Guess what guess what!!

Gue ambil singing lesson loh. Kmaren ini my first class and ternyata tiap kelas selalu dinilai. And gue lumayan surprised juga dengan nilainya. Mao tau dapet brapa? hihihi. Keep on reading.

So, u think I fail or I pass? hihihi

Btw, gue itu ambil make up class. Semestinya kan gue kelasnya Sabtu pagi, but karena gue pindah profesi, dijadiin wedding singer ama ci Maria, gue harus attend our friends’ wedding on that morning. Ih beneran, can u imagine gue jadi wedding singer?!?!?! HAEuHAEUhAUEhAE.

And kita2 di music team emang diencourage to attend these classes. Cuma 11 minggu sih. So 8 of us joined this Christian music school. Diajarin abt worship juga. So its really2 cool. And kita semua disuruh ambil Beginner course, and can u believe that Ci maria juga ambil beginner??!?!?!?!?!? Wawawawawaw!! HAUEhaUEhAHEA OMG banget deh pokoknya!! Ci Maria tuh our worship pastor. Kalo dia nyanyi, bisa sampe menggetarkan jiwa raga dan roh banyak orang. Gue aja sampe terkapar2 kalo dengerin dia nyanyi. Nah bayangin, dia itu ambil beginner class?????? wkakakaka. Si Jeanne sempet ketar ketir juga karena sekelas ama ci Mar. HAEUhAUEhAUHEAE  Ci maria ambil yg beginner coz dia tuh ga pernah belajar teknik sama skali. Bayangin aja, ga pernah belajar teknik, udah bisa kayak gitu, apalagi kalo dia blajar man!!!!

So my make up class, gue ambil kelasnya bareng ci Maria and Jeanne. Asik bgt pas hari itu cuma kita bertiga doank with the teacher.

Sbelon kelasnya, kita ditanyain apa yg kita mao achieve in taking the lesson. Langsung gue jawab “I want more power!!! Like Ci Mar!!!” AHEuhAUEhAHEAE. Ih beneran, kan some people suaranya bagus, for example Vina and Chrisya tuh bagus amat gile. I love their voice bgt. But I dont want kayak gitu sih. Gue maonya kayak kebanyakan orang2 item yg uwwwooowwwww powerful bgt deh. Kalo perlu sampe bisa menggetarkan ceiling and roof.. wkwkwkkw.

So kita disuruh nyanyi ama teachernya, to see what our voices sound like. Abis gue nyanyi, dia comment “oh ur voice rather powerful. You still want some more power?”

LAH IYA LAH OF COZ!!! Tenkiu loh suara gue dibilang rather powerful. Soalnya gue ga kerasa begitu. And btw, nilai gue itu ternyata 68.8 .. lumayan lah pass hehehehe. Gue ga tau nilainya ci Mar brapa, mungkin kalo dia ga lagi flu, mungkin bisa 95.999999. Hehehehe.

Bagi kalian2 yg penasaran dengan suara ci Mar. Silakan didengerin nih cuplikan saat dia leading worship. Sorry kualitas recording tak begitu bagus, suara ci Maria jadi bletot-bletot dikit and gue cut a bit in the middle karena ada suara2 background yg ga enak. But dengerin sampe abis ya. Karena akhir2 nya ci Maria baru full blast.. hehehehe. Gile gue kalo dengerin dia nyanyi itu bener2 kayak bringing heaven to earth. HAUEhAUEhAUEH.

Lebih dari Nafasku – Maria Tamba

Tuhan!!!! Kapan gue bisa nyanyi kayak ci Maria!!!!
Dan Tuhan menjawab : 10 taon lagi….
Dan Holy Spirit ngomong: makanya jgn makan sambel terus…

Haiz

Btw, nyokap gue kan ada disini. And kmaren kita ngobrol gini..

Nyokap: Mama itu bingung sama kamu. Kamu nanti jadi missionari itu gimana pindah2 terus. Kan bisa sih kamu tinggal disini dan pelayanan disini aja?
Gue: Hmm, ya panggilan ku udah memang begitu sih ma. Tuhan udah bilang, kalo aku bakal ke negara sana negara sini.
Nyokap: Aduh nelly, nanti kalo kamu ketemu orang2 kayak Amrosi itu gmana???
Gue: Amrosi? Apa tuh (gue lupa2 inget, but i kinda remembered dia tuh bomber yg di indo, extremist itu lah)
Nyokap: Yg fanatik2 agama itu!! Nanti kalo kamu ketemu orang2 kayak gitu gimana??? Nanti bisa2 dibunuh!!
Gue: *ketawa doank*

HeuAHUEhAUEhuAE I found it cute aje. But, dont worry, mom. Mati buat Tuhan itu adalah sebuah keuntungan.

Gue pernah kepikir kayak gitu sih. Since my calling is misi, bukannya hal yg ga mungkin nanti gue bakal menghadapi hal2 yg berbahaya. Of coz, gue sbagai manusia ngerasa serem juga. Gmana kalo nanti para2 pembunuh mao bunuh anak2 gue kalo gue ga nyangkal Yesus gitu misalnya. Wakakkaka, jauh bgt ya mikirnya. Kalo diri gue sendiri dibunuh sih ga masalah, but kalo sampe mesti anak2 sendiri yg disiksa satu2, gmana man mesti ngeliat begituan. Kayak di pilem2 gitu. Wadah.. kejauhan ya mikirnya.. HAEUhAEUhAEae.

But anyway, gue juga pernah mikirin kalo gue disituasi dimana gue diujung pistol or tombak or kalo ga nyangkal Yesus, gue bakal ditusuk pake tusuk sate. Kayaknya sih ya secara manusia, gue gentar. Gue pernah tuh nanya gitu ama Tuhan.. and Tuhan kasih verse:

Matius 10:28

Dan janganlah kamu takut kepada mereka yang dapat membunuh tubuh, tetapi yang tidak berkuasa membunuh jiwa; takutlah terutama kepada Dia yang berkuasa membinasakan baik jiwa maupun tubuh di dalam neraka.

Itu yg jadi pegangan gue sih. Karena gue tau, maybe sbagai manusia gue ga sanggup ngadepinnya. But my spirit has received His spirit. Lagian gue mesti lebih takut ama Tuhan yg bisa menghancurkan jiwa, roh dan raga gue, daripada manusia yg cuma bisa menghancurkan tubuh. So verse itu selalu menjadi pegangan gue and what drives me buat lebih berani kalo menghadapi bahaya2 kayak gitu.

Btw, gue belon menghadapi yg bahaya2 gitu sih sampe skarang. So yah we’ll see.. hehehe. But I think, I might come to situations where my faith and love in Jesus will be aggresively challenged by people. Nanti gue blog ya kalo gue udah pindah2 negara gitu. Sapa tau pas lagi ditembak gitu, gue sempat ngetweet lewat twitter, gue nulis..

“oops, i was shot becoz I chose Jesus…”

Pas dying, gue tweet:
“dying..dying…dying..  Hey I see light!! Jesus is coming to get me!!”

Pas dah last breath, gue tweet:
“ok peeps, c u in Heaven”

Hehehe. How cool is that!!!

Anyways, Tuhan lagi doing so many great things. Yes, revival is coming. Banyak hal yg Tuhan bukain ttg kebenaranNya. Banyak hal2 yg terjadi that shows His mighty power. And gue ngerasa kalo kita ga build ourselves spiritually lebih lagi, kita bakal ketinggalan. And gue ga mao ketinggalan with what He is doing now. Emang kadang2 gue jadi bolong2 saat teduhnya skarang. Gue sempat merasa ke condemned sih, but Jesus said otherwise. He shows me love and love and love. Hehehe.

Lately, gue dibukain lagi ttg how deep His love for me. Gile, Jesus itu Tuhan yg paling romantis sedunia segalaxy sejagat!! Mana ada Tuhan laen yg mao mati buat gue coba!!! and made me free from all sins and bondages!!! Ya pokok e gitu deh!

Makanya gue pingin banget bisa nyanyi yg powerful bgt, sampe nembus ceiling, nembus atap, nembus ozone layer, dan terus sampe reach heaven. HuhUAHuAHaA. Maunya.

I wanna sing for Jesus!!! Tunggu yah Tuhan.. ga sampe 10 taon lagi kok suara gue bisa menggetarkan surga!! wkwkwkwkkwkwkkwk

Like as you guys know, adik gue udah disini. Hampir 90% bilang kalo kita tidak mirip. Si Charles and Jeanne ngeliat kita sambil amazed gitu kayaknya, karena sifatnya beda katanya.. hehehe. And banyak yg kaget kalo gue itu sebenernya punya adik cowo. Well, I have actually done a blog post ttg dia. Back in 2005. Baca aja disini.

Anyway, nama adik gue Denny, but nama rumah kita itu Nelot dan Denot… hehehe

Nah kmaren terjadi sesuatu yg so sweet bgt buat gue. Sehabis kerja, gue ngajak dia dinner kan. Alias mo kerumahnya (kita ga tinggal bareng), ngurusin dokumen2 dia skolah and then pergi dinner lah. So I called him..

Gue: Eh, denot. Aku ga usah kerumah mu skarang ya. Kita ketemuan aja dulu and langsung pergi dinner…
Denot: Hmm, cece kesini aja dulu.
Gue: Loh ga mao dinner?
Denot: Gak… pokoknya cece kesini dulu..
Gue: Dinner lah, aku laper nih. Kamu ga mao makan tah?
Denot: Gak, aku masih kenyang. Pokoknya cece kesini dulu yah!!
Gue: Ok ok..

Then pas nyampe Lucky Plaza, karena gue dah laper, gue beli take away Ayam Ricanya Resto Diles. Enak abis gile tuh makanan. Gue pikir ya gue makan dirumah Denot aje sambil ngurus2 dokumen dia.

Pas nyampe rumah dia, I’m so kaget karena…. dia udah masakin gue nasi goreng!!!

Udah gitu disusun rapi lagi dimeja makan. Segelas minum buat gue, segelas piring  buat gue, dll. Bener2 kayak family dinner gitu.

Ternyata dia nunggu gue pulang, masak and set up the table to eat bareng with me. Dia ga bilang kan kalo dia udah masak buat gue and did all that stuff.. huhuhuhu I’m sooooo touched u know!!!!! heheheheheheh

For 15 years, we were apart. Now we are redeeming the time that the Devil has stolen from us…

Gue tuh dah lama banget ga pernah makan bareng ama dia, like on the same table at home, kayak yg kmaren ini.

So yesterday when we sat down, having a very simple meal together, it felt nice…

Then.. then… selain itu, gue mao cerita kalo Tuhan kocak deh.

He has been using food to encourage me.. HAEuhAUEhAEaE… remember ‘the nasi pecel incident?’.  Yg ga tau, please baca here.

Nah ternyata almost the same case terjadi lagi last Sunday.

Scene: Gue, Kenan and Denot lagi di kantor gereja, duduk di sofa. Kita  abis  makan2, diundang oleh kebaktian 3 karena ada yg ultah. Agooze tiba2 duduk didepan kita and buka2 kantongan.

Gue: Apaan tuh?
Agooze: Ini gue dapet oleh2 dari si Maya (salah satu jemaat kebaktian 3 yg baru mudik Indo)  *sambil ngubek2 isi kantongan yg lumayan gede*
Agooze: Wahhhh… ada sambel!! Gile, banyak banget! Nel, loe mao???
Gue: HAH? Sambel??? MAOOOO!!! *mana pernah gue nolak dikasih sambel*
Agooze: *langsung taruh tuh sambel yg gede bungkusannya di depan gue alias buat gue gitu maksudnya*

Then…

Agooze: ehhh, ada brem!! *dia ngeluarin dua kotak*
Gue: HAH????? BREMMMM??? GILE!! Gue padahal beberapa minggu lalu ngomong ama diri sendiri ‘udah lama ya gue ga makan brem. Disini cari dimana coba, diindo aja susah nyari brem…’!! WAHHH!!!

Agooze: *cuma ngelirik senyum2 and langsung taruh tuh satu kotak brem diatas sambel yg  buat gue*

hAUEhAUEhAUEHUAEh gileeee, gue lumayan surprised juga bisa dapet BREM!!! Trakhir kali gue makan, mungkin 13-15 years ago kali!!! Kalian pasti ada yg ga tau apa itu BREM. Ini salah satu makanan enak tau. Si Kenan pas gue tawarin, tampang dia ga yakin gitu kalo Brem enak, so dia ga mao cobain. HAEuaUEhAUEA. Si Floren juga.

Dasar.

Emang modelnya aneh, kayak seonggok brick/kapur/cement. Ga tau lah, I can’t describe. Rasanya juga out of this world. I haven’t found any other food yg taste like brem.. kekekekke. Tape (pronounced: tapeh) mirip2 lah ya rasanya.

Eh sehabis gue nulis kata2 diatas, gue penasaran so gue google Brem. Ternyata emang terbuat dari Tape Ketan… hehehe.. no wonder.

Inilah Brem yg skarang nongkrong di kamar gue..

Enak loh!!! Kayaknya yg bukan orang Jawa ga tau deh ama makanan ini. Makanan sakti gue pas kecil.

Btw the point is, gue find this cute, karena gue kapan ari minta nasi pecel, eh ama Tuhan dikabulin secara ajaib. Kali ini saat gue pingin makan Brem, eh dikabulin lagi. Which is untuk mendapatkan Brem itu disini, it’s like impossible. HAEUhaUEhuaE.

Dan lucunya, dalam dua kejadian itu, gue lagi berdoa ttg bokap gue kan. Yg pertama, pas gue dapet nasi pecel nya, Tuhan was saying “See, your request yg sekecil itu aja Aku dengar, apalagi doamu for ur dad.” .

And akhir2 ini gue lagi berdoa lagi for my dad kan, becoz of something. And God is reminding me again lewat si Brem, letting me know that He hears me. He is reassuring me lewat makanan lagi nih.. HAuehaUEhaEA. Aduh Tuhan, I got ur point!!! Udah ga usah remind me lewat food lagi deh. Tambah ndut nih lama2… kekekekkeke

Bercanda lah Tuhan.. You can send me any food u want!!!! wkwkwkwkwkwkw

But seriously, saat gue dapet Brem itu, gue cuma bisa chuckled softly.. abis Tuhan ini kocak banget. He can be so unbelievably funny sometimes..

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“Sesungguhnya barang-siapa berkata kepada gunung ini: Beranjaklah dan tercampaklah ke dalam laut! ASAL TIDAK BIMBANG HATINYA, tetapi percaya, bahwa apa yang dikatakannya itu akan terjadi, maka hal itu akan terjadi baginya” – Mrk 11:23

Iman yg memindahkan gunung, Iman yg menggerakkan hati Tuhan, IMAN YG MENGALAHKAN DUNIA!!!! YEAHHHHHH!!!!

- Postingan yg ini diikut-sertakan dalam Writing Competition CIBFest 2009 -

WOW… must watch video!!!
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Isn’t it beautiful?

It’s one of my favourite verses…

For  I am God’s masterpiece. He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so I can do the good things he planned for me long ago. (Ephesians 2:10)

Btw gue suka ganti ayat2 yg gue dapet from ‘you’ or ‘we’ jadi ‘me’….

You should try to do that too hehehe

This is going to be a cool post…

I’m gonna put up my pictures from I was a baby till now.

Some will be funny, some will be sad. But all of them punya makna tersendiri…

Let’s start….

1.

Ditaon 1978, lahirlah seorang Nelly yg aslinya mo dinamain Elizabeth ama my nyokap. Hehehe.

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2.

That was me on the left. Yg laen adalah my cousins. Yg ditengah nama panggilannya Caca. Gue sangat2 deket ama mereka waktu masih kecil dan remaja. But when Caca in his teen, dia meninggal karena drug overdose. That was a tragedy in our big family. Everytime I look at this pic, I can only sigh.

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3.

Me and my bro. Minggu lalu, anak2 pada kaget saat tau that I have  a bro hehehe dikirain single fighter. Gue sangat2 suka pake baju pink di pic itu waktu gue kecil. I think gara2 gue ngerasa bajunya keren dan sexy, karena bahunya terbuka. HAUEhaUEhAUEHAUHEAE.. itu baru 3 SD udah ngerti sexy.. HAEUhaUEhAUEh parah…

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4.

Inilah tampang gue waktu SMP (i think). Jambulnya tinggi dikeriting, alisnya tuh OMG gue ga tahannnn!!! Pingin gue cabutin!!!! Btw that was my puppies…

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5.

Look at me!!! What an absolute disaster!!!! Udah wardrobe malfunction, tampang gue penuh jerawat!!! Oh man!! I can’t believe saat itu gue anggep baju gue keren!!! HAEuHAUEhAUEhAUEhuAHEaE OMG BUANGET!! Btw ini saat gue SMA selama 6 bulan doank, and this was when my SMA frens came to the airport buat nganterin gue yg terbang skolah ke Spore.

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6.

With my roommates pas ngekos di Spore, kira2 umur 17 an nih. Gue yg paling bawah loh. And I love my hair!!!! I wish I can cut kayak gitu lagi, tapi pipi gue dah tembem skaranggggg, ga cocokkkk!!!
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Then gue pindah ke Sydney buat ngelanjutin skolah.
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7.

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That was me giving the middle finger… . Iyeh dulu kan gue bandel banget, udah gitu gayanya cowo abis. Bajunya baggy2 gitu. Nah temen gue yg pake baju putih lagi ngetawain gue yg pose fotonya begitu. Dia anak gereja loh. Yg soleh bgt ke gereja katolik tiap minggunya. Makanya dia amused liat gue begitu. Hehehe.

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8.

Ini gue bad skin lagi, and gayanya masih kayak cowo. Jelek buanget gile. This pic is funny, karena saat ini gue naksir tuh cowo yg bertelanjang dada for 2 years!!! HAUEhAUEhAEAE. Dia ada twin bro. Pertama kali gue naksir ama adiknya. Trus karena dia sukanya ama temen gue, gue lama2 jadi naksir ama kokonya. Ini kapan2 gue ceritain karena kocak abis. Gue disuruh sodara gue untuk mengungkapkan isi hati gue kepada nih cowo, alias nembak. And beneran gue lakuin loh… HAUEhAUEhAUEh and hasilnya…. sangat2 perlu diblog in hAUEhAUEHuAHEaE, lucuuu abissssss… , but next time ceritanya ya…
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9.

Gue yg paling bawah lah, jadi feminin gitu ya? HAUEhAUEhUAHE  Btw, cowo yg pake jaket ijo, yg mirip banget ama bokap gue… ada ceritanya loh, dia sempat nembak and kasih gue tulip 12 biji ke gue sgala. Kekekeke… Kocak abis.  Baca disini deh.

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10.

Waktu ditaon 1999.  Knapa gue item2in salah satu muka cowo disitu? My 1st ex bf lah. And I want to protect his identity . He was actually the start of all things yg went bad in my life. Everytime I look at this pic, I can’t help wondering kalo gue ga involved with this guy, maybe my course of life would be different…
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11.

And this pic reminds me of when gue ran away from my Sydney home. Ga pulang for 3 days. Almost slept on the street… and this pic sebetulnya ada satu lagi, but it was submitted to the police so that they could look for me.

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12.

Lulu… . My bundle of joy, my only strength during those times. But she was beaten to death by my 1st ex.. and she was only 9 months old..  She died on my laps…
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13.

Abt 9 years ago nih. Gue yg disebelah kiri. This pic was taken, saat gue sudah lepas dari my ex bf. Lepas dengan susah payah.. hehe. You see, gue jadi so kurus gitu.. hehehehe

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14.

I love these guys! Saat gue menghadapi banyak masalah ttg my ex itu, they were there cheering me up. Maybe they dont know how much it means for me yah till now. I love this pic banget. Kita pegi ke Gold Coast, maen2 for a few days, bikin gue lupa with my pain and heartaches, instead they filled my days with laughters. One of them, the guy yg pake baju item, yg merangkul gue itu, literally saved my life.. , gue kalo liat pic ini bisa sampe mata berkaca2…

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15.

This pic was taken saat gue mao pegi clubbing hehe. Mulai dari sini, everything went downhill. Gue involved with the wrong crowds, guys, drugs, alcohol, smoking and hal2 laennya. Regarded as a wild party gal. Disinilah, julukan dancing queen emerged… HAUEhAUEhuAHEAE…

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16.

And in the middle of those dark days, I met these guys….

*ah mao nangis lagi gue*

They welcome me as one of their family. Accepting me for whoever I was, no judgement whatsoever. From them, gue jadi kenal ama yg namanya Jesus. And dijamah personally by Him.

Remember, bol? this was taken saat kita retret di Kangaroo Valley. My first retreat.

Gue yg gayanya paling keren lah. Namanya juga dancing queen. But I’m a retired dancing queen now.. hehehe..

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17.

Tiap kali gue liat pic ini, gue mao ketawa, karena gue dulu emang centillllll and genitttt!!!! Gue kalo maen drama slalu dapet peran yg genit, sampe dikenal ama senior pastor gue yg diSydney sbagai ’si pembantu genit’, coz she couldnt remember my name. Kalian2 yg di IFGF kan ga pernah pikir gue bisa kayak gitu hUAEHuAHEuAE, taunya juga ci Nelly galak. Ya itu lah gue dulu, keliatan kan roh centilnya. Tapi skarang roh itu sudah diteking dan tidak ada sisanya sama skali… AHEuhAEUhAUHEae HALELUYAH!!!

That pic was taken taon 2004, saat kita mao tampil drama di gereja, dan peran gue adalah penggoda kakek2 dan laki2. HAUEhAUEHUAHEAE.. Gue masih ada tuh VCDnya, kalian kalo liat pas ga nyangka that was me. Si Septi pas liat aja so amused karena gue beda banget ama yg disitu, alias gaya2 centil gitu.. hAUEhuaEHuAHEaE..

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18.

Then I moved back to Singapore and met the IFGF-ans!!!! Hehehe… Love them too!!! Here, I was totally healed and in the process of restoration..

Btw, gue yg paling cantik didepan yah…
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19.

Sometimes in June 2006…
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“Ci, ngomong2, cici umur brapa ya???”

*gubraks*

Since then, life would never be the same with you in the picture…

Sebagai penutup, below is a pic of me and my forever idol!!!
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20.

She doesn’t have to do anything to cheer me up, just by hugging her aja gue udah hepiiii!!!! My ultimate stress reliever… heh heh heh

Carin!!! *love love love*

I’m ur biggest fan okeh!!! Not Davin!!!!!

Weits keren tuh titlenya. Hehehe.

Gue so blessed and encouraged with what Ps. Handoyo shared di doa rabu kmaren, ttg the promise of God for our church and it ties in with my calling.

So Ps. Han bilang begini:
The promise of God for IFGF GISI Spore adalah gereja kita akan menjadi dampak buat bangsa2 di Spore dan sekitar Spore. Akan ada dari kita, pemimpin2 baru dari gereja kita yg dibangkitkan Tuhan dan dipakai untuk itu. And kira2 3-4 taon lagi, ini smua akan terjadi.

Wuih gue excited bangetttttt abis denger itu! Gue smakin ngerti knapa gue ama Tuhan ‘dipaksa’ masuk IFGF… hehehe. Ya emang seperti kalian tau, calling gue misi, and jauh sbelon Ps. Han ngomong yg diatas tadi, mentor gue dah bilang that gue bakalan diutus gereja kemana gitu nanti.

So calling gue sebenernya itu pergi ketempat2 yg butuh dibangun, meng-equip dan membangkitkan leader2. Ini smakin dikonfirmasi saat gue misi ke Batu Aji kmaren. Gue ngeliat didaerah2 yg kurang terjangkau itu, I reli see the need for them being taught kebenaran Firman. Ga kebetulan my ministry gift is a teacher. Gue suka banget teaching, tiap kali teaching kayaknya I feel so fulfilled

So that’s why I’m so excited. Tuhan mao bawa gue ke negara mana yaaaa next? hehehe. And it can be in another 3-4 years!!! Cepet loooohhh.

Zimbabwe? Bhutan? Bangkok? India? Tibet? Africa??????

HEuAHEUAHEuAEHUAEHAEAE. Seru ih gile.

Kalau Africa itu, dari kecil emang gue pingin kesana. Dulu sih sebelon kenal Tuhan, gue pingin kesananya karena mo maen2 ama lions, giraffes, etc etc kekekeke. But now, gue jadi somehow drawn to the people there.

Kalau Bhutan and Tibet, I love the place, I would love to visit it. And gue itu udah ga tertarik banget travelling buat jalan2 wisata doank. Maonya misiiiii!!!!

Gue jadi inget si Davin pas itu preaching and he asked the jemaat this question…
“What is your perfect holiday?”

And gue jawab instantly (and kenceng lagi) “Mission!”

Eh diketawain ama yg laen.

Charles and Davin seemed like kaget gitu kok my perfect holiday is mission. Emang aneh ya? Bagi gue yg paling asik for holiday is going mission. Gue malah ga abis pikir mereka kok malah amused with my answer.

My perfect holiday is going somewhere yg jauh dan unreached, getting to know the people there, getting involved in their lives and impart something to them. Itu baru meaningful abis as I’m gonna leave the place feeling fully satisfisfied.

Trus, mao tau my perfect honeymoon?

Gue bayanginnya, honeymoon ke jungle di Papua Nugini sana (kampungnya Rio yah? hahaha..) , reach out to the tribes there, makan bareng mereka, tinggal bareng mereka, hunting bareng mereka AHUEaUEhAUHEAE. Kalo perlu yg nyerempet2 bahaya dikit. In my mind, gue ada image, lagi honeymoon gitu tapi gue bawa2 tombak masuk2 jungle. Trus abis pulang mission, mampir ke Bali buat spa dan pijet2. Asik gile.

Nah kalo Bangkok, gue somehow drawn to that place juga karena of the night life there. Karena salah satu area calling gue itu adalah kekudusan.

Then… waktu gue pulang dari Muar, sehabis attend Jonathan David’s conference. (Dia ini an apostle and a prophet) Gue ngimpiin dia. In that dream, si Jonathan David ini, ngomong ke gue didalam suatu meeting and he suddenly gave me a nation!!! He suruh gue kesana to start something. A nation yg ga pernah lewat dipikiran gue sama skali. Sampe gue kaget, karena gue ga punya koneksi apa2 ama tempat itu. And I have to start something there, he said.

Itu tempet di Africa sih. HEUhAUEhaUHEAE. So yeah, we’ll see. Apakah benar mimpinya prophetic, kita bakal tau in maybe 10-20 years time.

Yg gue rasain sih, Africa masih lama. Karena gue masih ditrain yg deket2 Spore dulu.

Eh iya India!!! Knapa gue kebeban kesana? Pertama kali sih, mentor nubuatin gue that He will send me to places that I dont like. First thing that I had in mind is India! HAEUhaUEhaUEhaE I heard a lot of bad stories from there. Kotor lah apa lah. Pokoknya unpleasant semua ceritanya. Terutama dari temen2 kerja gue yg dikirim kesana for bisnis trip, ada yg sampe ga mao keluar hotelnya for 3 days sangking bau banget India ini.

Then I started to pay more attention to India kalo ada news2 ttg dia gitu. And lama2 gue sangat2 touched ngeliat kehidupan mereka disana. Gue suka banget ngeliat documentaries ttg the people there. And ga tau knapa, somehow, I know that one day Tuhan bakal kirim gue kesana. Liat aja deh nanti, bener ga hehehe.

Ah gue excited bgt lah kalo ngomongin soal misi.

Waktu akhir taon lalu, gue sempet ngobrol2 ama Ps. Daniel Hanafi (my papa mission hehe). This guy bener2 my role model. To do missions like what he does itu bener2 butuh pengurapan Tuhan yg luar biasa. Gue jadi kenal ama dia from Summer Mission 2007. Trus pas waktu Christmas taon lalu dia ke Spore preaching in our church, dia masih inget my name and he gave me a big hug too! Wah so touched loh gue.   Thats why I call him my papa mission. Gue tuh terharu sampe menitikkan air mata kalo denger dia share abt his missions. Pingin banget bisa begitu! Pas dia ke Africa, pernah ada kejadian dimana dia preaching,  ada bom dan suara2 senapan dideket dia tapi dia ga stop. Many times he faced death in his mission trips. Kalau bukan Tuhan yg empower him, mana mungkin manusia bisa sampe berbuat sejauh itu. I’m very inspired by him lah. Sampe kmaren ini gue minta didoain ama dia for impartation. HAEUhAUEhAUEhaUHE

And he also said to me this…
“Banyak orang yg suka pergi misi, mao jadi missionaries, karena mereka sangat ter-encouraged to see people yg didesa2 gitu gampang banget terima Tuhan. Since they realize untuk melakukan itu dicity lebih susah. Itu menjadi their main purpose. I don’t want u to be a missionary yg seperti itu. Make sure u reli know what ur purpose is.”

Wah kata2 yg sangat mengena skali buat gue. Menjadi mandate for me. Hehehe. Gue ga pernah kepikir sampe kesana. Gue berusaha cek hati gue and motivasi gue for mission, gue coba2 cari reasonnya, the very purpose knapa gue in mission. And I dont find that reason ‘karena di desa itu gampang evangelismnya’ in my heart. Yg gue temuin malah, I see the need of people there yg butuh di equip, yg butuh di rise up. Yg butuh diajar jadi prajurit2 Tuhan yg tegar hehehe. That’s where I come in as a teacher . Yg gue liat, gue bakal pergi ke satu tempat, build that place for a few years, rising up leaders yg mantap dalam Tuhan, then I’ll move to another place. Ah seru yah!!!  *btw pusing juga kalo mao bawa Golden Retriever kmana2*

And gue promise ke kalian2 para pembaca ku yg setia. Gue bakal tetep update blog ini meskipun gue udah tinggal di negara2 dimana gue ditempatkan buat misi. Hehehehe. Wouldn’t it be cool yah, ntar gue ngeblog dari India, Bhutan, Bangkok, wherever la. I’ll try my best to find Internet connection disana hihihi.

Gue jadi inget ama apa yg Silvi bilang ke gue waktu kita misi ke Batu Aji…
“Ci, I’m very blessed by you. Cici leadershipnya keliatan banget, you know what u are doing. I can see that you are walking in your calling…”

Wah gue sangat2 blessed bgt by her words. Orang lain bisa ngeliat the difference in us saat kita walking in our calling. And that blessed her banget, inspired her bgt to pursue her calling too. Bagus lah. And also that is the best feeling in the world!!! Doing what God has called us to do…

Yah anyway, Tuhan is bombarding me with a lot of encouragements nih. Kmaren sempet down a bit gara2 the ‘problem’ mentioned in the last postings, tapi I’m very much encouranged saat denger Ps. Handoyo sharing abt the promise of God for our church.

I know God is preparing me for nations. Kmaren ini saat gue down a bit, gue shake it off and langsung ngerasa excited lagi tiap kali inget “Tuhan akan kasih aku bangsa2″… WAHHHHH langsung smangat lagi deh!!! And kalo gue kena masalah ini aja udah goncang, gmana gue bisa handle nations nantinya?!?!?! *seperti kata ko Joseph* hehehe. Yah ini bener2 encouragement for me sih to keep focusing on Him, no matter what happened, my destiny ilahi akan tetap digenapi ama Dia.

That’s His promise.

Ok. I’m back on my feet now and going stronger… Makasih ama Tuhan udah dikuatin terus menerus.

So what’s new?
Banyak.

Tapi belon waktunya untuk diceritakan. Hehehe. But I have already shared some stuff di doa rabu kemaren. Makanya seringlah datang ke doa rabu kalo mao mendengar sharing2. Hehehe. Kadang2 gue itu bingung mo sharing apa di pukat/doa rabu, coz biasanya gue udah tulis di blog, jadi pas rabu prayer pas diminta kesaksian or whatever, gue nya bingung karena kan kadang2 ampir 70% yg biasanya dateng ke doa/pukat itu baca blog gue.. hehehe Kan males ngulang2.

Btw gue dikuatin banget ama artikel dari Rio, tenkiu banget man. Sampe gue print, gue tempel di journal gue, gue add my own notes and write down the verses yg smakin nguatin the promise of God for me. Sampe gue taruh di Facebook Note and tag some people. Sampe gue kirim ke email mereka2 yg hadir doa rabu kmaren. Gue ga tau dibaca apa ga, abis panjang buanget. But I dont care, pokoknya kirim aja. HAUEhAUEhAUEhAE

Yang paling asik sih waktu hari Senin, sehabis gue dapet artikel itu. Waktu hari Senin paginya, emang gue digoncangkan abis2an becoz of something. Sampe gue gemeteran sangking mo marah/sedih/kecewa/ etc etc lah whatever. Nah trus gue dapet tuh artikel, gue jadi jauuh lebih tenang and apalagi pas retret, Ps. Rajan nubuatin gue yg “dont be disturbed” itu. Gue terus perkatakan kata2 itu sambil ngelus2 dada yg ga bisa dipungkirin sempet panas. Ga tau beberapa kali gue did that, but it works until now. So kalo kalian liat gue tiba2 taruh tangan di dada, sambil komat kamit doa, berarti gue lagi berusaha mendinginkan ‘kepanasan’ gue. And please do not disturb but instead, beliin gue lunch/dinner secara gratis. Pasti panasnya turun drastis.

