+1=4 ; 1+3+1=5 ; 3+3+1=7 : 4+5+7=16 ; 1+6=7 ;
    wakakakakaka…. Tuhan lucu yaah ^_^
    DIA setuju Nell, keren ya cara Tuhan menjawab hehehehehe….

  20. 44 hendrik June 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    wakakakakaka…. bahkan message yg diatas ini, ditempat gw masuk jam 3:49 pm; mari kita jumlahkan 3+4+9=16 : 1+6=7
    Bingo…!!!!
    ^_^

  21. 45 Anonymous June 8, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    Nell, gmn cara kita private message, u ada email? ada yg mau gw share, dorongannya kuat, tapi gw mau bawa doa dulu, dorongan dari Roh Kudus sangat kuat, gw rasa ini nubuat…

    • 46 Hendrik Subianto June 11, 2012 at 11:24 am

      Nell, tar malam gw mau share d komunitas Persekutuan Doa yg gw involved, about your blog. Tolong dukungan doanya yah, Nell, agar Roh Kudus bekerja di hati masing2 perempuan2 yg haus dan lagi kekeringan saat ini, perempuan2 yg broken, dan gw cmn punya waktu 5 menit buat share, gw rasa itu cukup, selebihnya biar Roh Kudus yang bekerja dgn cara apa aja bagi kebaikan mereka. Thanks ya, Nell…

  22. 48 Hendrik Subianto June 17, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    Nell u udah kirim ke alamat email gw, ferdinand.hendrik.subianto@gmail.com? kok ga ada email dari u?

  23. 50 The other D June 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Minta ampun, I was there the whole time and didn’t realise it was that bad.

    • 51 nelotte June 29, 2012 at 10:06 am

      HHAHAHAHAH aku mikir2 ini sapaaaa ‘the other D’. Ternyata kamu tah yon?? HAUEhAUEhUAEHaE. Remember the day when anak2 nyerbu kerumah gara2 aku mo loncat balkoni? Aku inget yuni dll sampe jagain balkoni AHEUHAUEhAUHEae

      Para pembaca, ini adalah my ex flatmate yg dulu di Sydney. Yep, he was there the whole time dari gue ga jelas idupnya sampe gue bertobat rajin ke gereja. Aku dulu inget kamu bingung kan yon kok tiba2 aku jadi anak ‘baik’ aktif di gereja HAEUhAUEhUAHEaE

  24. 52 Rev December 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Dear c Nelly, i’m so amazed with what He has done in your life. what a wonderful new life He has given you ^-^ I hav sumthing to share and ask for ur view..if u can spare any time?🙂 (via email aja deh.. kalo bole hehe)
    i can see you are a busy person (sorry for disturbing), but for now i really dont know whom i can turn to. Then somehow i remember you.. Having read ur stories, i think u can give me the best answers. If i may..🙂 thanks anyway. and Jesus bless u n fam ^-^

  25. 54 nifovela April 13, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    hi ci.. im one of your silent reader and fans of ur blog too.. hihi

    ci may i know ur email? i wanna share and ask.. how to listen to God’S voice..

    thank you so much
    God Bless

  26. 56 Susantimaria August 6, 2013 at 12:01 am

    Dua jari buat ceritanya. Inspirasional banget.
    Setuji. didalam tuhan pasti kita diberikan apa yang kita perlukan.
    Dan patner saya ternyata juga tidak menghakimi mengenai masa lalu.
    Hanya melihat masa depan.
    Karena kami memang niat untuk menjalani sisa hidup berdua dalam kristus bukan daging.
    Past let it be history.

  27. 58 Jesus's Daughter August 15, 2013 at 11:53 pm

    Wow…. Kereeeen…..
    I’m a silent reader xD
    Udah baca yg How I Met My Second Lover… Keren….
    Boleh minta e-mailnya gak ci?
    Thanks😀

  28. 59 mila August 22, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    blognya bagus cik, sangat membangun iman, GBU🙂

  29. 61 Yuli August 30, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Dear Ci Nelly.. Salam kenal. Thanks buat kesaksiannya.. Aku juga rindu mengalami pemulihan dari Tuhan… May I know your email? Thanks

  30. 62 dian October 6, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    Hai c, lam kenal. awal tahu blog ini krna di share di fb temen. pas baca langsung stalking pengen baca semuanya. hari ini baca yg ini, kerasa nyesek banget. dulu aku juga gitu, sex slaved sampe addict cutting my self karena ngerasa emptyness, dan buat nglepasin rasa sakit. kalau ngga nyayat ga bisa tidur.
    tapi skrg pelan2 Tuhan uda kikis kotoran2 yg ada. Dia emang Tuhan yang hebat banget.😀

  31. 64 dianne October 22, 2013 at 12:06 am

    ci, how is to know our calling?
    pernah ada bahas di blog?
    yg judulnya apa ya?
    i wanna chase it too

    • 65 nelotte October 22, 2013 at 11:14 am

      Hmmm, gue belon bener2 bahas sih kayaknya. To know calling sih is a process. But intinya sih calling is your passion ketemu ama kebutuhan dunia.🙂 Dan Tuhan kasih calling ke loe, loe pasti udah di equip sama tuhan to do it. But maybe sekarang belon keliatan. But just be faithful aja ama apa yg Tuhan kasih ke loe skarang. Keep serving Him, ntar Tuhan yg akan direct.

  32. 66 neo April 7, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    hai Nel..may i know your email address?
    wanna ask you something..
    thanks ya

  33. 67 angel September 18, 2014 at 9:16 pm

    boleh mnta no telpo,,saya btuh teman utk crtakan mslah saya saat ini…kesaksiannya sangat menyentuh

  34. 69 angel September 23, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    boleh mnta emailnya mbak nell…

  35. 73 Wellney Yarra September 30, 2014 at 9:15 pm

    I came across this blog from my friend’s facebook and wow! God is too good and thanks for letting your testimony speak of God’s kindness to us too. God bless you and your ministry ci😀


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Quote of the week

We are not human beings having spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having human experience.

Archives

Receive Blog Updates!

Add to Technorati Favorites
Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

%d bloggers like this: