Yg namanya cowo tuh ya…

Gue lagi mo membahas topic yg hangat. Gue tadi share the below article di FB, eh ga nyangka jadi rame banget pada komen2. Sampe dishare2. Kayaknya blog stats visitornya si Viryani hari itu jadi buanyakkk hAUEhAUEHuAEHae..

Nah gue mao ubrek2 dan bahas bagian2 from this article karena menarik. And it is close to everyone’s heart I believe. All of us is searching for THE ONE (kecuali yg dikaruniai celibacy). Makanya this topic sangat rame pas gue post di FB AUEhaUEhauEHae… Here is the below article in blue. And pembahasannya …

The 5 Pillars of Manhood
(How Men Should Love & Respect Women)
WE NEED MEN OF GOD WHO WILL LOVE & RESPECT WOMEN OF FAITH.. NEXT STOP “MANHOOD”

I spent the day with a group of men in our house church learning what it takes to be a man of God when it comes to loving and respecting women. In our day an age most men are not men, they are boys. Most guys still want to marry their mom, have a women serve and take care of them, are not willing to take initiative or commit in a relationship, most men are still living in fear, not pursuing their callings by settling for “safe” because its easy. This is sad, upsetting and the standard must change. Women don’t want to marry boys, they want to marry men. Women don’t want boys they have to put up with, clean up after and take care of, they want to be lead, pursued and taken on an exciting life adventure. 

If you go to most of the churches in the Western world today, you will find that there are very few spiritual men, instead there are many spiritual women. It’s disappointing, but I hear it from women of faith all the time, “Pastor Jaeson, where are the godly men?”

Nah!! That very question!

“where are the godly men?”

Ini adalah suatu pertanyaan yg ancient skali wkwkkwkw. Dari sejak gue single, sampe skarang udah punya anak, yg sering terjadi di greja adalah, banyak cewe yg single and godly but ga gitu banyak cowo yg single and godly. Pilihan ga banyak bokkkk.. hahuAHEuaheuahEae Yg banyak adalah cowo2 itu dateng, dan pergi lagi. Entah karena apa lah.

Yg setau gue, banyak cowo2 ini ‘ga berani’ approach the girls, or approach dengan cara yg salah, or ga ngerti panggilan mereka apa yet jadi masih lebih care about the concerns of the world, like career, travel etc etc. And most times, cewe2 single digreja, menunggu dan menunggu dan bertanya2… “mana nih kok di greja ga banyak pilihan..” .. ayo ayo bener gaaaa!!! hAUEhAUEhuAEHae Yg setuju katakan AMINNNNNN!!! *lho* HAHAHAHAHA

Today, a good brother and leader in our GBS community Daniel Ra explained what God showed him to be the “5 Pillars of Manhood” in how men must love, respect and serve women. It was enlightening and reinforcing from what I have been teaching men for years when it comes to pursuing a woman of God.. of course none of us are perfect, we all have our mistakes, but we must each strive to be better and greater than what we were before yesterday,everyday making an effort to be more like God, to be just like Jesus, to be a man of faith and honor.

The 5 Pillars of Manhood..

1. LEAD A man must be a leader in a relationship, in a marriage, in a family. There are no excuses. A woman doesn’t want to make the decisions for her man, she wants her man to lead in the relationship. A man must take initiative. A man of God is leader, not a follower, a servant, not a slave, a hero not a coward. A man of God knows God and therefore knows himself. He should be the leader spiritually first, emotionally, mentally and physically he should set the standard for others to follow.

Saat man tidak menggunakan otoritasnya sbagai laki2, the woman will rule. Itu yg sangat ga healthy. A man of God will lead his own family to where God wants them to go.

2. PROTECT A real man of God will protect his partner. That means he is willing to lay down his very own life, needs and wants for the protection of the one he loves. Every decision he makes when it comes to a relationship has her protection in mind. A woman needs to feel secure, that she is protected and safe with her man. She doesn’t need to second guess, wonder if she will be okay, or have her heart and mind played with. A real man of God will not only protect his woman physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. He always has the highest good in his mind for her safety, well being and wholeness.

Ini yg gue pernah bahas pas gue bawain topik ‘Love, Sex and Dating’ pas misi ke Sumba di satu SMA. U know, saat gue bilang ttg role seorang laki2 yg mestinya jadi pelindung seorang cewe. Some of the guys kayak tampangnya sneer gitu. Anggep itu remeh. But then gue tambahin, “skarang kalo kalian have seks sama cewe sebelon menikah. Apakah kamu melindungi mereka? U should know there are a lot of risks, bisa hamil, bisa penyakit kelamin. Dan slalu yg cewe yg kehilangan banyak. Kalo katanya kalian sayang sama cewe kalian, tapi bukankah dengan ngajak mereka to have seks with u malah sebenernya merugikan cewe kalian? Kalian bukannya melindungi tapi malah merusak.”

And gue liat tampangnya cowo2 itu langsung diem.. ehauEhauEHuaEHaE.. forgive them Lord as they don’t understand what they are doing. 😛 See, banyak cowo2 jaman skarang yg hilang alias ga ngerti ttg ‘what does it mean to be a man’ .. Jgn heran dari dulu sampe skarang, banyak cewe yg gampang klepek2 kalo liat pilem romance yg the man protect the girl, yg handle the girl ga sembarangan as she is so precious. Karena ga banyak cowo yg bisa kayak gini…

Apalagi ada cowo2 yg bilang, “kalo sayang, u have to make love to me” alias having sex. Wah gue bisa tulis panjang soal ini hAUEhauEhuaHE but next time deh. But intinya, as a man, if you really love your woman, u do whatever it takes to help her to be what God intended her to be. Finding her calling, building her up to be a woman yg cantik dimata Tuhan. Itu adalah laki2 yg gagah dimata gue! 🙂

Kalo malah minta having sex/ga sengaja leading her to have sex, are you ngerusak dia or bikin dia cantik dimata Tuhan?

Click dibawah ini for more pembahasan ya hehehe

This is for the Christian guys out there, don’t emotionally rape a sister, play with her heart and tell her you are just her brother or friend. That is BS. Man up. You either pursue a woman of God because she is God’s precious creation, or you don’t try touching it at all, or play with their hearts emotionally, unless you are willing to be up front and clear with your intentions and the direction of the relationship from the start.

Emotional rape is as painful to a woman as physical rape. Women are emotional beings and their hearts are not to be played with. Protect your sisters heart.

3. PROVIDE A real man of God will do whatever it takes to provide for his significant other. That means monetarily in finances, in basic needs and as well as what she desires. When a man asks a father for his daughter in marriage, the father will not ask, “How are you doing spiritually first?” No, the first thing the father will ask is, “How will you provide for my daughter?” Because part of being and becoming a man is providing for others, especially your wife and children. If a man can’t provide, he isn’t a man. God gave us hands and we must put our hands to work, no excuses to be lazy, God made us to rule the earth. 

Women are not be treated as toys, trophies or a luxury item, women are God’s highest creation, the very image of God.

Nah ini ada bagian yg mesti dijelasin. If a man can’t provide, he isn’t a man. Ini ga bisa diambil artinya secara literally. A man self identity ga ditentuin karena dia bisa provide or not. His identity is firm in Christ alone, regardless dia bisa provide or gak. What I mean here, banyak orang asumsi provide = financial. Kalo the man cannot provide secara financial, banyak orang2 yg ngejudge. For example kalo suami ga bisa kerja karena health or some other reason, ga sedikit yg akan nge judge, kasian ya, masa suaminya bergantung sama istrinya buat keuangan dll. That is very dangerous. Tapi laen cerita kalo the man is lazy. Then we can say that he is not operating fully as a man.

This statement:  women are God’s highest creation, the very image of God.

I don’t think women are His highest creation. Apa maksudnya kita much better than man? I dont think so. Man and woman complement each other. Kita punya qualities masing2 yg berbeda. A man is created to rule the earth, menjadi image of Christ. Nah untuk itu ga gampang, he needs a helper. That’s why woman is created, to be his help-meet. Nah wanita pun juga perlu bantuan untuk menjadi Christ-like. That’s why Tuhan bilang kita harus submit to our husband. Karena most women are ruled by their soul, emotion. A man will shape us, will lead us. When we choose to submit to our husband, ga ada lagi yg namanya di rule by our emotion. Ada clear direction from our godly husband, udah ga ada saatnya lagi wanita bergumul sama emosi, perasaan. Makanya Tuhan assign the man to be the head of the house, not woman.

I tell men all the time, “Treat your woman like a queen and you will live like a king.” Don’t be cheap brothers, you need to go all out when it comes to pursuing a woman. This is not a one time thing, but a continual practice. 

Women were created for beauty. They were created beautiful, to feel beautiful to be treated beautiful. You don’t handle a rose without care, it is the same with a woman of God, you treat her with the utmost care, honor and respect. Practically, that means you don’t take a woman to Denny’s on a first date, you take her to a place that hurts your wallet, but it’s worth it because she is worthy.

Hmmm ini tergantung cewenya lah ya. Gue sih ga mind diajak ke warung, pokoknya diajak pegi berdua aja udah seneng donk pas pertama kali first date AHEuaHeuahEe.

Also, men must also provide for women emotionally. When a women asks you, “How are you doing?” She is really asking, “How are you being?” Meaning, what are you feeling, thinking, seeing, being about at the moment.To love a women we must provide at every level – basic needs all the way to providing for them mentally, emotionally and spiritually, if not their hearts will die. Be a man, provide for your women.

But buat cewe, be careful supaya kita ga emotionally dependent on our guy. We cannot expect our guy to fully provide our emotional needs all the time. The only one that can satisfy it fully is Jesus. 🙂

4. INTEGRITY A true man of God is a man of his word. Too many men in our culture break promises, play with women’s hearts, date girls as if it was a game, and have no respect for women at all. This is disgusting. In old times, when a man said “You have my word!” that word was bond, it was as if an actual contract had been written, because your word was your reputation. How many men do we know today who say one thing, but do another? Men who do not keep their word, their promise or follow through with their verbal commitments.

In our culture we don’t take words seriously, but in God’s world words are everything. Blessings and curses come out of the same mouth. What comes out of our mouths determines what is truly in our hearts. What a woman wants is a man of integrity. Someone who says what he does and does what he says. Someone they can trust at their word. So as a man you must come through. Words means nothing if they are not backed up with action. Don’t say sorry unless you mean it. Don’t say sorry unless you are able to back up your apologies with doing the right thing. Integrity is doing what is right, whether people are watching or not. Integrity is what you do when no one is looking. 

Does your woman trust you completely? If not, it is a question of integrity. Don’t tell a women you love her unless your love shows, words carry weight. They either carry false weight or real weight, a woman knows when a man means what he says. So live by your words, live by action, be a living proof of your values, convictions and commitments. 

Don’t get involved in a relationship unless you are sure this what you want and what God is leading you both to do. I’ve had my share of mistakes in the past, where I got into a relationship without thinking about the consequences, protecting my sisters heart and the fear of the Lord from the get go, I’ve had to make amends and face the results of my sin and foolishness. Trust me brothers, don’t do what I’ve done in the past, don’t play games, don’t feed your fleshly desires, rather seek God, seek the best interest of the one you are pursuing, be honest, forthright from the start about your commitment and your vision for the relationship and stick to your word. Be a man of integrity.

This statement: Don’t get involved in a relationship unless you are sure this what you want and what God is leading you both to do.

Intinya: Don’t waste your time! If it’s not God’s Will, it is not worth keeping and fighting for!  Buang2 waktu, energy, perasaan. Udah fighting2 to work things out, eh at the end juga Tuhan bakal putusin or u pay the price 😛 Cape dheeee…

If you pursue a women, it should be with the intentions of marriage.If not, stop playing yourself and her. It’s not about finding the right woman, it’s about being the right man. That starts with first knowing God in order to know yourself, then you will know how to love and respect a woman.

Kalo pursue a woman buat pacaran aja, or coba2 rasain pacaran ya buat apa toh. Same thing for girls. Buat coba2 doank. Wasting time lah yao. Mending focus kejar panggilan or cari tau Tuhan created u for what purpose. Your  calling is more important than finding bf/gf. I believe when u chase your calling, He will bring the right one for u. Karena ga mungkin the right one has different calling. Coz when u guys merit, harus satu hati satu visi. Focus ke arah sana daripada pusingin cowo/cewe yg belon tentu dari Tuhan. That’s why I said, wasting time doank. And ngelukain perasaan sendiri. Be wise and guard your heart!

5. COURAGE You are not a man until you climb the great wall of China! This is what it says at the actual great wall. Well, I have climbed the Great Wall of China so I guess I must be more of a man than others, just kidding. What is the greater underlying message here? It is a message of courage. It is a message of adventure. A man of God is a man of courage, a man of adventure, a man who is willing to take risks and do the impossible. Men were born to live a life of great adventure. Men were created to fight battles. Men were created to rescue beauties. Men were created to live. Sadly, most men are not living. Most men are cowards, fearful and afraid of failure. Imprisoned by their own thinking and what others think about them. Many men are just boys waiting for their mother’s approval, or the approval of others in society. Most men I know are people pleasers, not God pleasers. They are more afraid of how others may reject them or not accept them if they choose to take the road less traveled. All men die, few men truly live.

Women don’t want nice guys or good boys, women want men on a mission, men on adventure, men who are dangerous. This is why many women are drawn to bad boys because bad boys live with a sense of risk, danger, mystery and unknown. Men were created to live fearless and to live by faith. But if you walk into a church today what you find are a bunch of boys playing with their toys, working at predictable jobs — not their true callings, and living boring lives. It’s sad, but most guys get their sense of adventure from playing video games or watching TV, what happened to our men?

This statement: Women don’t want nice guys or good boys, women want men on a mission, men on adventure, men who are dangerous.

Hmmm, I think banyak cewe yg mao kok ama nice guys wkwkwkkw. Nice guys in a sense, mereka kalem or orangnya sabar but of coz they have a strong passion for Christ.

This statement: This is why many women are drawn to bad boys because bad boys live with a sense of risk, danger, mystery and unknown. 

Menurut gue, salah satu alasan knapa women tertarik sama bad boys karena cewe punya tendency untuk mengubah/memperbaiki sesuatu. Sometimes, mereka liat nih cowo berandalan, bermasalah etc etc and cewe2 ngerasa kasian si cowo ini ga ada yg merhatiin, ga ada yg nyayangin. “Ntar kalo gue sayang2, pasti cowo ini jadi lebih lembut, merasakan cinta dari gue” etc etc. Pokoknya yg kayak pilem gitu deh. Dan cewe2 gini suka kalo cowonya kasar tapi jadi lembut karena dia. Yg berani melawan maut buat si cewe, yg berani nyebrang sungai penuh buaya hanya untuk ambil sapu tangan cewe yg jatuh di sungai. That’s salah satu reason knapa cewe tertarik ama cowo berandalan alias bad boys. Karena kalo the cewe2 dapet special treatment dari cowo2 ini, these girls of coz feel very very special…

This statement: women want men on a mission.

Kalo ini gue setuju karena gue jatuh hati pertama kali ama G karena gue liat hatinya yg on mission. A mission for God. Hehehehe. For me, a man yg punya visi, strong passion and mission in his life, such as panggilan or etc… sangatlah manly dan gagah hehehe. Karena mereka tau mereka harus kemana. Mereka tau tujuan mereka. Meskipun mereka mungkin jatuh bangun dalam perjalanannya kesana and dalam pembentukan Tuhan, but still they rise up again and focus. That’s what make a man, a man… 🙂

And karena mereka tau mreka punya tujuan idup. They will be able to lead their woman. And anak2nya.