Then then… kan di artikel itu ditulis, “I’m gonna assign u to night watch..”. Trus gue nanya Tuhan, maksudnya apa tuh night watch and He reminded me of Isaiah 62. Buka sendiri ya di Bible. So sebenernya, night watch = doa.

So senin malem, tiba2 gue kebangun in the middle of the night. And gue jadi keinget ama kata2 night watch itu. He said that He is going to rise me up in the middle of the night to pray. Pas gue kebangun, gue cuma ngomong, “eh Tuhan, night watch ya?”, then bobo lagi. Trus dibangunin lagi untuk kedua kalinya, and I said again “eh Tuhan, night watch?” trus bobo lagi. Sampe tiga kali gue dibangunin tapi tetep aja bobo lagi. HAuehAEUhAUEhAUEH dasar.

Trus paginya gue bangun and gue keinget what happened the night before. And gue smakin yakin yg dimaksud Tuhan night watch itu gue emang harus doa pas dibangunin malem2 itu. So I said to God “ok Tuhan, sorry kmaren gue bandel, sampe dibangunin tiga kaliiiiii cobaaaa tapi tetep aja bobo lagi. Tonight bangunin gue lagi ya buat night watch”…

And beneran malemnya,  in the middle of the night, gue dibangunin tiba2. Gue udah mo bobo lagi tuh, tapi keinget ama omongan gue, so gue nuruttttttt, doa aja deh. So gue doain lah the things and claiming all the promises and declaring His Words. Abis gitu gue tidur and beneran ga diganggu lagi, alias tidur dengan pulas. Hehehe.

Trus Rabu malem, alias kmaren, sebelom bobo gue bilang ama Tuhan “wah Tuhan ntar gue disuruh night watch lagi ya? Jgn donk Tuhan, gue mo bobo nih.” But then gue jadi ngerasa dodol sendiri, kok malah nolak what He wants me to do. Kan harus obey. So yeah gue pasrah aje pas mo bobo. And ternyata beneran kmaren jam 4 pagi gue dibangunin and disuruh doa lagi. AHEuAHEuAHEuHEuAEh.. puas deh 3 malem berturut2 disuruh begitu terus, but the thing is gue ga ngantuk loh pas dikerjaan. Malah gue jadi lebih alert throughout the whole 3 days.

What I get is, memang Tuhan suruh gue bangun dan doa in the middle of the night, to rise up my spirit and to see my obedience. Karena ya emang gue lagi dishake abis2an. To face all that, gue butuh spirit gue to be alert at all time. Jadi kalo ada hal2 yg berusaha menggoncangkan, gue udah put on my defence.

Kan Tuhan emang suruh gue to defend my hope in His promises for me. Yg kmaren malem dibangunin itu, pas lagi doa, gue dapetin that the Enemy is trying to take away my destiny ilahi, not just mine tapi juga milik some other people. So, thats why Tuhan suruh gue rise up and put on my armor.

The enemy is assaulting me here and there, smakin intense, that means he knows that I’m nearing the Promised Land, so thats why dia smakin mengobrak-ngabrik banyak hal. But yah itu, like I said, I have no doubt that God is with me, and who can be against me? So bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But gue ngak nyangkal that sometimes gue masih diserang juga oleh doubt, anger, bitterness, worry etc etc. Tapi makasih ama Tuhan banget karena Dia selalu kasih gue kekuatan lewat Firman2Nya. Amazing loh, how the enemy tried to attack me, he has been trying different strategies.

Pertama, self-pity. When I received the news in Monday morning, yes I did cry a bit because of that, felt crushed etc etc, pitying myself and stuff. But I tried to make my spirit bangkit. Pas nyampe rumah selesai pulang kantor, I was actually thinking of spending my time with God, and I was expecting gue bakal nangis2 curhat, melepaskan sakit hati di dada etc etc whatever la. But instead, gue malah ga begitu tuh. Malah focus baca Bible and malah bantuin salah satu anak youth yg perlu diselesaiin dilemanya. Ga nangis2 sedih gitu la, sok self pity, which I would probably do biasanya kalo ngadepin beginian.

So I have learned to refuse breaking down. Gue selalu inget preachingnya dearest Pastor Charles Peh yg mengatakan “when u face problems, u either break down or breakthru” .

I dont believe in breaking down, I believe in breakthru, so that’s why we are called The Breakthru Believers!!!!! HAUEAUEAUEHaEAE.. *keren amit bahasanya coy*

Then when the enemy knew that his strategy of self pity wasnt working, he used another one which is bitterness. Wow man, how I was so angry pokoknya, sampe sesek napas. But Senin malem itu juga gue dikasih verse ama Tuhan yaitu:

2 Corinthians 2:5-11

Forgiveness for the Sinner

I am not overstating it when I say that the man who caused all the trouble hurt all of you more than he hurt me. Most of you opposed him, and that was punishment enough. Now, however, it is time to forgive and comfort him. Otherwise he may be overcome by discouragement. So I urge you now to reaffirm your love for him.

I wrote to you as I did to test you and see if you would fully comply with my instructions. When you forgive this man, I forgive him, too. And when I forgive whatever needs to be forgiven, I do so with Christ’s authority for your benefit, so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.

So yeah, that made me realized that ini salah satu strategy from the enemy. So each time gue mao marah, gue taruh tangan didada and menyebut mantra diatas. HAEuhAEUhAUEhAE

Then, the enemy knew bitterness wasnt working. The third time, he made me simpati and ngerasa kasian at the orang2 yg bersangkutan. Sampe there was one point gue rela let go of His promises karena gue kasian ama mereka. Gue ngerasa sedihhhhh banget karena mereka harus ngalamin ini semua. Sampe gue ngomong ke Tuhan, udah la Tuhan, it doesnt matter if Your promise and Your plan ga happen, my heart ga tahan juga ngeliat mereka harus ngalamin begini.

But thennnnnn!!! Tiba2 gue disadarin kalo this is another strategy from the enemy. Coz I know and I know and I know (the image of Jeanne jumping to this song suddenly appears in my mind kekekeke . Sorry, interlude bentar….), I know that His plan is always for the best. And the enemy tried to make me sacrifice that best plan for something that is only good keliatannya skarang. Karena gue kasian.

Ya begitulah. Maybe all these ramblings ga make sense for u all HAEUhaUEhuehAE. Karena gue ga rencana sama skali nulis and cerita sebanyak ini ttg the strategy of the enemy. But skarang gue udah ok banget, dikuatin banget ama doa rabu kmaren and doa night watch kmaren malem hehehe. And gue harus terus berjaga2.

Gue tau smua ini terjadi karena sebentar lagi gue menuai janji Tuhan. Tunggu aja tanggal maennya.

Stay close by My side
Keep your eyes on Me
Though this life is hard
I will give you perfect peace

In this time of trial
Pain that no one sees
Trust me when I say I will give you perfect peace
and you’ll never walk alone
and you’ll never be in need

Though I may not calm the storms around you
you can hide in Me

Burdens that you bear offer no relief
let Me bear your load cause i will give you perfect peace
Stay close by My side and youll never walk alone
keep your eyes on Me and you will never be in need
Though this life is hard know that I will always give you perfect peace
I will give you perfect peace
- Perfect Peace by Laura Story

During breakthrough worship di retreat, He said…
“Remember that exact moment where I enclosed you under My wings? That is when I’m the closest to you.”

Pastor Rajaan’s prayer for me:
“Don’t be disturbed… don’t be disturbed… don’t be disturbed. Receive the peace that God is giving you right now. His promises are faithful. Things that are hanging, He will settle it for you. He will finish it.”

