Home ‘Sweet’ Home

Gue mau cerita what happened pas gue di Indo, pas balik ngurusin family.

Luar biasa tantangannya. Tapi juga luar biasa penyertaan Tuhan.

Something happened lagi lah between my parents. Sampe masuk koran Jawa Pos coba. Gue sampe kaget pas ditunjukin, sampe bikin gue ketawa ga percaya karena asli mirip bgt ama sinetron. But di korannya, banyak info2 yg ditambah2in. Dikasih bumbu2 yg biar lebih seru gitu lah. Dari hal ini gue belajar sesuatu. Ternyata koran itu isinya kebanyakan tidak bisa dipercaya 100%!! I will never read newspaper again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sehari sebelon gue dapet kabar soal ortu itu, hari Minggunya gue bener2 dikuatin abis ama sermonnya Ko Jo. Gue sampe amin terus pas kebaktian itu. Karena apa yg dibagiin bener2 remind me of His promise for me regarding my family.

Sebenernya waktu October lalu pas gue balik Indo regarding my parents, gue ada dapet mimpi yg keren banget.

Nah di mimpinya, gue duduk di kursi dan gue liat banyak skali orang2 yg ngelilingin gue. Pake baju putih2 smua. I think mereka itu malaikat. And salah satu dari mereka ngasih gue satu bayi. Nah bayi ini emang bayi gue, tapi pas waktu dikasih gue bayi itu sudah bernama. And namanya Joel. Bukan gue yg kasih nama, but when I receive my baby from that angel, namanya udah dikasih gitu dari Dia.

Pas gue bangun, gue nanya Tuhan maksudnya apa. Apa maksud Tuhan ntar anak gue kalo lahir dinamain Joel gitu? hehehehe. So akhirnya karena penasaran, gue buka Bible buat baca kitab Joel. Pas gue buka tuh kitab, yg kebaca langsung titlenya.. yaitu ‘The Lord’s Promise of Restoration”

Wahhhhh gue sampe sooooo speechless. Apalagi pas baca isinya. Beberapa hari lalu gue ada post di blog kok, baca aja.. hehehe. Bener2 pas banget. Trutama the part where it says .. ‘object of mockery’ .. ‘never again my people will be disgraced..’

Itu mimpi gue dapet Oct lalu. Dan minggu lalu yg gue balik, ortu gue bener2 tambah ga karu2an. Sampe masuk koran, sampe masuk tahanan etc. Dan dikoran itu, nama bokap nyokap gue ditulis dengan lengkap. Semua yg terjadi ini bener2 mencoreng nama keluarga, sebagai aib dan jadi bahan hinaan yg lain2.  But thats what God has told me. He said seperti di Joel itu, emang Dia yg allow all these things happened. But for a purpose. To show that I’m His people. Dia akan memulihkan smuanya in His timing, Dia lagi membersihkan keluarga gue dari sgala keburukan2 dan kepahitan2 yg udah tertumpuk bertaon2. Kalo mao tau lebih jelas lagi maksud gue, baca aja Joel yg gue paste diprevious blog entry.. hehe

Sepertinya emang smakin hancur, but gue berpegang teguh ama janji Tuhan yg Joel itu. And I know He is doing something great!!!

Emang ga gampang sih but Dia bener2 nyertain gue. Ada satu malem, karena something, gue and bokap terusir dari rumah. Alias kita ga boleh pulang rumah ama nyokap. Pas itu jam 11 malem. And gue shock bgt, I didnt expect that from my mom. So gue ama bokap muter2 pake mobil dengan hati yg hancur. Ga tau mao tidur dimana. Bokap yg aslinya penuh kemarahan jadi diem ngeliat gue diem in shock. Gue udah promise before I came back to Indo that I would not cry like the last time. Tapi malem itu gue bener2 ga tahan ga nangis gitu, karena gue sedih abis ngeliat keadaan kita. Gue pas itu bener2 ga bawa apa2, cuma hp doank di kantong. And kita muter2 cari penginapan akhirnya. Saat itu sih hati gue bener2 krasa hancur. Bener2 krasa kayak sinetron loh.

Kita muter2 ga jelas mao tujuannya kemana. Bokap sempet pikir kita tidur di mobil aja. Sampe jam 12 malem gitu kita muter2. Pas ketemu penginapan, eh tempetnya full. Swaktu kita mao cari penginapan lain, gue sempet cried out to God. And He didn’t say anything, tapi janjiNya ttg Joel itu deep down in my heart ga goyah sama skali. And saat itu meskipun hati gue hancur, rasanya bener2 ga tau mesti ngapain, mesti tidur dimana, mesti kmana, gue inget Firman Tuhan that says apa yg kita alamin tidak akan lebih dari kekuatan kita.

And I said to God, I dont know how I’m going to survive the night di penginapan berdua doank with my dad. Pasti smakin sedih. Somehow, tiba2 gue jadi keinget ama temen gue si Dewi. Gue akhirnya telpon dia, itu jam 1 pagi, and amazingly dia masih belon bobo, amazingly dia ada di Sby, padahal mestinya dia di Jkt, and amazingly lagi, dia ada kamar kosong. And amazingly gue itu bawa hp. Hp gue masukin di kantong, biasanya kan gue slalu bawa di tas. Tapi kali itu ga tau knapa beberapa jam sebelon gue diusir dari rumah, gue taruh hp itu di kantong. Kalo misalnya gue ga bawa, pasti gue ga bisa hubungin Dewi coz gue ga inget nomernya.  God is amazing ya.

Dirumah Dewi, kita dipinjemin baju, sikat gigi, anduk etc etc. And bokap gue tidur dikamar kosong itu. While gue prefer to sleep with Dewi, karena I needed someone to talk to. So we spent the night talking sampe jam 3 pagi, gue cerita what happened and gue perkatakan lagi Firman2 Tuhan yg udah gue terima, and gue bener2 jadi kuat lagi. And I know this is the grace of God yg Dia udah promise ke gue. That apapun yg gue alamin, Dia akan slalu nyertai. Dia tau itu udah hampir melebihi kekuatan gue, so that’s why Dia tunjukin graceNya lewat Dewi. He used her and her place to comfort me. Coba kalo gue dipenginapan berdua doank ama bokap, pasti bisa tambah melempem, terpuruk makin dalam in sadness.

Abis ngobrol2 ama Dewi, gue jadi sadar sendiri, knapa kok tadi gue ga bisa stop nangis pas abis diusir itu. Padahal gue udah berusaha tahan2in tapi tetep aja air matanya ngalir terus. Sepertinya jadi self pity abis. Terasa seperti anak yg terbuang dari rumah etc etc. Ya gue tau itu smua jiwa gue yg ngerasa kesedihan. And smakin gue mikir itu, gue smakin sadar kalo ini emang bisa dibilang training for my mental strength dan kekuatan Roh gue. Jiwa gue emang krasa sakit ngalamin itu smua. Tapi kan gue harus belajar menyalibkan jiwa. Ga hanya daging. Dan membangkitkan Roh. Dengan begini, gue bener2 belajar lebih lagi ttg Roh yg lebih menguasai jiwa. Bukan sebaliknya.

And amazingly lagi, the next day, bokapnya Dewi, Om Indra bisa ngobrol ama bokap gue pagi2 and kita seharian ditemenin ama dia and Dewi. Bokap gue di counselling ama si Om sgala.

Pagi2 itu juga nyokap gue pas ditelp minta maap ama gue karena ngusir gue smalem. Then om Indra and Dewi nemenin kita balik kerumah. Ortu sempet berantem lagi, sampe akhirnya dilerai ama si Om, and nyokap dicounselling ama om Indra, sampe akhirnya marahnya reda.

So pokoknya long story. Gue dah males lanjutin nulis. Akhir cerita sih, skarang masih kacao urusannya. Bokap masih ga bisa pulang rumah. Ya gue udah ga tau lagi mao gimana. Gue udah mentok. But sebelon gue balik ke Spore, gue urapi smua ruangan dirumah dengan minyak and patahin semua kuasa gelap. And gue dapet Firman lagi dari Tuhan, penglihatan dan mimpi lagi yg nguatin abis.

Yah emang kalo nurutin jiwa, gue udah pasti melempem banget kena beginian. But I know my God is BIG. And I can trust Him with my whole heart. And gue percaya, ini bisa jadi kesaksian yg luar biasa buat memuliakan Dia saat mukjijatNya terjadi. And we will no more be disgraced.

The promise in Joel

The LORD says, “I will give you back what you lost
to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts,
the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.*
It was I who sent this great destroying army against you.
Once again you will have all the food you want,
and you will praise the LORD your God,
who does these miracles for you.
Never again will my people be disgraced.
Then you will know that I am among my people Israel,
that I am the LORD your God, and there is no other.
Never again will my people be disgraced.

Anak gue ntar kayaknya beneran deh gue kasih nama Joel… hehehe

And verse dibawah ini salah satu yg slalu gue pegang and nguatin bgt…

James 1:2-4
When troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Which is pas banget ama apa yg Tuhan lagi ajarin gue since last few months, yaitu jadi wanita yg utuh dan tidak kekurangan apapun.

So I know, ini smua terjadi emang salah satunya buat mempersiapkan gue for things in the future, for what He asks me to do for His kingdom, and for my calling. I need to have those qualities, preseverance and endurance. And also ttg faith. Smua ini yg terjadi keliatannya smakin hancur, tapi that word of God smakin deep rooted in me. I know and I know and I know that Firman Tuhan is YES and AMEN. So Tuhan sedang melatih gue ttg iman yg tidak tergoncangkan. That is my breakthru..
Meskipun ampir tiap ari, gue dapet telp ttg ortu, yg bener2 bikin hati gue kerasa keremas2, gue lagi belajar buat mematikan perasaan dan focus terus ama janji2Nya Tuhan. Dan gue bener2 thankful punya Tuhan yg gue bisa pegang selalu. I cant imagine those people yg ga punya Tuhan, how do they survive ya hadapin masalah2 kayak gini?

So yeah, Tuhan kereeeeen lah pokok e

Walau 1000 rebah
Sari Simorangkir

Tiada pernah kuragukan
Kasih setiaMu ya Tuhan
Setiap waktu dalam hidupku
Tak pernah Kautinggalkan

Meski langit tampak suram
Awan gelap pun menghadang
Hadapi badai lewati gelombang
Tak pernah Kautinggalkan diriku

Walau seribu rebah di sisiku
Kau tetaplah Allah penolongku
Walau sepuluh ribu rebah di kananku
Takkan kugoyah sebab Yesus sertaku

ERICA!!!!!

ERICAAAAAAA!!!!

This post is especially for you!!!!

dan juga mereka2 yg ngefans ama Harris…

(Bagi para pembaca yg ga ngerti, Erica itu biggest fan nya Harris Kristanto Gozali alias Riso)

Harris, the ultimate-future-high-quality-jomblonya IFGF Spore.

Yg banyak fans dimana2 dan kapan saja.

/intermezzo:
Btw, gue ketemu clip dia nyanyi di stacy beddey loh. Cute banget pas disini.

//intermezzo ends

Then Harris 2 minggu lalu harus masuk NS (National Servicenya Singapore), yaitu wajib militer. Huhuhu, like any other NS boys, dia harus serve this country for 2 years in NS. Sedihnyaaaaaaaa…. part-time brondongku harus menderita, dicaci-maki etc etc.

Nah before dia masuk NS, beberapa hari sbelonnya, dia minta Budi botakin dia, karena dia ga percaya orang2 NS untuk botakin dia. Budi emang sering botakin diri sendiri dan beberapa temannya, jadi bisa dibilang smacem ‘expert’.

So here is the short clip of Harris dibotakin…

Btw, itu anak dibotakin pun tetep guanteng!!!

AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!!!!!

BUDI ‘EXPERT’ APAANNNNN!!!!!!!!! ERICA, LOOK WAT HE HAS DONE TO YOUR IDOL!!!! SI BUDI SALAH PAKE SHAVERNYA!!!!

EHAUEHUAEHUAEHUAEHuAEAE.. tapi meskipun begitu si Harris pesonanya tidak menurun sama skali sih.

Harris: wah rambut gue… *sambil menatap sedih seonggok rambutnya yg udah dilantai dan lagi disapu ama si Budi*
Gue: Ehhhh… mao disimpen ga buat Erica????

Tapi karena jorok dan udah kecampur2 ama keringet Budi, rambutnya ga jadi  disimpen deh non…. tapi gue sempet abadikan dengan camera..

Nih kenang2an buat loe….

Hihihi.. jadi teringat ama Sadako..
Btw, kmaren ini kita dapet update dari Harris yg lagi di NS, melalui Zeno. So here is the update from him:

1. Dia belon boleh kuar asrama NSnya sama skali sampe 3 bulan. Cuma boleh buka telpon tiap hari antara jam 9.30 – 10.30 pm. Setelah jam itu udah ga boleh pegang hp lagi. I think after that 3 months, dia dah boleh keluar on the weekends. <//UPDATE: salah info!!! Zeno protes tuh hehehe. She said Harris bakal 3 bulan di Pulau Tekong!!! Yaitu pulau khusus buat army boys dibikin menderita…>

2. Hpnya cuma bisa store beberapa nomer. Karena ama NS emang ga boleh bawa hp yg ada kamera etc etc, jadi pake yg bulukan. So those of u yg sms dia, harap tulis dari sapa. Otherwise he won’t know who u are.

3. Dia cerita: dua hari pertama, dia pingin nangis karena dibentak2 dan dicaci maki ama atasannya…. owwwwwww.. so cute . Yah emang di NS kan begitu culturenya, ditrain as an army kan.  Si harris has been brought up in a strong Christian family and basically grow up in church , so I think sih perlakuan di army and what he has been used to, so much different. Jadi sempet shocked, but now udah better sih. Kita smua pas denger update yg ini, pada “ooouwwwww harris so cuteeee” .. AHEuAHuehaUEhAEE and pada kasian ama dia. He’s like our cute baby brother in church gitu.

====================================

Tuhan lagi ajarin gue jadi wanita yg utuh dan tidak kekurangan suatu apapun.

Btw, I feel like jawabin pertanyaan salah satu blog fren yg udah lama ga dijawab2… kekekekeke.

Dia pingin tau apa yg membuat perjalanan gue ama Tuhan sepertinya indah gitu.

Hmmm, jawabannya apa ya?

Ga ada straight answer sih now. Yg gue tau ya gue harus tetep sincere aja ama Tuhan. Kalo mao kenal Dia, ya make effort to know Him. And juga realize that apart from Him, gue ga bisa apa2. And gue juga udah ada beberapa covenant ama Dia sih, jadi mao ga mao gue harus terus maju.

Dan yg paling penting sih, ngerasaain cintaNya yg luar biasa. Tanpa itu, ga mungkin bisa lanjut terus menjalani kehidupan Christianity. Banyak kan yg pegi ke gereja tapi mereka ga kenal sapa yg mereka sembah. Kehidupan as Jesus follower itu ga mudah, tapi saat kita tau  sapa Dia, it’s all worth it.

So buat R (u know who u are), I guess the answer to your question is:

…because I have personal revelation of how much He loves me…

Itu aja sih.

Gue bisa maju terus, becoz He loves me.
Gue hidup dalam kekudusan, becoz He loves me.
Gue ga mao melakukan perbuatan2 dosa, becoz He loves me.

And I don’t want to break the heart that loves me so much.

Aih.. jadi emo… hauEhuaehuaHeuae. Gue ngerasa lately, kayaknya blog gue udah ga cocok lagi buat yg emo2… AHEuhaEuhAUEhae

And then perjalanan gue ama Tuhan ga semuanya indah lah. Ada juga beberapa kali didisiplin ama Tuhan, itu sakitnya luar biasa. Ya tapi kan emang prosesnya harus seperti itu, to squeeze out all of our impurities, sifat2 jelek, pikiran2 ga bener, kebiasaan2 buruk. Smua itu terjadi so that gue jadi beautiful pearl of His… cieeehhh.. hehehe

Jadi ya seperti yang gue slalu bilang, ikut Tuhan itu sakit-sakit indah..

Hepi to be back in Spore!!

Huah!!! Banyak yg mesti ditulis tapi kok males nulis hehe. Padahal pas di Indo rasanya udah on banget mao nulis semuanya yg terjadi hehehehe. Biasa kebawa emosi.

Mungkin one day gue bakal tulis, maybe not. Tapi tenang aja mereka2 yg tim pendoa senasib sepenanggungan IFGF Spore, gue bakal kesaksian lengkap di rabu prayer nanti, while for anak2 youthku, gue akan kesaksian pas pukat. Hehe…

Btw tenkiu bgt for all the encouragements, prayers, sms-es, supports etc etc while gue di Indo. Gue seneng banget dapet sms Firman2 dari kalian. Nguatin abis.

Yah waktu gue di Indo sih, perjuangan and pergumulannya luar biasa, tapi pewahyuan Tuhan juga luar biasa. It was very tough sih, tapi gue dikasih Firman terus ama Tuhan supaya kuat. Masalah ortu sih masih belon selesai sampe skarang tapi gue udah dapet revelation apa yg Tuhan mao dari gue dan keluarga gue. So yah I just need to presevere in prayer aja.

Hmmm.. mungkin gue cerita sebagian disini, buat dukungan doa aja.

Karena beberapa hal yg sudah terjadi dulu2nya, bokap nyokap gue pisah 2 taon yg lalu. Pisah secara ga baik. And beberapa hari lalu, sebelon gue balik Indo, kan paginya gue ngimpi gue gali tanah and ternyata ada mayat nyokap gue didalam tanah yg direbutkan ortu gue di dalam mimpi itu. So pas bangun, gue langsung sms mereka and ternyata something happened.

Gue langsung booked tiket balik Indo. And akhirnya gue ngadain pertemuan di restoran ama bokap and nyokap. Luar biasa perjuangan gue supaya mereka bisa ketemu baik2. Bokap sampe pake bawa2 polisi nyamar buat ngawasin kita, and nyokap juga did the same thing, tapi she used her lawyers. Beneran gue kerasa saat itu kayak sinetron. I was really shaking sih pas itu, gue cuma bisa pegang Bible gue yg waktu itu gue buka buat nguatin gue hehe. Dua2nya orang tua gue, tapi they both seemed like wanting to destroy each other. When I said ‘destroy’, beneran literally mean destroy. Udah pake kekerasan, hancurin itu hancurin ini dan salah satu dari ortu gue udah pernah sampe mata gelap dan hampir nusuk satunya pake pisau sgala.

Beberapa hari sebelumnya, I met with my mom’s lawyer and dari cara dia ngomong, gue ga setuju dengan cara2 yg dia lakukan. Mana ada lawyer yg brani masuk kerumah bokap gue, meskipun pas itu dampingin nyokap gue, tapi dia ikut2an bongkar brankas bokap gue while bokap gue ga dirumah. Bawa tukang kunci buat bobol rumah etc etc. Pas gue nanya, dia bilang nyokap gue berhak untuk membawa sapa saja, dan merusak apa saja yg dirumah. Since she is still my bokap’s wife. Udah gitu pake ngomong ‘in the name of God’ lagi!!! Dan dia juga sempet nyeletuk kalo dia belajar Firman Tuhan and yet said “religious dan hukum jgn disatukan” etc etc. WAH MBOH WES!!! Lawyer edan!!! heheheheh sorry emosi..

Ya jadi gitu deh. Bokap nyokap dua2nya matanya lagi digelapkan ama si Iblis. Bokap masih mending sih. Masih bisa dibilangin dengan Firman Tuhan, tapi gue belon ngeliat adanya Roh Tuhan yg berkuasa didalam dia. Nyokap apa lagi. Tapi gue udah dapet revelation2 yg nguatin gue banget. And gue tau ini salah satu my spiritual warfare. And gue cuma bisa berperang dalam doa dan puji2an. Si Iblis menggunakan sgala cara dan menunggangi bokap nyokap gue yg penuh dengan kebencian dan sakit hati. Tapi gue ga boleh kalah. Karena Roh Allah didalam gue lebih dari segala sesuatu yg ada di bumi ini kan.

Dan gue udah dapet janji Tuhan melalui FirmanNya dan mimpi gue beberapa minggu lalu sebelon ini semua terjadi. Gue mimpi gue dikejar2 lagi ama banyak setan. Gue lari dan terus berlari, sampe akhirnya gue noleh kebelakang, and to my amazement, my enemies were nowhere to be found. And somehow ditangan gue ada bantal warna merah with gold lettering, and that bantal ngangkat gue terbang pergi dari daerah musuh. Pas gue bangun, gue keinget ama sebagian firman Tuhan yg berkata ‘when I looked again, the enemies were nowhere to be found’.

And gue cari di Bible and ketemu di Psalm 37:35-36.

I have seen wicked and ruthless people
flourishing like a tree in its native soil.
But when I looked again, they were gone!
Though I searched for them, I could not find them!

Then I should share what happened during retret ya. Ada hubungannya soalnya. Kita ada retret beberapa hari sebelon gue balik Indo. Pas acara breakthru worship, gue tuh ga bisa gerak dan ga bisa nyanyi. Stand still doank, and somehow, suara musik yg keras banget itu rasanya tambah lama tambah menjauh. Sepertinya gue ditempet lain, hard to describe deh. And then I saw myself kayak dibungkus oleh sesuatu yg putih. Trus gue nanya Tuhan, “Lord itu apaan?” karena putih2 yg ngebungkus gue itu tebel banget, ga kayak kain. Pas gue liat lagi eh putih2nya ada feathers, and ternyata itu WINGS!!! Wah gile, ternyata gue dibungkus/dilingkupi rapat2 ama sayapNya. He is saying that gue aman bgt dalam Dia. That He will shelter me.

And then beberapa hari kemudian gue ketemu ayatnya di Psalm 91:4

He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.

Wah Tuhan keren banget ya!!!!

Then after that, baru all those things with my family happened. But Tuhan udah kasih liat ke gue kalo Dia akan slalu protect gue. Tuhan emang luar biasa!!!

And gue juga dapet janji Tuhan, lewat FirmanNya yg bilang “He will make the enemies destroy each other” Yg gue percaya sih, kalau para lawyers itu intinya cuma mao ambil keuntungan dari yg terjadi di family gue or ada maksud jahat, Tuhan sendiri yg akan bikin mereka menghancurkan diri sendiri. Ada kecekcokan antara kalangan mereka sendiri kek apa kek. Pokoknya gitu deh . Karena gue dan para pendoa yg laen udah membentengi keluarga gue dengan doa2. Apalagi pas gue di kantor lawyernya, kan gue langsung straight ngomong to the point ttg mukjijat dan kuasa Tuhan akan dinyatakan lewat kejadian ini, dan sepertinya mereka scoffed at me. Meskipun mereka ga nunjukin, and the top lawyernya itu ada ngomong that he believes in Jesus sgala, tapi gue ngerasa that mereka sepertinya nganggap gue apaan gitu ngomong2 soal Tuhan. Lawyer itu sempet komen lagi, kalo gue ini memang militan dalam Tuhan, tapi bokap gue itu bukan anak Tuhan. Buktinya licik etc etc. Dan langsung nambah komen, religious jgn dicampur dengan hukum etc etc….

Jadi panas kalo ngomongin lawyernya nih…. HAUEhAUEhUAEhuAEhaUEhAE

Ya pokok nya gitu deh. Tuhan selalu teguhin bahwa kemenangan udah milik Dia. Yg Dia minta dari gue, cuma percaya sampe mukjijatNya terjadi. Dengan ini pun, gue dibawa satu level yg lebih dalem lagi ama Tuhan. Abt faith, and penyaliban jiwa gue. Karena kalo diliat dengan mata manusia, semuanya smakin hancur, and jiwa gue sakit banget ngeliat apa yg terjadi ama nyokap gue. Asli kayak sinetron pas kita di restoran itu. Nyokap gue nangis dengan penuh kebencian, bokap gue panas dan hampir teriak2, guenya keliatan tenang bgt tapi aslinya I was really shaking. Trus nyokap keluar restoran sambil nangis naik sepeda motor. Hati gue tercabik2 liat kayak gitu. Sampe akhirnya gue udah ngerasa putus asa tapi gue bilang didepan bokap meskipun gue ga liat ada kasih diantara ortu tapi gue tetep percaya sama Tuhan ku yg luar biasa. Pas gue ngomong itu gue ga tahan lagi dan gue nangis didepan bokap. Bokap gue langsung rangkul gue and bawa gue keluar dari restoran. ADUH BENERAN KAYAK SINETRON!!!! HAUEhAUEhUAEHuAEheA

Yea I can laugh abt it now but anyway, gue tau yg gitu2 terjadi cuma bumbu2 doank. Bumbu2 yg bikin jiwa gue kerasa sakit dan maonya emo2 dan kalo gue ga jaga hati dan pikiran gue, pasti gue ngerasa defeated. Tapi Tuhan terussssss bilang ke gue “UNDEFEATED” and roh gue harus bangkit. Jadi dengan kejadian ini, Tuhan sedang ngajarin gue kekuatan Roh dan membentengi pikiran2 gue. Kalo gue entertain my jiwa yg sedih kalo liat nyokap  gue, gue pasti jadi melempem. Padahal Tuhan suruh gue bangkit dan berperang.

Dan Tuhan suruh gue berperang dalam doa dan puji2an, karena gue harus percaya Tuhan sedang melakukan sesuatu. Pokoknya banyak banget lah Tuhan kasih gue mimpi2 dan Firman2 beberapa hari ini. Smuanya menunjuk ke kuasa dan mukjijatNya. Kalo ditulis satu2, bisa mabok kalian yg baca.. hehehehe..

Ya gitu deh cerita gue… kok jadinya panjang ya padahal tadi ga niat nulis hehehehe…

So please continue covering my family in prayers. Perangnya masih belon selesai, but gue tau kita bisa berpegang ama janji2Nya.

and HE said “PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE!!!!!”

Btw, gue nulis ini smua tujuannya untuk nguatin diri gue juga, coz ga bisa disangkal sometimes gue kerasa smua ini berat… hehehe.. but BY GOD’S GRACE, I WILL PREVAIL and THROUGH ALL THIS, HIS GLORY WILL SHINE!!!! *kayak nama blog gue gitu hehehehe*

Unfailing God

Though my eyes may fail me
I will follow after You
Though Your promise seems forsaken
I’ll remember the world’s in Your hands
You’ll find me singing

Your love’s unending
And Your word is eternal
Firm in the heavens it stands

Though sorrow’s my condition
And pain holds back no blow
Though this be my darkest hour
Your lamp is leading me home
You’ll find me singing.

Eyes can’t see but I feel You near
I know You’re working through my tears
I trust You Lord I trust You for You never walk away.

“It may seem too late for your family, but nothing is impossible with God”

—————————————

God is good and His love endures forever!

Panggilan

Yah anyway,

my calling is sealed.

AHEuAHEuAHEuAHEuAHEAE..

Gue udah tau skarang panggilan gue apa. Hehe. Kmaren2 ini hanya kesan. Tapi smakin diteguhkan. Mentor juga udah meneguhkan. Tinggal tunggu waktunya aja. But ya gue tau jelas skarang gue harus ngapain for His Kingdom.

Emang bulan lalu, gue ditantang untuk mendapatkan panggilan gue. Bukan cuma kesan aja. Tapi bener2 harus kejar. So yah, ternyata beneran dalam seminggu kmaren ini, Tuhan bukain banyak hal and gue bisa ngeliat skarang patternnya. Pattern dimana karunia Roh Kudus bekerja dalam gue. So yeah gitu deh. Sempet intimidated juga sih. Cuma gue tau smuanya bukan karena kekuatan gue. Kalo Tuhan yg memanggil, kan Tuhan juga yang akan memperlengkapi. And dengan ini, gue juga smakin sadar bahwa gue ga bisa pake kekuatan gue. I don’t know this, I don’t know that, tapi gue percaya Roh Kudus akan jadi partner gue, Dia yg akan bimbing gue ke semua kebenaran Firman.

Udah mulai sih kerasa tantangan2nya… hehe.

Berat rasanya…

Tapi akan ada anugrah Tuhan… jadi gue ga perlu takut. Karena Dia udah janji bahwa Dia akan terus menyertai gue.

Beberapa hari ini gue dengerin terus lagunya ‘I Will Go’ by Desperation Band.

Ini liriknya… pokoknya pas banget ama apa yg gue alamin skarang.

Let this be my prayer.

I WILL GO

Let Your kingdom come on earth. Let Your will be done
Let every kingdom of this earth bow.

Let the sinners sing for joy, we are saved by grace
Let every saint break through these doors and shout

You’re calling out, “who will go?”

I will go. I will live the life. I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ.
I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go. Hear my battle cry. Give me wings so I can fly
and tell the world that You are God.

Here am I, here am I, I will give all that is mine.
Here am I, here am I, Jesus come and spend my life.

I will go. I will live the life.
I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ. I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go. Hear my battle cry.
Give me wings so I can fly and tell the world that You are God

Dan ini lagunya…

To sing that song, bagi gue ga gampang. Karena bener2 take the grace of God untuk ngelakuin ini smua buat Dia. Gue tau gue harus melepaskan banyak hal, gue tau gue harus bayar harga lebih lagi, to go extra mile lebih lagi…

Apalagi kata2 yg ..
Here am I, here am I, I will give all that is mine.
Here am I, here am I, Jesus come and spend my life.

Terutama yg tulisan “Jesus come and spend my life”… yah hidup gue bakal dispend abis2an ama Dia, until there is no more of me. But anyway, gue tau idup gue bukan milik gue lagi gitu. Gue ga bakalan terus idup kalo bukan karena jamahan Dia dulu. Dia yg udah do so many things for me dulu2nya. Yah gitu deh.

Tapi gue tau gue udah ga bisa lagi turn back. And akhir2 ini gue dapet Firman,

“Sebab sedikit, bahkan sangat sedikit waktu lagi, dan Ia yang akan datang, sudah akan ada, tanpa menangguhkan kedatangan-Nya. Tetapi orang-Ku yang benar akan hidup oleh iman, dan apabila ia mengundurkan diri, maka Aku tidak berkenan kepadanya.”
- Ibrani 10:37-38

Terutama yg kata2 ’sedikit waktu lagi’. Kata2 itu terus terngiang2 dihati gue, emang gue ngerasa waktunya sudah smakin dekat. Kita anak2 Tuhan harus terus berjaga2. Ga boleh lengah dan ga boleh ga sadar kalo Dia sedang bekerja melalui suatu hal.

Then gue udah decided that I will take the life that He has prepared me to do long ago. Karena gue udah dibukain ama Tuhan, what He has done for me dulu2nya to protect me. And itu ga main2 yg udah dilakuin Dia buat gue di masa lalu gue supaya gue ga lebih hancur. If only u know what I’m talking about, you’ll be amazed too. Tapi skarang belon saatnya gue cerita hehe. Maybe nanti, tunggu aja buku gue mungkin bakal keluar hehehe..

Then regarding the cup that I had to drink, yg gue cerita kapan hari diblog entry gue. Ya beberapa hari lalu, gue sempet mao give up hehe. Sampe ngomong ama Tuhan, aduh Lord, can I stop drinking the cup? hehehehe.. But I know I was being silly. That cup and cross masih nyata banget gue harus tanggung. Tuhan ga suruh gue give that up. Ya gue ga give up, gue tetep doain, tapi gue udah lepasin biarin Tuhan yg urusin deh. Gue cuma tau gue harus focus ama panggilan gue ini, then He will do the rest. Karena gue udah ga tau mao ngapain lagi regarding the cup. Begitu.

Tapi beneran loh, saat kita  tau panggilan kita apa. Kita bener2 bisa focus, dan terserah disekeliling kita mao terjadi apa, kita tetep bisa jalan maju ngejar that panggilan. Karena masalah2 yg disekeliling kita itu jadi less important than what God has in store for us. To advance His Kingdom etc.

Gue nyanyiin lagu itu terus for the last few days, supaya gue terus berani untuk live the life. Karena gue ga bisa nyangkal that gue sometimes masih kerasa serem ama panggilan gue sendiri hehe..

So my prayer right now sih supaya gue tetep setia ama Dia sampe akhir.. hehe.. gitu aja deh Tuhan.

———————————

“I am ruined!” I cried,
“for I am a man of unclean lips
and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty”
then one of the angel came up to me
with a live coal in his hand
which he had taken with a thong from the Altar.

With it, he touched my mouth and said,
“Sing! This has touched your lips,
your guilt is taken away,
and your sin atoned for!”

And then I heard the voice of the LORD say,
“who shall I send? Who will go for us?”

And I said..
“Here I am!! Send me!!”

I said…
“Here I am!!! Send me!!!”

It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the LORD -Zechariah 4:6

Kalo gue lagi emo..

Post kali ini gue mao sharing lagu2 yg luar biasa keren, lagu2 dibawah ini udah sempat mengisi hari2 gue saat emo… hehe..

I will tell why keren and lagunya gue attach dibawahnya..

1. Desert song – by Hillsong

Knapa keren?
Karena mantap abis. Pas itu si Davin tiba2 ngasih tau gue tentang lagu ini and background storynya. Because of that, gue cari2 di YouTube and ketemu kesaksian dari salah satu cewe yg nyanyi. Ternyata sebelum lagu ini direcord, that woman ngalamin miscarriage. And she said for so many weeks pas dia latian that song, dia ga bisa ngerasa the presence of God. Baru waktu dia nyanyi live di recordingnya she felt His presence strongly washed over her.

Gue kalo dengerin lagu ini, rasanya gimanaaaa gitu. Very powerful song. Especially with that woman’s testimony. Liriknya sangat2 powerful, it is saying no matter wat, no matter what we are going thru, God is still God and He deserves all the glory and honour. Meskipun Tuhan udah ambil her unborn baby, she still praises His goodness in her life. And that bener2 ga gampang man…

Coba baca liriknya dan resapi…

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

and here’s the song…

2. Praise You In This Storm – Casting Crown

Knapa gue suka lagu ini? Karena same as the above song, bener2 bisa lift me up saat sedih or in the midst of trial. This song sebenernya I dedicate to two of my lovely girls yg minggu lalu konseling ama gue digereja. U know who u are. Cocok banget lirik lagunya untuk kalian. Eventhough you guys are in the biggest storm in your life right now, u guys are in the eye of the storm. Safe and secured in His arms. That stillness, that peacefulness, that security of knowing He can be trusted wholeheartedly. Nothing.. NOTHING can take that away from you.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

And the song…

3. I Will Be Here – Steven Curtis Chapman

Kalo ini lagu sih ada memorynya. Waktu itu di summer mission 2007, gue luar biasa diserang emotionally and spiritually. Ga bisa stop nangis karena beberapa hal, pokoknya gue terluka banget.

Sebetulnya lagu ini buat orang merit or pasangan gitu deh. Tapi for me, sepertinya Tuhan yg lagi ngomong ke gue. Telling me and assuring me that no matter what, He will always by my side. Karena saat itu gue bayar harga yg sakit banget demi ngelakuin apa yg Tuhan udah taruh di hati. Tapi dengan gitu Tuhan malah curahin kasihNya yg luar biasa buat sembuhin hati gue. Gue bener2 dihibur Tuhan saat denger lagu ini. Pelan2 hati gue dibalut lagi ama Dia. Pokoknya romantis abis lah Tuhan itu hehehe..

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
I, I will be here

I will be here when you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen
I will be here when the laughter turns to crying
Through the winnin’, losin’ and tryin’, we’ll be together
‘Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up and the future is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I, I will be here

I will be here and you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we’re older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

And just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I, I will be here
We’ll be together
I will be here

And the song…

4. Pleasing To You – Desperation Band

Nah kalo lagu ini cocok disetiap kali gue ngerasa bete bgt, kesel, mao marah etc etc. Atao ngadapin masalah yg bikin gue kelimpungan, mencabik2 emosi gue hehe. Tiap kali denger lagu ini bikin gue pingin nangis aja.. karena I know my ugly emotions itu ga pleasing to Him. Bener2 mujarab sih ini lagu buat gue. Tiap kali that negative emotion rise up, gue nyanyi lagu ini, that emotion bisa gue lift up to God and I ask Him to cleanse me over and over again.

More often than not, selama ini, gue pake lagu ini untuk hadapin satu orang doank hehehe

Sanctify me
Clean out my closet
Take away anything
That is not pleasing to You

Purify me
Destroy all my anger
Wash away everything
That is not pleasing to You

I will be white as snow
I will be pure as gold
Jesus my heart must know
I’m pleasing to You

I give my life my all
Taking the cross I will follow
Jesus my heart must know
I’m pleasing to You

Sanctify me
You are the light to guide me
To the place where I am
Only pleasing to You

Oh come and Purify me Lord
I need your light inside me
So the darkness flees
And I can be pleasing to You

The song….

5. Hosanna – Hillsong

I just love this song so much.. especially yg dibagian liriknya yg ini..

Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause

Very2 sweet song buat gue. Thats basically my cry lately buat Tuhan. To show me how to love others like how He loves me.

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We’re on our knees
We’re on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

and the song…

6. Kadang – GOL Singapore

Lagu dibawah ini gue taruh aja buat showcase kerjaan anak2 youth kita. Ini lagu udah dibikin lama, and baru direlease 2 taon yg lalu in CD Nothing Changes. Lagu keren.

A little bit serious stuff

Yeay!!! Finally!!

Collide Sneak Preview Video!!!

Ini cuma cuplikan amatiran ala Nelly. Kalo mao yg keren punya, tunggu aja ntar DVD releasenya hehe. Kapan ari U-channel (Christian TV station cable di Indo) kirim 3 personil mereka untuk dateng meliput Collide loh. So DVD nya pasti professional punya lah. Knapa kita bisa kedatangan U-channel? Karena itu orang IFGF sendiri HAUEhAUEhuAHEaE..

So here is the cuplikan!!

Ah Harris selalu keren dimana2.. kekekeke. Kasian dia suaranya itu udah abis. Pas Collide pun nyanyi 20 lagu. Uhuk uhuk… brondongku…

Gue: Eh siapa your top 5 guys di gereja?
Cewe A: Harris

Gue: Eh siapa yg paling keren di gereja?
Cewe B: Harris

Gue: Eh siapa yg paling ganteng digereja?
Cewe C: Harris

Anak2 Sunday Skul: “Koko Harris kerennnn!!!”
The youth girls: HARRIS KYAAAA KYAAAA KYAAAAA
Tante2 di gereja: “Harris kiyut yah!”
Nenek2 digereja: “Harris luar biasa!”
Pas di mission trips: “KAKAK HARRIS!!! Mao poto bareng donkkk!!!/Mao tanda tangannya donk!!!/Mao nyenggol donk!!!!”

Uhuk.. Erica (yg sudah ngebet ama Harris sejak dari Harris masih SD) , loe mesti harus berjuang mati2an melawan begitu banyak tantangan.
May the force be with you.

Gue kasian ama ntar yg jadi cewenya Harris. Dipelototin, dibetein ama banyak cewe etc etc, mungkin waktu malem2 pas lagi bobo, alisnya dicukur abis ama cewe2 yg ga terima. *Ga papa jaman skarang dah ada tattoo alis kok*

Untung Harris ga seumur gue, kalo iya gitu waduh bahaya.. *ngiler* kekekekek…

Btw gue mao cerita ttg gue ke KL kmaren.

Waktu gue nyampe di IFGF Sunway kan malem minggu tuh jam 12 malem. I found the place lebih interesting daripada the last time I came. Karena hari itu dah malem, clubs2nya mulai on. Diatas gereja, dibawah bergelintangan clubs. AHEUhaUEhuAHEe.. Interesting. Terus terang pas gue lewat club2 gitu, daging gue sempet tergerak dikit. Karena dunia clubbing adalah dunia gue dulu HAUEhaUEhuaEHae. So yeah daging gue tergerak sedikit. Makanya gue jalannya cepet2 kabur dari sana. But I know sih, daging emang tergerak untuk being entertained, tapi kalo gue masuk to that place, roh gue pasti berontak. Dulu pernah sih kira2 4 taon lalu gue coba clubbing. Sehabis gue dah bertobat. And pas gue di tempet itu, gue ga damai sejahtera bangettttt. Pokoknya jadi ga enjoy gitu deh and cepet2 kuar. Padahal dulu tuh bisa dari jam 10 malem sampe jam 10 pagi kalo clubbing HAUEhuaEhuahee. Club-hopping gitu deh.

Yg paling parah waktu gue club-hopping ke salah satu club di Sydney. That was the first time I went to that club. So quite kaget juga tempetnya kayak gitu. Pas itu gue diajak ama temen2 gue yg drug-dealers HAUEhaUEhuaEe. Gue dulu sempet bantuin mereka ngedarin ecstacy. hAUEhUAEHuAEHaEh *parah lah* (kalo ada pak polisi yg baca, jgn tangkap saya ya. Saya sudah bertobat loh). And gue ga pernah pake sih ecstacy, karena gue tau once I tried, pasti gue bisa ketagihan. So gue ga mao loh. Gue skarang yakin sih pas itu Tuhan jagain gue supaya gue ga mao coba. Eventhough I didn’t know Him before, kalo gue look back, His footprints itu ada in all over my life. His protection gitu. I was surrounded by many drug-addicts, malah ada beberapa yg gunain kamar gue buat nyabu (u know the kind of ngobat yg pake aluminium foil and dibakar, then diisep asapnya), and mereka did that in front of my eyes, ngajarin gue ngelintingnya etc etc. Malah nawarin gue melulu untuk pake. Tapi thank God, gue ga pernah mao. Hehe. I believe that’s Him. I love YOU BIG GUY!!! hehehe

Yah tapi gue pernah terlibat ngimeng sih HAUEhUAEHuAHEAE.. but ada satu kejadian yg bikin gue kapok ngimeng. Males crita kepanjangan..

Btw anak2 pernah nanyain gue, rasanya gimana sih ci.. ya gue terus terang aja bilang rasanya enak. AHEuhaEuhAUEhaEh Lah iya emang, kalo ga enak mana mungkin orang2 jadi suka. Gue ga mau boongin rasanya itu ga enak. BIlang aja jujur, tapi mesti abis gitu kasih tau outcomenya juga. Kalo udah nyoba whats gonna happen. Ga worth it lah. Mending makan sambel atau gigit perut budi. Lebih berkasiat untuk kesehatan jiwa dan raga.

Then anak2 youth juga nanyain gue ttg clubbing itu gimana. So I told them what my point of view. Bagi gue, clubbing ga ada gunanya. Dulu emang gue suka banget karena gue demen dance. Tapi sekarang setelah gue lebih mendalami FirmanNya, and what I see in clubs, gue jadi ilfil. Apa yg gue liat di clubs2 itu kebanyakan, cowo cewe grepe2, kiss2an, girls trying to be sexy and seduce the guys, guys trying to hook up with girls for the wrong reason, orang2 mabok2an. And I know for a fact banyak cowo yg kesana itu buat cari cewe or liat cewe. Waktu gue idupnya di dunia clubbing, banyak temen2 cowo gue yg suka nanya sebelon ke clubbing ‘ada cewe nganggur ga? kenalin donk’ etc etc. So, how on earth that place is healthy for your spiritual life? Ya gue nulis begini supaya para pembaca yg Kristen tapi suka clubbing, please buka gede2 ur eyes. What do u see? Don’t tell me saat disana, your flesh ga tergerak.

Gue dulu juga mikir, ga papa lah ke clubbing skali2 meskipun dah bertobat. And I tried that. But I know, spirit gue bener2 ga damai sejahtera waktu disana, sampe akhirnya ya itu gue kuar. Karena ditempet itu banyak godaan to please your flesh. Daripada menjerumuskan diri sendiri, mendingan cabut man.

Nah pas di Sunway KL itu, gue liat banyak temptation in that place. Apalagi gereja IFGF sana kebanyakan anak muda. Gue sempet geleng2 kepala pas liat so many clubs downstairs. One row lagi. Pas banget ama apa yg gue mao kotbahin di kebaktian mereka the next morning, yaitu ttg Daging vs. Roh. Memang Tuhan sudah berbicara hehehe.
So yeah gitu my curhat for the day.

Btw I found one interesting poto taken pas Collide.

ZOOOOOMMMM INNNN!!!!!!!!

WHOHOOOOOO!!!

Sese lagi ngapain tuh? Hmm.. Cocok buat pose iklan perfume penghilang bau kelek.

AHuehAUEhAUEhAUEHAUHEAE

The guy that I like

Hihihi… interesting title ye..

Ini posting iseng lanjutan posting yg kapan ari gue pernah tulis, ttg cowo yg gue ga suka. Silakan baca disini.

So, cowo seperti apa yg gue minta dari Babeh disurga? … hihihi

1. Spirit-filled
Cowo yg udah tau jelas standard ilahi Tuhan. Kita udah ga perlu pusingin/beda pendapat antara boleh pegi clubbing apa ga, ngerokok boleh apa ga, harus perpuluhan pa ga etc etc. Hal2 sperti itu dia udah mestinya tau lah Tuhan berbicara apa lewat FirmanNya. And cowo ini harus udah tau panggilannya apa and bener2 running for His calling. Ga ada musimnya lagi buat suam2 kuku dimata Tuhan or doubting Him. Yah pokoknya yg idup matinya melayani Tuhan lah. Period. Yg pelayanannya udah ga perlu dipertanyakan lagi. Ini syarat mutlak sih hehehe..

2. Humble and sederhana.
Gue ga suka tuh cowo yg neko2 banyak macem, sok keren apa lagi. Kelaut aja lah loe man.. HAEuaHEuHAEuaE. Gue suka yg low maintenance, cocok ama gue juga. Then cowo yg ga takut kotor. Mao nyemplung sawah, ok. Mao duduk di pinggir jalan berdebu, ga masalah. Gue seneng tuh duduk dipinggir jalan kayak tukang sate ngeliatin orang lewat hAUEhuaehuAHae.. . Entertainment gratis buat gue.

Gue dulu pernah tuh ke desanya supir gue waktu gue SMP. Wah seneng abis bisa nyemplung2 di sawah, berlumpur2 and sempet mandi di kali ama kebo kebo… pokoknya salah satu kenangan gue yg paling indah… perasaan mandi bareng kebo itu tidak ada duanya… hihihi

Beberapa taun yg lalu gue sempet dijodoh2in ama satu cowo nih ya. Gue mao cerita. Ini cowo luar biasa. Patut dimention.