A man of faith will sweep a woman of God off of her feet. He will challenge her to go the distance in God, in their relationship and in life. A man of courage is someone who in the face of fear still chooses to move forward with trust in God, setting out to obey God’s voice at whatever the cost, because that is what matters the most. We need men who have hearts fully alive, hearts full of passion and are on a mission to change the world. There is a high cost to being a man of courage, there is a price to pay if we want to be a real hero, it means we are willing to go against the grain, follow God against all odds and live a life of honor, courage and righteousness. When a woman finds a man of courage, it will encourage her to be all that God has created her to be. As a man, your goal is not how your woman can serve you, but how can you serve your woman?

As a man, your goal is not how a woman can serve your destiny, but how can you do all that you possibly can to release the fullness of God’s glory and destiny in her. Men take the lead, protect at all costs, provide in every way, live by your word and live a life of adventure with the Holy Spirit — obey God, not man and you will be the man of God you were created to be — and your woman will love you for it.

End of article.

Nah skarang gue mo bahas satu pertanyaan yg muncul dari salah satu komentator… hehehe

Question: setelah gue baca2 lagi.. kayanya perfect banget tu 5 pillars of manhood..too perfect no? mesti bikin list nya begini juga ?

My answer:
Ada juga yg komen begini di article aslinya,

“You have just described Jesus. The perfect, ideal man that all women should look towards.

No man walking this earth can fulfill all those things you’ve listed and outlined. While it may be something to strive for and worthy qualities in a man, realistically its not possible.

It’s lists like these that give women an unrealistic portrayal of what men should be like.”

HAEUaheuAHeuahE. So is it too perfect? Maybe. 🙂 But I believe, these are the seeds of being a godly man. Komen diatas bilang ‘you have just described Jesus’. Ya emang man harus reveal Jesus in him. So that’s why these qualities ga gampang, karena everyday kita di shape to be more like Jesus.

Menurut gue sih, ini mungkin list yg terlalu sempurna. Tapi ga juga, karena I can see these qualities in my husband and some other godly husbands. Maybe ga smuanya itu ada fully.

For example, the statement: man have to live fearless etc. My godly hubby still has some fears… apa itu fear of height or other kind of fear. But does that mean, he is not godly? He is still a man of God yg I respect. Yes, godly man pun masih ada kekurangan2nya. But what is important, is that my hubby knows what to do when fear attacks. He comes to His presence and he settles it there.

So I think these lists are just a guide for all of us. The godly seeds yg kita harus cari and kembangkan.  And yg paling important lagi adalah, cari pasangan and jadilah pasangan yg punya teachable heart. Hati yg gampang dibentuk oleh Tuhan. And make sure that he/she is from God. Otherwise u will pay the price. What do I mean by paying the price? Kalian bisa compromise your calling. Karena belon tentu panggilannya sama. Life together will be harder dan lain sebagainya..

A teachable heart adalah attribute yg paling penting. Pasangan yg aslinya emang keras, but when God speaks to her/him, dia bisa berubah 🙂 For example, kalo gue lagi ada ga setuju about something ama si G, I dont need to argue a lot or marah2 sama G kalo misalnya gue tau gue bener. Gue tinggal doa, curhat ama Tuhan.. and just keep my mouth shut ke G nya karena gue ga mao ngeluarin kata2 yg nanti gue bakal regret. And most of the times, nantinya Tuhan sendiri yg ngomong ama si G kalo dia salah. Ntar tiba2 G yg bisa ngomong sendiri kalo Tuhan bilang begini begono… ya basically dia sadar sendiri gitu hehehehe. Proven many times.

So girls and guys, carilah yg punya a teachable heart. Yg siap dibentuk ama Tuhan to fulfill His calling. 🙂

And these list of qualities in 5 pillars of manhood?… kita smua masih constantly learning….
Like the writer said,
of course none of us are perfect, we all have our mistakes, but we must each strive to be better and greater than what we were before yesterday,everyday making an effort to be more like God, to be just like Jesus, to be a man of faith and honor.

//UPDATE: Post ini bersambung. Click here… Harap baca yaaaa