kenapa ya?

Si lilian nih, pagi2 tiba2 nongol di MSN, suruh gue cepet2 update blog… ah lilian, sepertinya bisa kuanugrahkan title ‘Fans nomer 1’ saya kepadamu… hihihi. Maksa lagi ngomongnya…

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HAEUhAUEhAUEhaeh, aduhhh gue bahagia deh ada fans yg maksa2 gitu HAUEhUAEhuAHEe… padahal kan lately gue jadi lebih sering update sebenernya. Ternyata memang kalau demandnya smakin besar saya tidak bisa lari..😛 Sepertinya harus lebih sering update. Gue liat sih kayak si kenny sia gitu, most famous blogger di Malaysia, dia sering bgt update, meskipun kadang2 cuma seupil yg ditulis. I guess thats what I need to do. Meski seupil tapi bisa memuaskan pembaca, why not. hehehehhe

Kayaknya gue harus lebih sering2 deh nulis. Apa aja. Gue sih banyak banget yg mo ditulis mestinya, but seperti yg conversation diatas, gue ga tau mo nulis mana duluan hehehe. Kalo bisa update 2 hari skali, that is a miracle!!! Doain deh HAEUhAUEhuaHEe..

Btw, something interesting happened sih lately. Gue kan dulu bgt waktu masih baby Christian, pernah dinubuatin 3 hal, gue bakal jadi apa gitu. And hal yg kedua sudah officially happened rabu lalu hehehe.. can’t say it here yet. Ada deeeeee, makanya stay tune with my blog biar smakin tau apa itu hehehhehe… *skalian promosi* Mungkin gue nanti udah nenek2 pun masih ngeblog AEHAUEhAUEhuAHEaEe…isn’t that cool? a funky granma!!! Gue jadi inget anak2 youth gue pernah ngomong gini duluuu bgt…

Thadya: “ci, I think when I grow older, I will be like you’
Nesha: “what, … lonely?”

huAEHuAEHuAEhuAEh kurang diajar tuh anak HAUEAUEhuAHEe..

Btw, gue juga ke blessed knowing that the readers of my blog ke blessed with my writings (baca:ketikan). I hope gue smakin bisa deliver tulisan2 yg bermutu untuk kepuasan rohani dan jiwani sodara2 skalian. I’ll try to balance laughters with spiritual stuff deh. TRY. Ga dijamin…

ANDDDD another latest news! Saya sudah dapat Permanent Residency Singapore!!! YEAY!!! Berarti gue masih bisa tinggal di Spore for at least 5 taon lagi YEAY!!! Bisa beranak cucu di Spore YEAY!!! hUAEHuAEHuAEHuaEe…

Trus gue baru tadi kepikir, ga important sih😛 …

Gue udah PR nih, brarti definitely kalau gue punya anak, my son harus ikutan Army! woooo.. kan itu kewajiban buat para pemegang PR, second generationnya harus ikut Army. Gue ga tega sehabis denger cerita Eugene yg sering laporan ke gue. Dia sering nelpon2 gitu, kan dia di Army skarang. For 2 years. From cerita2 dia, dia mesti training gimana etc etc.. omg, tersiksa bangetttt huhuhu. Untung gue ceweeee gitu yaaaa, ga perlu wajib ikut gitu2an. Masa dia cerita, kan dia punya bunk buddy, kalo bunk buddynya itu ga bisa tidur, dia juga ga boleh tidur.. gile, gue mah paling cinta ama namanya tidur. Dulu kalau lack of sleep bisa high banget, and melakukan hal2 yg tidak sepantasnya dilakukan, seperti godain cowo2 yg sebetulnya sama skali ga napsuin buat gue (dulu), loncat2 (dulu), senggol kanan senggol kiri (dulu), cengengesan ga jelas (dulu), persis seperti kena rabies. Tapi itu semua dulu. Skarang paling cuma bete hehehe. Terima kasih Tuhan, Engkau sudah memperbaharui aku menjadi ciptaan baru yg ga malu2in.. AHUEhuAEhuAEH *apa seh*
Talking about ciptaan baru, karena nyambung, gue mo ngeblog ttg my transformation from ‘a-girl-who-doesnt-look-like-a-girl’ to ‘ a-girl-yah-lumayan-lah-udah-bisa-pake-high-heel’, inspired by Katherine Kirana’s comment on my previous2 entry.

Gue ada tuh taruh poto gue ala Aaron Kwok di entry lama. Judulnya Kehidupan Rumah Tangga Kita. Itu poto bener2 poto yg infamous, sampe ama satu anak youth, poto itu didownload and di save di Ipod dia buat kenang2an ttg cici Nelly yg terkenal imut dan berjiwa muda ini..mmm.. sampe segitunya coba.

Mao liat lagi gimana ‘cowo’nya gue jaman dulu? hihihi

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Itu gue ditaon 1993, waktu gue SMP.

MANTAP KAN?? AHEuhaUEhuaHEe.. Itu poto gue ama bestfren gue alias istri gue hUAEhuaEHuAEe.. gue ada dua istri waktu itu, satu Ta Lao Pho, alias Istri Tertua dan yg dipoto itu Siau Lao Pho, Istri Kecil. And gue kmana2 slalu dipanggil mereka Lau Kung alias suami.. AHEUhAUEhUAEhaee… Yg poto kedua itu gue bener2 udah kayak cowo aja ye… Kalo diliat2 dan diperhatikan ternyata gue ganteng juga kalau jadi cowo hihihi..