Waktu itu kita ada pukat dirumah gue. And karena living room kita kecil, jadi semuanya duduk dilantai. Ini cowo maksa duduk kursi. Gue bilang ke dia, duduk dibawah aja ama yg lain, daripada loe duduk dikursi kan rada jauhan, ntar sharing2nya ga enak. But he insisted duduk di kursi itu, then lama2 setelah gue paksa2, baru dia ngaku. Dia bilang, dia ga mao duduk dilantai living room gue karena dia pake celana putih and takut kotor (padahal tuh lantai baru aja gue pel sebelon pukat!). Gue sampe bengong man!! Sampe akhirnya gue ambil koran buat tatakin dia duduk dilantai… HAUEhaUEhuaEh.. ada ya cowo kayak gitu!

Gue juga found out that dia tuh sangking gilanya shopping, sampe ambil 2 hari off dari kerja cuma buat Spore Great Sale. Yaelaaa… Haleluyahhh, terima kasih Tuhan dia bukan jodoh saya *elus dada* AHUEhAUEhUAEhuaHEe

3. Similar past.
Gue mao begitu karena panggilan kita harus sama lah areanya. Of coz donk. Gue demen yg pastnya juga sama ama gue, coz then kita sama2 tau rasanya hidup tanpa Tuhan dulu gimana. Ga enak banget pokoknya. Dan biasanya orang yg udah pernah mengalami hal2 semacem itu and bener2 true repentance, dia akan sungguh2 melayani Tuhan coz we have tasted His Goodness, and will never look back.

4. MISSION.
Ini juga mutlak. Ga perlu lagi dibahas.

Kriteria2 yg lain ya ada. But ga sepenting yg diatas, jadi ga perlu ditulis.

Btw, anak2 youth suka manggil2 gue mami kan. Ada satu yg namanya Kenan, slalu manggil gue mami. And yg paling sering dia tanyain ke gue adalah pertanyaan ini:

Kenan: “Mami!!! Papi manaaa???”

and .. jawaban favorit gue..

Gue: “Papi kamu orang Korea. Namanya Kah Ming Soon.”

Get it?
Buat yg ga ngerti (note: especially buat Septi), baca namanya lagi deh berulang kali sampe u get it.

Roh & Jiwa :P

Gue lagi baca buku judulnya ‘Manusia Rohani’ by Watchman Nee. Luar biasa isinya. Baru separoh sih gue bacanya. Tapi gue ga bisa stop reading. Dalem abis, bener2 harus konsen bacanya.

Ini buku ada 3 seri, tebel2 lagi. Gue baru baca halfway yg pertama. Bahas ttg roh, jiwa dan tubuh. Ttg kematian roh, peleburan jiwa dan roh, and orang2 Kristen yg masih dikuasai daging. Banyak firman2 Tuhan yg dibuka ke gue sih. Pokoknya seru banget bukunya. Very much recommended.

Anywayss, akhir2 ini gue smakin ke beban untuk mempertajam kebenaran Firman dalam diri gue. The reason is, smakin gue ngajar Bible class, smakin gue merasa bahwa gue bener2 harus mendalami Firman. Iya lah, ceng li.

Kan ada 5 karunia kepemimpinan dari Tuhan kan, yaitu: rasul, nabi, gembala, penginjil and guru.

Mr. K kmaren pernah mention, that for him, the hardest is not to preach, coz almost everyone can preach, but apa yg diajar itu yg akan dituntut oleh Tuhan. Nah itu dia, that’s what I feel lately. Gue akhir2 ini doanya minta itu sih hehehhee, supaya kebenaran Firman smakin kuat dalam idup gue, so gue ga sembarangan ngajar.

Karena ya itu, gue harus lebih berhati2 coz those that I teach, terutama youth, kalo gue ngajarnya salah, mereka pun juga bakal ngawur. And gue juga asking God, kalo ada yg kurang, let the Holy Spirit yg memperlengkapi, make them lebih ngerti gitu deh. I guess this is all by His Grace lah, gue mana tau smua jawaban sih.

Apalagi kmaren ini gue preaching for the first time , smakin ngerti aja tuntutan Tuhan for preaching and teaching gitu supaya gue sendiri ga ngawur. Rada2 menyeramkan. But yah, I can only depend on Him lah for His wisdom keluar dari gue.

And gue ngerasa, no wonder Tuhan beberapa bulan lalu ngomong that Dia bakal hancurin ‘keAKUan’ gue. So bener2 no more of me, but all of Him. Dengan gitu, gue bisa ngajar sesuai dengan His Word and Spirit. Ga tercampur aduk ama my own self gitu. Ya masih in the process sih.

In that book juga, si Watchman Nee bilang that kita sebagai orang Kristen harus bisa membedakan roh dan jiwa kita. Lately gue emang diajarin lebih lagi ttg itu. Yg bulan lalu gue nangis2 selama 2 hari itu, gue belajar that saat itu emang jiwa gue ngerasa sakit bgt and maonya berhenti aja, tapi my spirit berkata lain. So yah, gue skarang lebih blajar to bedain yg mana desakan jiwa and desakan roh. Jiwa berdasarkan dengan apa yg terlihat dan dirasakan, but roh berdasarkan atas Firman Tuhan gitu.

No wonder juga that Mr. K always says that dia ga mao terpengaruh dengan kondisi dan situasi. Thats where you learn to depend and be sensitive to the spirit. Gue jadi tambah ngerti what he means.

Hehe dalem ya postingan gue kali ini . Gue lagi pingin aja nulis yg dalem2.

Btw,

Question of the day:

(yg gue terus pikirin since last year tapi sampe skarang gue ga dapet-dapet jawabannya)

Kenapa instant noodle indo dinamain mi goreng padahal jelas2 direbus?
Yg come up with a gud answer bakal menang hadiah Semalam bersama Budi. *gue demen bgt bagi2 hadiah ini*

Pas di pukat,
“hayoo sapa yg tau jawabannya, gue kasih hadiah ‘Semalam bersama Budi!!”

Pas lagi preaching,
“hayooo sapa yg bisa jawab, hadiahnya ‘Semalam bersama Budi!”

Pas lagi acara Family Fun Day,
“hayooo, sapa yg menang, dapet hadiah ‘Semalam bersama Budi!”

And as you guys expect, up until now ga ada yg mao claim hadiahnya. Hihihi

Pleasing to YOU

Sanctify me
Clean out my closet
Take away anything
That is not pleasing to You

Purify me
Destroy all my anger
Wash away everything
That is not pleasing to You

I will be white as snow
I will be pure as gold
Jesus my heart must know
I’m pleasing to You

I give my life my all
Taking the cross I will follow
Jesus my heart must know
I’m pleasing to You

Sanctify me
You are the light to guide me
To the place where I am
Only pleasing to You

Oh come and Purify me Lord
I need your light inside me
So the darkness flees
And I can be pleasing to You
-Desperation Band-