At this very moment, lagi banyak storms yg around me. Trying to break me down.. trying to beat me down. Strong blow after strong blow. But I praise God for speaking through Ps. Rajaan. Even the preaching yg dikasih Ps. Rajaan, yaitu Joshua 1, I got that 2 days before we went retreat. Each time the strong wind blows against me, I hold fast to what God said thru him, that is ‘Don’t be disturbed,.. He will finish it.’

At this very moment, things are happening. Things which are beyond my control. Things that will shape my destiny. The cup will shatter or will it be true? Perasaan gue lagi berkecamuk sebetulnya, but somehow I feel relieved that all this will be over soon.

Yes… He will finish it!!!!!! I hold fast to your promises, Lord!!!

My God is big, so great so mighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—————————–

-you can hide in Me-

Kmaren minggu di gereja pas praise and worship, gue nyanyi solo loh!!!! Dua baris doank sih tapi ya sama aja nervousnya ga karu2an.

Ceritanya pas hari sabtu kan kita latian. Nah pas mao nyanyi lagu ‘Your presence is all that I want’, tiba2 ci Maria nunjuk gue and said “ok nelly, kamu coba nyanyi sendiri.” . Gue kirain dia bercanda, eh ternyata serius. Aduh gila gue nervous buangettttt, sampe badan gue puanas dingin!! Jadi yg kuar pas itu suaranya ga karu2an juga. Mencong2.. kekekekke.

Setelah latian beberapa kali,…

Gue: Ci, emang besok dikebaktian gue beneran bakal nyanyi solo, ci?????
Ci Mar: Maybe… kita liat aja gmana..

*phew*, gue lega dikit karena kemungkinan ga jadi…

Setelah practice selesai, sebelon ditutup ama doa, ci Maria said..
” Nelly, besok kamu waktu nyanyi, etc etc….”

*Lohhhhhhh.. jadi taaaa???*

10 mins later,

Gue: Ciiiii, besok beneran nih gue nyanyi solo?????
Ci mar: Iyah…

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Gue pas pulang dirumah itu nervous abis. Mending kalo nyanyi solonya with full band. Ada drum and bass gitu yg bisa nutupin suara gue. Nah ini nyanyinya diiringin ama keyboard doaaaankkkkk!!! Suara gue pasti terdengar dengan jelas!!! WAWAWAWAWA. Gimana ga panik gue!!! Sampe gue harus ingetin diri sendiri terus.. come on Nelly, ini cuma dua baris!!!! HAUEhAUEhaUEhAE.. nervousnya kayak bakal nyanyi solo for the whole song aja.

Abis gue nyanyi solo dua baris gitu, gue diiringin ama si Eugene. Jadi cuma berdua doank nyanyi for the entire song until kita repeat the song baru smuanya ikut nyanyi. But yah sama aja DEG2AN!!!!

Then pas minggu paginya, gue bangun.. and it went like this…

*Alarm berbunyi*
Gue (kucek2 mata): Huaammm, udah jam brapa nih? Loh jam 8????? Oh no!!! Gue telat kerja lagi!!!!

Then gue cepet2 kekamar mandi etc etc. In the middle of it, baru nyadar. Eh hari ini kan Minggu!!!! and hari ini gue nyanyi solo!!!!! *panic lagi* . Sangking panicnya, beneran gue pingin kabur aja. Pingin telpon Jeanne and said “eh loe bisa gantiin gue ga nyanyi ntar? Gue sakit perut nih”. AHuAHuAHuAHa

Then kepikir lagi, if only gue saat ini, pas lagi ke wc and somehow pintu kamar gue kekunci dari luar, jadi gue ceritanya pasti telat kegereja kan and ga bisa nyanyi!!!! Karena gue mesti nunggu tukang kunci dateng!!  HAEUhAUEhaUEhAE. But then I laughed at myself. Come on, ini cuma nyanyi dua baris aja udah chickened out, gmana gue mao jadi missionaris coba. Hehehehe.. Maklum lah, pertama kali gue disuruh begitu gitu loh.

Pas nyampe gereja, gue masih nyantai2 aja, karena gue mikir yah masih lama kok. Eh ternyata si Budi abis gitu pengumuman ke anak2 kalo gue bakal nyanyi solo!!! Walahhhh!!! Anak2 jadi rame2 sendiri, nyemangatin gue. Nambah2in pressure aja!!

Pas praise and worship, gue liat tuh music sheet didepan gue, tenang aja masih ada 5 lagu then baru lagu gue. Sampe lama2 mendekati lagu gue, gue smakin lemesssss. Kaki gue lemes loh beneran… kekekekeke. Trus akhirnya udah lah gue serahin ke Tuhan semua!!!!  Gue nyanyi solo deh… untung si Budi and Eugene bantu gue nyanyi disebelah, meskipun tanpa mike. Jadi gue ga ngerasa sendirian But gile, nervewrecking abis ih nyanyi solo itu!!! Kalo dikaraoke sih gue demen, karena terserah gue mao gmana suaranya. Mao teriak2 kek, mao fales kek, emang gue pikirin. Wong gue bayar kok.. HAEuhAEUhaEe

Btw, gue demen bgt lah ama suara ci Mar. Tipe2 suaranya kayak Kelly Clarkson gitu, yg sangat2 powerful tapi luebihhhh kerennn!!! Gue kalo denger ci Maria nyanyi itu selalu bikin gue merinding.

Ci Mar: Suara kamu itu mestinya bagus, tapi kamu ga berani kuarin. And somehow suara kamu itu kalo nyanyi beda loh ama suara kamu kalo ngomong. Kok bisa ya? Cici baru pertama kali ini ketemu yg kayak gitu.
Ko Jo: Nah itu makanya Nelly berbeda dari yg lain. Bisa kayak Mariah Carey ntar.
Gue: Wah gue ga mao kooo, Mariah Carey!!!! Gue maonya kayak Ci Maria aja!!!! Mariah Carey mah ga ada annointingnya!!!

Hehehehe. Beneran gue mao bisa nyanyi kayak Ci Mar!!!!! Waktu kmaren kita pegi Muar, gue kan skamar ama dia. Biasanya kalo dirumah, setiap pagi saat gue ngeringin rambut, siap2, dandan etc etc, gue selalu pasang lagu. Nah waktu di Muar, asik banget man. Gue lagi ngeringin rambut gitu, gue denger ci Maria nyanyi sambil mandi. Wahhhhhh bener2 kayak dengerin CD!!!! Bener2 pagi yg indahhhhh bgt saat itu! Kekekekekeke.

Berbahagialah para suami2 yg mempunyai istri yg bersuara indah. Lucky you, Sam!!!! *btw gue juga ngefans ama suara Vina*

Hmm, sebetulnya ga kebetulan sih Tuhan appoint Ci Mar as my mentor. Ceritanya juga amazing how God did it.

It was back in late 2005, saat gue baru aja dateng ke Spore untuk mengadu nasip. After being in IFGF Spore for a few months, gue minta Tuhan for a mentor. Tapi gue juga ga yakin apa udah saatnya for me to have one, karena waktu di Sydney itu, gue ada sih satu cici yg gue anggep sbagai mentor. Dia the one yg listened to me and supported me. Lucunya dia malah nangis pas gue ceritain ttg masa lalu gue. Yah I guess karena satu cici ini a very2 gentle lady with a soft heart.. hehehe. But anyway, gue malah jadi bergantung ama dia. Saat gue sedih, gue lari ke dia. Dia doain gue, then gue ngerasa baikan. And that happened many times seperti itu. It was like a cycle. So yah sepertinya gue jadi pake that cici as a pelarian.

Nah pas di Spore, makanya gue doa ke Tuhan, kalo memang udah saatnya gue punya a mentor. Let God himself yg bilang. So gue doa that my mentor is Ci maria. Kalo bener ya biar dia sendiri yg approach gue. Gue pray that for a few weeks. And one day, tiba2 Ko Jo and Ci Mar ngadain pukat dirumah kita. And gue saat itu udah pingiiiiin banget approach ci Mar and nanyain if she can be my mentor. But I wanna stick to the promise I made with God, yaitu kalo emang ini dari Tuhan, biar ci Mar sendiri yg approach me. So malam itu, gue itu menahan diri supaya ga datengin ci Maria, so gue masuk kamar. Didalam kamar gue denger yg diluar udah mao pulang, saling said gudbyes. Salah satunya suara ci Mar, so I said to myself, yah ci Mar dah pegi tuh… Eh tiba2, ci Mar ketok2 kamar gue and after gue buka, she said to me,.. “Nel, u are welcome to call me anytime ya. If u wanna talk or anything, i’m available for u…”

Wah gileeee gue kaget bangettttttt pas dia bilang gitu. Then…

Gue: Loh hahahaha. Padahal gue emang lagi doain cici to approach me sih. Emang cici dapet apa dari Tuhan???
Ci Mar: Cici merasa that sebentar lagi Tuhan akan bakal bukain banyak hal buat kamu. Tuhan mao melakukan sesuatu dalam kamu.