Tapi skarang gue udah bisa pake high heel loooooo, udah bisa pake make up and dandan, uda bisa pake tas cewe.. meskipun kalau pake high heel masih suka lecet2… tapi its the EFFORT, man!!!! Gue inget pertama kali coba pake high heels di Sydney tuh, diketawain ama si Amel, coz kalo turun tangga, model gue kayak gajah turun tangga, so stiff, megangin railingnya kuat2 and BUM BUM gitu bunyinya hihihi.

Tapi gue skarang sudah lebih bisa embrace my feminim side. *beri segala kemuliaan bagi Tuhan AHUEhaUEhaEe*

Jadi moral of the story is… kath, jangan putus asa.. anda masih ada harapan… AHEUhAUEhAUEhuaEe

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Lately, gue diajarin banyak bgt ama Tuhan ttg penyangkalan diri. Penyerahan total kehendak2 gue, mimpi gue, panggilan gue, eventhough itu smua Tuhan yg bangkitin and Tuhan yg bukain. 4 hari lalu gue ditabok beberapa kali ama Tuhan hehehe. But its all gud.

Jiwa gue yaitu pemikiran, perasaan dan kehendak, lagi dididik keras ama Tuhan supaya gue jalan ga menurut diri gue sendiri. Yg gue pikir baik bener2 belon tentu itu baik dalam waktu Tuhan. Iya emang itu smua God-given dreams, tapi kalau emang Tuhan belon bilang saatnya, ya gue pasti susah payah ngelakuinnya. Proven saat gue ngelakuin seminar pas di Summer Mission itu. Iya ama Tuhan diijinin karena gue bener2 mao dan hati ini bener2 mendesak untuk ngelakuinnya. Tapi gue harus susah payah and hati gue hancur untuk itu. And effectnya gue harus recover for a few months.

Didikan Tuhan kali ini is not easy. I have to learn to let go bener2 my thoughts, my feelings, emotions, wants. Meskipun itu smua Tuhan yg kasih. Sometimes we received a lot of things from Him, and we want to do it straight away, and sometimes Tuhan malah ga bilang apa2, ga bilang NO. Kalao Dia bilang gitu kan gampang, langsung gue tau that I won’t do it because He said so. But sometimes, Dia ga bilang apa2, tapi Dia ijinkan gue ngelakuinnya, but I have to discern it is His timing or not. I have to learn to be really really still.

And gue jadi keinget dengan apa yg gue tulis di my frenster profile. Gue tulis disono kalau ‘I want my wishes, wants, desires, etc etc are all from Him and His glory’. Yah ini lah prosesnya. Gue harus menyangkali diri gue, supaya His will and ways smakin nyata sempurna dalam idup gue. Saat kita reach that point where we say, ‘Tuhan, aku menyerah’, then He will take His place and do His mighty work in you.

There are things that I want to do for my calling, but not yet the time. There are things that I don’t want to do, but He told me to do it so that gue nyangkalin diri gue, melepaskan yg gue hold dearly, yg gue anggep sbagai harga diri cewe menurut ukuran gue, itu diancurin ama Tuhan. Sehingga gue belajar cinta yg murni, cinta yg memberi and tanpa menuntut apa2. Cinta yg dicontohin dari Yesus.

I’m still learning.
A few days ago I came across this great poem di my devotional book. Bikin gue kebuka..🙂

I longed to walk along an easy road
and to leave behind the dull routine of home,
thinking of other field to serve my God,
but Jesus said “My time has not yet come”

I longed to sow the seed in other soil,
to be unshackled in the work and free
to join with other laborers in their toil,
but Jesus said ‘It’s not My choice for thee’

I longed to leave the desert and be led to work
where souls are sunk in sin and shame,
that I might win them, but the Master said,
”I have not called you, publish here MY name”

I longed to fight the battles of my king,
lift high His standard in the thickest of strife,
but my Great Captain had me wait and sing
songs of His conquest in my quiet life.

I longed to leave the land and different sphere,
where I alone I seemed to stand and wait
to feel I have some human helper near
but Jesus had me guard one lonely gate.

I longed to leave the common daily toil,
where no one seemed to understand or care but Jesus said,
”I chose you for this soil,
that you might raise for Me some blossoms rare.”

And now I have no longing but to do
at home, or far away, His blessed will,
to work amid the many or the few,
thus “choosing not to choose’ my heart is still.

And Patience is willing to wait….

Hehe.. pekerjaan dan didikan Tuhan emang sempurna.

————————————————————

“Engkau adalah penyelesai imanku, bukan karena perasaanku, kehendakku dan pemikiranku.”
(Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith – Hebrews 12:2)

’til I have nothing and want nothing except YOUR LORDSHIP over my life’

1 Response to “kenapa ya?”


  1. 1 Cong - Ta November 2, 2007 at 7:14 pm

    Oii Nel, ini gua jarang2 nich baca bliog loe!!!!
    Cuman pas lagi browse hotmail gua ternyata ada update dari my gibberish terus ada link ke sini. Well, trying to read this one and WOW, really a blessing lohhhhhh!!!! Praise GOD you have gone deeper with Him and second most important thing you have found your FEMALE IDENTITIY!!!!! hyauhauahauhauhauahauhauhauhauhauhauahu. GILA Itu COWOK abiezzzzzz di atas. Bener2 90.758% aaron KWOK!!!!
    Btw got to go, and hope you miss my UPIL. GBUA


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