We’ll see…

Gue mao curhat!!!

Akhir2 ini gue lagi diuji ama Tuhan ttg iman. Gue ga tau mao gimana mulai ceritanya, pokoknya gitu deh hehe. Coba aja baca.

Dari taun lalu sebenernya Tuhan udah ngomong sesuatu ke gue. Tapi itu cuma kesan. And smakin mendekati saat2nya, beneran situasinya tambah ruyem. Sepertinya tidak ada jalan keluar. But that ‘sesuatu’ ngomong smakin kuat dalam diri gue. Padahal sekarang ini kalo diliat dari mata manusia, smuanya menentang apa yg gue dapetin.

Sejak minggu lalu, that thing spoke to me even stronger. Ada strong conviction gitu. Gue itu sempet mikir apa gue salah doainnya kayak begitu. Coz sepertinya gue selfish, yg gue doain itu bener2 bertentangan ama yg terlihat dari kebutuhan pelayanan. But gue kapan ari dapet verse ini:

1 john 3:21-22
If our conscience is clear, we can come to God with bold confidence. And we will receive from Him whatever we asked because we obey Him and do the things that please Him.

Dan gue check hati gue. Apa gue ada motif tertentu doain hal ini. Ga juga tuh. So thats why gue smakin confident approaching God to request about this thing, which actually bener2 bertentangan ama apa yg didoain orang2 sekitar. And even pastors2 doainnya beda.

To give a better understanding.. sebenernya pastor2 and orang2 sekeliling smuanya doain about something to be done. But yg gue dapetin, and gue dikuatin terus soal ini, that I can actually ask Tuhan to cancel it. HAEUhAUEhaUEhuaHE .. gile ya. Jadi yah gitu deh. I can come boldly to God karena gue udah cek hati gue ga ada motif apa2, except that gue tau ini semua karena kebutuhan pelayanan. Belon tentu panggilan dan kehendak Tuhan yg sempurna. I dont know yet apa kehendakNya yg sempurna regarding this matter. The only thing that I know, gue selalu dikuatin terus ama Tuhan untuk push forward with that strong conviction in my heart untuk doain hal itu dicancel. AHUEhAUEhuAEhAE😛 And even kmaren pas ada doa, pastor doain nya that thing supaya happen. And orang2 skitar ngomongnya juga sama. Gue sampe kepikir, wah Tuhan, seems like everything is against me. Hehe, tapi gue ga discouraged sama skali, malah that conviction smakin kuat.

And lately lebih mantap lagi, malah Tuhan suruh gue melangkah lebih lagi dalam iman. Padahal situasi dan kondisi ga mendukung abis. But this is where I learn to discern my spirit and my jiwa hehe. Jiwa gue ada beberapa kali ngomong “ngapain etc etc”.. but my spirit bener2 ngomongnya so mantep that gue harus maju terus. And gue bener2 ga boleh allow my jiwa yg do the talking. Bisa discourage myself gitu deh. So sekarang gue lagi learning the true meaning of iman. hehehe..

Kmaren pas kebaktian digereja, wah gue dikuatin lagi deh ama preachingnya. And gue cerita kan ke my mentor about this thing yg gue dapetin yg totally so against everyone else. Ama mentor, gue dikuatin juga and she did something to me yg bener2 berarti buat gue. And sebenernya hanya dia and and her husband yg support gue. Her husband sepertinya dapet the same thing. Pas minggu lalu sepertinya smuanya against me kan. But ternyata pas gue sharing with him, dia langsung bilang “wah itu bukan Tuhan”, waduh pas gue denger itu, mannnn.. u dont know how much it means to me. Rasanya bagi gue ada secercah harapan that I’m not alone in this hehehe.

And deep down in my spirit, gue tau bahwa this thing that I ask, will happen. Skarang sepertinya rada2 susah dan the journey very very slow, but then gue dapet lagi verse ini:

Habakuk 2:3

This vision is for future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

Dikuatin lagi deh gue. And about iman is that we know and know and know kalo our prayers have been answered by God and kita hanya perlu thank you ama Dia for it is already done. And 2 minggu lalu, saat gue doain about this thing, Tuhan cuma bilang “consider it done”🙂 . Pas 2 taon lalu, gue pernah doain about something juga related to this, and He said “it is done”, but ternyata it took almost 1 year buat buahnya keliat hehe.. so this time gue ga tau berapa lama lagi it will take. But I know, it will come soon.

Pas di kebaktian kmaren juga, ko Joseph yg preaching, and he asked us to stand up, those people yg need their prayers to be answered by God. Gue refuse to stand up, coz I know deep down, I really have the conviction kalo prayer gue udah dianswer. I dont need to stand up to ask God to answer again. Si Nick, anak youth yg duduk sebelah gue yg ga tau apa2, sempet ngomong “Ci Nelly, stand up”. And gue jawabnya, “No, I dont need to. Coz my prayers have been answered.” And Nick dengan tampang heran, nanya..”really?”, and gue jawabnya, “Yup, I know my prayer has been answered by faith”. Padahal answernya belon keliatan sama skali hehe.. and jiwa gue sempet dorong gue to stand up supaya didoain ama ko Joseph, but my spirit very2 firm saying that gue ga perlu berdiri minta didoain lagi, karena that will say that gue masih ga yakin.

Sepertinya gue sombong ga mao berdiri, tapi I know for sure, that is not what I feel. I just feel kalo gue stand up, means that gue doubt His answer yg gue udah dapetin. Gitu aja. So I refuse to stand up HAUEhuaEhaee.. yeah, you can call it a stubborn faith. Cuek dah, pokoknya itu yg gue dapetin dan gue ada damai sejahtera.

But ini semua juga masih harus diuji. And time will tell bener ga apa yg gue dapetin ini. But I can’t ignore kalo itu terus yg dikuatin ama Tuhan didiri gue. So yeah gue proclaim it aja. Kalo sampe bukan or salah pun, I still learn something.

So… we’ll see…😀 Tunggu aja tanggal maennya. Ntar kalo ternyata bener or even salah, I will write lanjutan postingan kali ini hehe…

3 Responses to “We’ll see…”


  1. 1 Alfian July 15, 2008 at 6:37 am

    keep strong in Jesus Nell, maju trusss… Jangan takut, sebab Jesus ada bersamamu…

  2. 2 rio July 15, 2008 at 4:54 pm

    yea😉 , it will not be delay …

    I can see …


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