So… that was the starting point of our relationship, mentor and mentee sejak taon 2005. Hehehe.

But I’ve been very very blessed yah. When I shared to people, kalo gue ini baru bertobat taon 2003, ada beberapa yg amazed. Some of them nanya:

“kok cici bisa jadi leader, bisa begini begitu dalam Tuhan, bisa dalem spiritualnya etc etc padahal kan cici baru?”

When I think about that, salah satunya reasonnya sih becoz I’m being mentored. Pernah taon 2006, saat gue sick of everything that happening around me. Gue udah cape and rasanya mao give up aja. I almost reached rock bottom saat itu. Gue ga kasih tau sapa2 and terpuruk dalam ke-emo-an gue sendiri. I tried to run away from people and even ci Mar, but she sensed that and langsung samperin gue. When I shared to her, she gave me a wake up call sih. I couldnt really remember what she said, but from that moment on, gue bangkit.

So I believe salah satunya gue bisa maju terus karena gue di mentor. Becoz a mentor will direct your path, saat kita melenceng2. And it’s true my mentor played a big part of me discovering my calling. Saat gue males begini begitu, gue dichallenge malah harus rise to the occasion. For example: nyanyi tadi. Kalo nurutin gue sih, gue ogahhhhh bgt nyanyi solo!!!! But karena gue udah make a decision to obey my mentor, ya gue jalanin aja. Hehehe.

So the moral of the story is:
Carilah mentor!!!!!!

Having a mentor and being a mentor itu asik loh. Gue jadi accountable to my mentor and also to the ones I mentor. Ga sembarangan gitu lah. Kadang2 kita kan mao2nya sendiri. Ga boleh itu. Karena nantinya kita jadi melenceng2 and miss our calling. Percuma that we know our calling but we are never being built for it. Ya sama aja boong.

Soooo.. sepertinya, bakal ada lebih banyak moment gue disuruh nyanyi solo ama ci Maria. HAEuhAUEhAUEhAUEHAE OH NOOO!!! *ampun2 deh gue!!*

Knapa judul posting kali ini ‘Suara aluminium ku’? Karena suara gue masih belon suara emas. Tunggu aja 10 taon lagi. Haleluyah!

Yah I know I have to update this blog…

Baru juga ga update selama semingguan, udah ada beberapa yg nanyain.

Johan: (yg tiba2 muncul di msn just to say….) ci, update blog donk

Jafeto: update blog donk, almost everyday I come to ur blog, but there is no new post..

Septi: Nel!! Tulis blog donk!! Gue tuh sampe satu hari bisa bolak balik ke blog loe buat ngecek, tapi kok ga diupdate2!

Jo: (lagi ngomongin soal hal laen, but tiba2 ngomong ke gue…) ditunggu ya ci updatenya…

Wah,  segitu rindunya kah kalian pada tulisanku? hua..hua.. hua.. *terharu cing*

Btw, kmaren pas makan after church, ada anak baru yg dateng dari Texas kenalan ama gue and nanya:

“Nelly, kamu disini kerja atau MASIH SEKOLAH?”

hAUEhUAEHUAEHUAEHuAEHuAEHAUEhAUE senengnya bukan maen gue ditanyain itu. Gue dikirain masih sekolah oi!!!!!!! Terima Kasih Tuhan tampang gue ternyata masih imut!!!!!!! *cuit cuit*

Anywayyyyyy…  gue sempet writer’s blogger’s block sih for the last few days. Ga tau mau nulis apa, mao nulis yg lucu2, ga muncul sama skali topik yg lucu. I think karena banyak hal yg terjadi ama gue yg ga begitu lucu

So, gue kasih points2 aja deh what had been happening.

1. Minggu lalu ke Muar, ikut conferencenya Jonathan David. A prophet and an apostle.
Luar biasa pokoknya.

2. Kamis kmaren, gue bener2 overwhelmed with hatred, becoz of something that happened lah ya. I was so crushed. Hati gue sesakkkkk banget pokoknya. Sampe gue couldn’t stand it anymore. And I know God was not pleased with that kind of feeling. Ya pokoknya gue maraaaaaahhhh banget. So gue berusaha bersih2 hati for the next few days.

And I felt a bit condemned knapa kok gue ngerasa hatred yg luar biasa seperti itu. Gue cried out terus ke Tuhan, asking Him to help me not to hate. I know that hate came out becoz hati gue hurt so much gitu. And I felt ga sepatutnya gue ngerasa hurt, ngerasa bitterness etc etc, karena gue anak Tuhan kan. Pas gue doa apa segala, I couldnt get rid of that bitterness. But the only thing is, gue tau I just need Him to heal me. So that’s why kmaren2 ini gue retreated back under His wings. Manusia can’t do anything to mend my crushed heart. Only He can.

And then hari itu gue baca devotional yg kena banget buat gue. Disitu ditulis, si Paul, the apostle, wrote this saat dia di prosecute, di betray, di torture.. “None of these things move me”.

He didn’t write “None of these things hurt me..”.

Well, Paul was hurt too and … God was saying to me, it is okay to feel hurt. I’m just human after all. Saat kita jadi anak Tuhan, it doesn’t mean that we will be a superhuman, won’t feel hurt, won’t feel anger, won’t be emotional sometimes.

And kmaren Ko Joseph preaching juga bisa pas banget. Dia tiba2 altar call and ask people who felt any strong emotions, like hatred to come up to the front. Gue kaget juga. Kok bisa pas. But the good thing is gue udah kasih my feeling of bitterness ke Tuhan. Biar Tuhan yg take care. The only thing that I can do now ya cuma retreated back under His wings, where I feel secure and safe. To mend everything back to normal. Until that time comes ya gue stay still aja dibawah sayapNya. Ga ngapa2in. To face the source of bitterness aja gue masih belon bisa, karena gue masih in the process of healing. And gue udah serahin semuanya ke Dia. Biar Tuhan yg take care lah. Gue mao liat mukjijat Tuhan, so I stay still.

Trus abis service kmaren, tiba2 Ko Joseph nanya gue, how is everything. Ya gue cerita lah what happened and that the altar call bisa pas banget ama yg gue rasain. And he said this.. “you have the right to feel that way… u are still human after all.”

Wah gue legaaaaaa banget pas denger dia ngomong gitu. Jadi plong gitu. And he also said.. “but what make u different is that eventhough u feel that way, u have the kingdom of God living in you, so you are not being governed by ur hatred and bitterness..”

Wahhh, plong banget lah rasanya hati gue pas denger itu. Karena yes, gue crushed becoz of someone else’s perbuatan, and karena gue human and masih ada emotion, gue reacted in bitterness, anger and hatred. And it’s not my fault gue bisa merasa begitu karena ya emang karena perbuatan orang lain. But then, my life is not controlled by it, tapi gue bisa kasih all those negative feelings to God. And He is mending my heart again….

From this I learn that things can happen to us, ugly things, things that people do to you, ga sengaja or sengaja. And us being human, it’s normal to react. Gue sempet kerasa ke condemn kenapa kok gue sebagai anak Tuhan ngerasa hatred. Kan ga boleh begitu. Apalagi sebagai pendoa syafaat, gimana mao berdoa kalo dihati gue ada hatred gitu. So that’s why I felt a bit condemned. But Tuhan said, it’s ok to feel hurt. But I know gue harus kasih all the negative feelings back to Him, minta Tuhan bantuin buat bersih2 hati.

And skarang sih gue udah half pulih. Udah ga kerasa tertekan lagi, but reli2 udah let it go. Biar Tuhan yg bekerja lah. Knapa gue bilang half? Karena gue masih ga bisa ngadepin the source of that bitterness… hehehe. But I believe ntar juga Tuhan pulihin seluruhnya. Skarang lagi proses aje.

So yeah all is good.

3. Gue lagi berusaha mempertahankan hasil diet!!!

Seneng banget karena banyak orang yg bilang ke gue kalimat favorit dibawah ini..

“Kamu kurusan yaaaa?????”

Hhehehehehe… Gue jadi rajin nimbang tiap hari nih. Kmaren ini pas gue terpaksa makan Mc Donald, gue ngerasa a bit guilty. So malemnya gue lari-ditempat dikamar gue selama 30 menit hehehe. Sambil membayangkan fat2 nya dibakar, ih jadi semangat loh. Malah lebih enak lari2 dikamar sendiri, daripada buang2 duit ke gym or lari2 diluar panas. Dikamar kan ada AC and bisa sambil nonton tipi.

4. IYAH GUE UDAH NONTON MARLEY AND ME!!!!

ADUHHH FOR THE WHOLE MOVIE GUE CUMA BISA KAING-KAING KE TUHAN (bolak balik teriak2 *LORD I WANT A DOG!!!!*)

Golden retriever lah ya…

And gue nangis banjir sih pas akhir2nya hehehehe. Gue padahal dah tau akhir ceritanya, karena gue emang punya bukunya udah lama, tapi ga selesai bacanya. Tapi tetep aja gue banjir tuh. Ih beneran deh, gue pingin punya goldennnn!!!

Gue tuh pernah mikir kapan ya gue bisa piara satu. Susah juga nih karena panggilan gue kan misi. Jadi bakal ke satu tempat, stay there for maybe 2-3 years, eguip the people there, and then pindah lagi ke tempat lain and lakuin hal yg sama. Berarti kan gue harus mobile, pindah sana pindah sini.

Nah gue bayangin ntar kalo gue gandeng anak di tangan kiri, koper ditangan kanan, gendong bayi dipunggung, lah terus golden retrievernya dikemanain donk. Kayaknya susah gitu mao piara satu. Masa dibawa keliling dunia.

Gue punya temen satu yg bawa anjingnya dari Sydney ke Spore. Wah biayanya man muahaaalll, itu padahal seekor Chihuahua. Kecil kayak tikus gitu. Nah tau sendiri Golden gedenya kayak apa, udah gitu mesti di quarantine segala for a few weeks. Kasian lah.

Btw, kayaknya ga penting amat ya. Mao misi kok yg dipikirin golden retrievernya… 

Tuhan!!! Gue tetep minta satu ya!!!!! Mungkin nanti Tuhan kasih gue satu yg bisa travel sendiri setiap kali gue pindah tempat misi. Bisa berenang sendiri, bisa tau jalan sendiri, bisa baca map sendiri… hehehehehe. I think my dog will be a SUPERDOG. Kayak yg punya, a SUPERMOM…

Hehehe.. kalian tau kan beberapa hari sebelon Valentine gue udah tulis these sentences:

What I want for Valentine is nasi pecel dan rempeyeknya.

Pas hari Sabtu pas Valentine, si Kenan nanyain, gue udah dapet ga nasi pecel. Ya  gue jawab belon. Gue ga expect sih dapet. Karena susah bgt cari nasi pecel di Spore. Then hari Minggu di gereja tiba2 si Septi nanyain juga if gue udah dapet tuh nasi. Ya gue jawab lagi, belon. And gue bener2 dah lupa ama yg namanya permintaan nasi pecel itu karena pikiran  gue lagi penuh ama hal2 lain. Lagian ya gue nulis itu sambil2 bercanda. Tapi ya sebenernya gue emang pingin nasi pecel sih, but ga expect terlalu banyak.

Gue bener2 dah lupa soal itu karena hari Kamis sebelonnya, gue dapet sms dari my parent. Yg bikin gue sampe mao marah. Sampe gue ampir aja banting tuh hp gue. Padahal gue itu orangnya jarang bgt loh marah. Saat itu udah rasanya beratttttttt bgt yg gue hadapin. Gue ngerasa hampir aja lose control, but God is good, at that moment He reminded me of His unfailing love for me.

Then on Saturday night, hari Valentine itu, pas lagi saat teduh, gue bener2 cried out to God, asking God to let something to not happen. Seemed like my dad is involved in something yg bener2 menentang firman Tuhan. Ya gue minta Tuhan supaya Tuhan gagalin semua yg manusia usahakan. Gue minta Tuhan hancurkan semua yg sudah dibangun my parents, hal2 yg bukan dari Tuhan. Gue pas itu dapet FirmanNya, that gue harus terus mengetuk pintu Tuhan, sampe Tuhan membuka pintu mukjijatNya. Sampe Tuhan mendengar.

Trus pas Sunday, gue kan nyanyi di kebaktian ISC. Gue suka banget lagu Unfailing God. Pas bgt ama situasi gue saat2 ini. Yg kata2nya,

Though this be my darkest hour
Your lamp is leading me home
You’ll find me singing.

Eyes can’t see but I feel You near
I know You’re working through my tears
I trust You Lord I trust You for You never walk away.

Gue pas nyanyi itu, gue aminin bgt. Karena gue tau Tuhan selalu nyertain gue. Meskipun saat itu gue ga ngeliat sama skali titik cerah ttg masalah keluarga gue, sepertinya Tuhan juga ga berbuat apa2 yet. Tapi janji2Nya itu Yes and Amen.

Then after kebaktian ISC, gue kan pegi ke kebaktian sore. Gue diundang ama jemaat2 sore karena mereka ada makan2 buat ngerayain Valentine. Nah jemaat2 di kebaktian sore ini kebanyakan para pembantu Indo yg kerja di Spore. Gue jadi lumayan deket ama mereka karena gue ngajar Bible study ke mereka.

Setelah ikutan praise and worship di kebaktian sore, memasuki kotbah, gue kerasa capeeeeeee bgt. So gue turun ke lantai 6 mao bobo istirahat di ruang doa, coz I had to teach Bible study ke salah satu jemaat sore after makan2nya.

So this is what happened…

Scene: Gue turun ke lantai 6, ngelewat ruangan tempat makan2. Pas itu sepi ga ada sapa2.

Gue: Wah gile makanannya banyak amat.

Trus gue asal lewat gitu.. but.. ehhhhhh gue keliat something.

Gue: Loh…. loh… *mundur beberapa langkah*

Lohhh… gue keliatan REMPEYEK!!! Pas gue liat lagi lebih dekat dan gue pegang, eh beneran rempeyek!!!

LOHHHHHHHHHH… dont tell me it’s…

Trus gue buka salah satu makanan yg ditutup… lohhhh.. ada sayur2 buat pecel…

OMG OMG OMG.. dont you tell me it is!!!!!!!

Terus dengan deg2an gue buka lagi satu makanan yg ditutup andddddddd benerannnnnn itu bumbu pecellll!!!!!!!!!!!

GILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Gue kaget buangettttttttttt!!!! Bisa passsss, mereka kan lagi ngerayain valentine!! Bisa pas with what my request is..

What I want for Valentine is Nasi pecel beserta rempeyeknya.

HAUEhAUEhUEHUAHEAEeE.. keren ga sih!!!

Aduh gile gue bener2 kuaget abis. And that moment Tuhan bukain ke gue why He did this for me. He said, see, my request for nasi pecel for Valentine aja Dia dengerin and Dia kabulin. Apalagi my request regarding my dad. Memang sepertinya sekarang keluarga tambah hancur tapi He gives me assurance that He hears my prayer. He did that nasi pecel thing to encourage me not to lose faith, to let me know that He definitely is listening to my prayer… Soalnya gue bener2 ga liat anything yg cerah terjadi yet. But He is assuring me that He heard me…

Hehe padahal it’s so simple bgt ya. Ttg nasi pecel. But that is God. Dia sering berbuat hal2 yg kecil2 gitu loh to show that He is with us all the time.

So gue dengan hati yg berbunga2 makan itu nasi pecel. Sampe gue potoin…

Loe tau sendiri, yg masak ini pembantu Indo, so masakannya UENAKKKKKKKK POLLLLLLLLL GA KARU2AN!!! HAU JEK SEN CING PING SORO!!!!! HAUEhAUEHUHEE..

Suapan pertama beneran kerasa heavenly…

Apalagi itu hadiah Valentine Tuhan buat gue.. aih He is so sweet.. hehehehe

Nasi-Pecel-Dari-Surga
*literally*
hehehe

- Postingan yg ini diikut-sertakan dalam Writing Competition CIBFest 2009 -